Hello...My Name is DRAMA.

....

2009-05-18T23:57:00.003-04:00

Really I just wrote a whole new blog and lost it...literally lost it...God is sending me a message!

Blah!

2009-01-06T10:55:00.001-05:00

I would just like to know when this gets easier?? Anyone, anyone??? I feel like I am offically tapped out!!!

Scratch that!

2008-12-30T12:52:00.000-05:00

One should be careful what one writes when one is perturbed!

All Sour Grapes...

2008-10-22T21:12:00.002-04:00

You Are Grape

You are bold and a true individual. You are very different and very okay with that.

People know you as a straight shooter. You're very honest, even when the truth hurts.

You are also very grounded and practical. No one is going to sneak anything by you.

People enjoy your fresh approach to life. And it's this honesty that makes you a very innovative person.

What Color Purple Are You?

I am not sure that they "enjoy" my fresh approach but it's a nice thought none the less!!!!!

7 Things....

2008-10-20T20:44:00.004-04:00

So I have been tagged! I avoided it as long as possible but seeing as my friend over at For the Love of Pete was tagged as well and she did hers I felt obligated. Without further adieu...for my friend at Eeny, Meeny, Miny, Moe...

1. I love planning birthday parties! I bitch and complain all through the process and I stress the day of but I truly love planning birthday parties especially ones which the theme is unique!!

2. I could so be a Cyber Private Investigator...the internet is my friend!

3. I believe in, have felt and seen spirits...and no I am not crazy, at least not that kind of crazy!

4. I LOVE to bake...anything...I however do it very little as I hate cleaning up afterwards.

5. Reference number 4...I hate to clean up...I don't enjoy clutter yet I live in a mound of it....really I am an organized person under it all.

6. I am one of those rare people the can say "I have never done any drugs!" and mean it...this will become quit useful in coming years with my kids I am sure!

7. I am allergic to cats, like wheezing and hacking if they rub near my face allergic...not really weird or random I know...however it is weird, maybe just stupid, that I own two...we got these two after our last two died!

Feel free to play along as most of the blogging world already has....

The Bridge to Nowhere!

2008-10-08T00:01:00.000-04:00

I haven't done a Wednesday quote post in a while and I thought maybe this would be the time to do so...here we go!

It is the highest form of self-respect to admit our errors and mistakes and make amends for them. To make a mistake is only an error in judgment, but to adhere to it when it is discovered shows infirmity of character. ~ Dale E. Turner

So the past few months have been pretty good to me...I am becoming a happier person again...at least happier compared to how I was last year! Anger is not an attractive quality...I am really learning to let it go...it feels good!

I realized this last weekend, the one of inebriation with old friends, that I am really a grudge holder, I also realized I am SO not alone!!! See I decided it was time to mend some bridges over the weekend, maybe the alcohol and the hot Florida sun got to me or maybe it was just the fact that I see the same people every year at this event, get irritated with them every year and to be honest was a bit tired of the cycle. Now you have to understand that I have known the people I was with for more than 13 years and to be honest some of my grudges were that old! I decided to lay it on the table, let the truth sit there, maybe I was making a big deal out of past events, perhaps I was the only one who took them with any seriousness! Bridge building...maybe bridges to nowhere but bridge building none the less!

It turns out I didn't have to work hard to put my mind at ease! One situation had bothered me for years and made me really dislike a specific brother in my Hubby fraternity. Now it didn't help that there was some "chemistry" between us once and there was a whole lot of "what ifs" at one time. Anyhow, years ago I saw him doing sometime he shouldn't have been doing, called him out on it and in return received a rash of shit for some of the brothers that included me being put in a room and yelled at for an extended period of time, needless to say at 18 it was a bit intimidating! I have been mad about this ever since because he lied, he denied it, freaking pissed me off!! He screwed up, I got yelled at, how does that work!! Anyhow we were all wasted and he asked why I didn't like him, I wasn't really sure bringing it up would be beneficial and to be honest I wasn't sure that he would remember, it was probably much more detrimental to me than him! After talking in circles for a good 15 minutes he finally came out with it...he knew why I was mad...the "incident"! Wow, after all this time!! And then shocker of all shockers he admitted what really happened and that he was sorry, well at least to a point, hey it was alot coming for him! Then one of the brothers that yelled at me apologized as well...I know it is stupid but it lifted a huge weight off my shoulders! The grudge was gone...damn it felt good!!

Things only got funnier in that he was sure that I was still unhappy with him because of "that night"....aww yes..."that night at ***'s house"....huh, wow, who would have thought he remembered that. See I remember "that night" with excruciating detail for a whole other reason. That was the night I "chose" my Hubby!! They were each making there intentions known and I chose my Hubby, best choice I ever made. I proceeded to tell that to this guy...I don't think he appreciated that...oops! I really thought he would never remember that! It proved to me that sometimes I am a bit paranoid...I tend to think I make more of a situation than there is...maybe not!! Anyhow, it felt good, it felt good to settle it...building a bridge! And next year I will be able to look at him, smile and walk on by...at least until I remember some other reason he pissed me off!!!!

It's all fun and games until someone gets hurt!!

2008-10-07T12:21:00.003-04:00

I have been a bit busy lately, also trying hard to prioritize things and my blog has definitely fallen to the wayside. So excuse the fact that I will be rambling a bit!!

Miss Sassy had her 9th birthday...that was a bit hard to swallow! It is hard to remember how old she is...she is a tiny thing! I love her to death but she is by far my most difficult child, she has always had a mind of her own! Unfortunately her mind is a good 15 years older than she is!! She is growing up so quick and she is the one I worry about having a bad relationship with...that is something I am working on...gotta find a way to get through to her!! But truly she is a wonderful child and I am blessed to have her love me!

Hubby and I went away for a weekend of inebriation with lots of old friends...good times! Now when I say old friends I really mean his old fraternity brothers and assorted friends that come in tow!! It was a great weekend...I still have the dislocated finger to prove it! Yes, people that is right, at 31 years old I have my very first bone injury...and it still hurts like hell a week later! I dislocated my middle finger at the top joint, it decided to make the letter L...good stuff! Unfortunately for me I was not still inebriated at the time...so freaking unfortunate!!! And the only thing that makes it funnier is the fact that it happened during a pillow fight at midnight in a Disney hotel...oh yeah...nothing like acting your age! Note to self, do not twist the pillow case around your fingers and swing full out at another person doing the same...the results will not be pretty! Now according to my friends it is just because I flicked too many people off but truly it was a pillow fight...that's my story and I am sticking to it!!

OMG!! I love him even more!!!

2008-09-22T09:45:00.001-04:00

I have loved him for years...since his Ally McBeal days...but this was great!!! Enjoy!

WOW! Might have to think about this one...

2008-09-15T22:03:00.000-04:00

My Liberal Identity:

You are a Reality-Based Intellectualist, also known as the liberal elite. You are a proud member of what’s known as the reality-based community, where science, reason, and non-Jesus-based thought reign supreme.

Take the quiz at www.FightConservatives.com

Can't take it back.....

2008-09-05T21:13:00.005-04:00

A close friend sent this to me recently via email I loved it so much I thought I would share with everyone!

Random One Liner

2008-09-02T18:41:00.002-04:00

.....because they say it all.......

Sometimes the majority only means that all the fools are on the same side.

The Doctor will see you now....

2008-08-25T08:11:00.003-04:00

I am not a doctor person...I don't dislike them, I just have learned who to deal with most of the pains in my body by myself. I guess this is also why I got meningitis seven years ago...the viral kind...the kind where you let yourself get sick and stay sick...I had a baby and a toddler, who had time to slow down much less go to the doctor...it is much more fun to wait till they have to quarantine you!

Anyways I am currently about a year and a half over due for my physical...I don't think that is too bad...the fact that I was supposed to have a ultrasound and bloodwork done well over a year ago is beside the point. I have been thinking now that my life is returning to normal I should schedule that appointment...Hubby is much better about this, he is doing a good job taking care of himself. So I keep telling myself "just get through the first two weeks of school then you can make all your appointments and take care of yourself"...it's a novel idea!

I don't dislike my doctor, he is funny and very easy going, I am finding out that alot of people I know go to him...hubby included. He is attentive and willing to listen when most other doctors tell me I am full of shit...really people I know my body...just listen! Anyhow, I really have no excuses I need to make that appointment!

There is a reason I bring all this up...see I was at a meeting this weekend...Miss Sassy's dance company...just a parent's meeting to tell us ~~how stressed~~ how great this year was going to be. We have a relatively small company, maybe 40 dancers this year, but we are good...people are traveling 2 hours to be in our company...I really do feel blessed for Miss Sassy and our family...for the most part it is a fun crowd. We have new students this year, eight according to Miss Sassy, I noticed new parent faces while coming in but didn't have time to really look, seeing as I was late like usual. Lucky for me Hubby was there waiting to trade off kids. As Hubby was leaving he whispered something in my ear...I made him repeat it, possibly three times, because really he can't be right. Sitting less than 10 feet away from me was...MY DOCTOR...are you kidding me??? At the exact moment I could have sworn I heard God laughing at me!! I mean really we have 40 freaking dancers, most are siblings so what 25 parents, and there are tons of dance companies around here!! I was convinced Hubby was wrong...I knew he wasn't but I had to come home and look up his wife's name, not I don't stalk much thanks for asking, just to convince myself!! CRAP!!!

Dammit now I have lost all my excuses...I am sure some of you are wondering why I am so concerned...let me explain...my child is now at the dance studio 11 hours a week...we all travel together...we all eat together...we all drink together...did I mention that I am currently the jackass that stepped up to coordinate events for the company?!

I cannot look this man in the eye and tell him I just forgot...I will see him at least once a freaking week...you just can't lie to someone you are going to see that much!!! Well I guess on the upside maybe he will see why I am so stressed all the time and possibly prescribe me some Valium!!!

Spinning on that dizzy edge....

2008-08-22T20:10:00.004-04:00

And now because I mentioned them I feel like I MUST share....

One of my three most favorite songs EVER...and the reason I fell in love with The Cure!! Hubby knows that I will physical harm him if this song is playing and he attempts to stop it, change the channel or talk during it!! There are priorities - sometimes Robert Smith and Bono top them!!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I had to come back and add this...I have been a bit disappointed by The Cure in the past few years but I am ecstatic about the release of a few of their newer songs(past 4 months or so) they are sounding more like their old selves...makes me so happy!!!

I might have just fallen in love with Robert Smith again!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So out of the loop!!!!

2008-08-22T19:52:00.003-04:00

So today I see this headline 'Miley Cyrus' black-sheep brother has a band'...well I am about over this chick...my girls are over her too...way over her...thank the Lord...but I feel compelled to click....it lead me here....http://music.yahoo.com/promo-29644410-159-20080818!

OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Her brother sings Shake It...WHAT? That is craziness I tell you! It is one of those songs on the radio that just gets stuck in my head...maybe it's the beat, maybe it's the fact that it reminds me a bit of The Cure...anyone who knows me knows I at one point wanted to marry Robert Smith! It is a boppy little song with just a hit of emoism(yes I know this is not a word but I am still using it) and whining! I am sure they will be a one hit wonder but for now I will just enjoy the song even more knowing that is what is going to become of Miley...she is gonna go to the dark side...maybe I won't hate her nearly as much!

It is amazing the little things that can make my day! :)

For your listening/viewing pleasure...

What's in a Name?...

2008-08-22T10:31:00.002-04:00

Well let's evaluate the name Fay seeing as she is sticking around like an unwanted house guest...

Fay means faith, trust, confidence...hmmm...I have faith that I will make it through another day when my children have no school....I trust that I will not kill them, I cannot guarantee they will not spend the day in their individual rooms...I am confident that by the end of the day I will be drunk, thus keeping me from killing them!!

Thanks Fay for another fun filled day!!

Out of Chaos Comes...

2008-08-20T18:41:00.003-04:00

I enjoy chaos...this is not a confession but rather a statement. Chaos suits my personality, it makes up a good portion of my personality. I understand that alot of my drama comes from the fact that I live in chaos...in every way - my life, my house, my kids. As I am trying to get my house together now that school has started and I have less chaos in the way of my extra stuff I threw in my life (PTA, obligations) I have realized that alot of the reason I live in chaos is avoidance. God, that is SO cliche!!! There is an awful lot to avoid in my life, let me tell ya!!Anyhow I thought it would be a good topic for my quotes this week...

Chaos in the world brings uneasiness, but it also allows the opportunity for creativity and growth. ~ Tom Barrett

Chaos is the score upon which reality is written. ~ Henry Miller

It turns out that an eerie type of chaos can lurk just behind a facade of order - and yet, deep inside the chaos lurks an even eerier type of order. ~ Douglas Hostadter

Chaos is a friend of mine. ~ Bob Dylan

Can I apologize?

2008-08-19T08:17:00.003-04:00

So apparently I tested the gods...I wrote about the fact that we may have to miss school if Tropical Storm Fay did not behave...well dammit here I sit at 8:30am my kids school be in a nice school building far away from me...instead they are curled up safely in their beds as our Superintendent decided we needed to keep them for one more day! It's a conspiracy I tell you...it is part of their idea to save money at the schools...kind of like the moronic choice to make high school start at 9am and middle school start at 7am! I believe Karen has the right idea with this one...a scientific study to see how many middle schooler in our neighborhood get pregnant now that they are home unsupervised from 1:30pm on!! Geniuses I tell ya!!

Anyhow, this was supposed to be my first full day with all three kids gone...in months...I was looking forward to it, dreaming about it actually. Granted I only planned on cleaning my house but really it was going to be all by myself, well minus the hubby working downstairs! I love my kids and yes I was a bit sentimental yesterday but it was fleeting...really it feel good for them to leave...as my friend pointed out I let hubby take them to school...on the first day!! So here I sit with rain and potential tornadoes...nothing like years of past...Charley and whatnot...but even the freaking trash guys came!!! I don't understand if it is safe for huge trucks to be roaming around with large amounts of debris in them why oh why can my children NOT go to school!!!!

Now really do I want them at school with tornadoes as a threat....I guess not...but really it is Florida people that is every afternoon!!!! On the upside I cleaned ALOT yesterday...bathrooms, tons of laundry...see I remember when we had no power for 5 days...granted I deserted with a friend to a hotel by Disney that had power, more importantly air conditioning, I mean I had a 6 week old...but we did call Karen regularly to find out how much it sucked over here. Anyhow I had laundry everywhere and the house was a mess, did I mention I had a six week old, and I swear a few days of no power mixed with a messy house is not pleasant. So yes, on the upside TS Fay made me clean...alot...yeah for her!!

So the plan for the day is playing at a friend's house if it is rainy and if the sun is out AT ALL we swim at my place...really sounds an awful lot like my summer!!!!!!!! UGH!! Wish me luck that all three girls make it to school at least a few days this week!!

I am a rock...

2008-08-18T08:05:00.002-04:00

Okay...first day back...I am a rock...I am ready for them to head back to the wonderful place called school. They look beautiful...we have already managed to lose shoes on the first day though...Lord it is going to be a LONG year...I feel it in my bones. But I am a rock, I am ready...until my oldest dressed in her cute dress with legging, matching none the less...this is a rarity in my house with her, even her patrol belt matches...scary...like I said I am a rock...until she reminds me that this is her last first day at Elementary school...I am not a rock I am a ball of mush!!! This time next year I will have a middle schooler, an elementary schooler and a kindergartner!!!! I am so not a rock!!! The tears are forming!!!!

I am a bad mom...I should have done something special to make this moment last...keep her young forever! I only have eight more years with her....this is not going well! First day back was supposed to make me happy...yeah, not happy!!! Okay, time to compose myself before hubby gets home from taking them to school and he sees what a total dork I am!!!!

Back to School...

2008-08-17T18:23:00.004-04:00

School starts tomorrow here! Well that is if Tropical Storm/Hurricane Faye behaves and stays away. I am happy and sad all at once. Happy for the kids to go back...I love them but we are all under each other's skin...it is time. Sad because I have to get back to driving everyone around, feeling hectic and crazy, like I have no real time with my kids. The good thing this year is I feel enlightened...I have learned to say no and am feeling good about it. I will be glad to help when needed but I will not be at anyone's beck and call this time around...it has been three years since that happened...feels kind of warm and fuzzy inside!! What I am really looking forward to is floating on a raft in my new gazillion dollar pool ALL alone!!!! Maybe if she promises to be quiet I will even invite my friend Karen.... :)

Through the Looking Glass....

2008-08-11T13:49:00.005-04:00

I do have to thank my mother for one thing...giving me the desire to be better than her...to be the mom that loves her kids more than herself, the kind of mom that considers her children a gift, the kind of mom that would do anything to protect them, the kind of mom that is proud of her daughters...proud of the daughter that just came up and hugged me just because she heard the "In My Daughter's Eyes" playing from across the room and knew that I just needed her near me...without saying a word until asking if I was okay. So yes, I guess I do owe her a bit of thanks...thank you for making me see the value of my family and the love of my children!

Down the rabbit hole....

2008-08-11T13:15:00.003-04:00

So this blog has been rambling around in my head for a while now...I have been having trouble putting it down...not sure how much of myself I should share with the blogsphere. At this point I figure maybe if I write it the ramblings in my head will stop and that will be a good thing...blog therapy so to speak.

My grandmother, my mother's mother, died a year ago this week. My grandmothers, both of them were the only people I really relied on in my life. I didn't take it well...I knew she was sick...I wanted to go to KY to see her but right when we were headed to vacation she seemed to get better...I talked to her everyday...she knew her time was near...she was at peace...I was still not ready. Her death made me essentially an orphan...I was really not ready for that...but the thing I was most unprepared for was the fact that I would have to occupy the same space as my mother again.

See I use the term orphan because in my mind my mother died almost 13 years ago when she chose her husband over me...when she chose to cut me off...maybe I cut her off...but it is her job as a mother not to allow that to happen. While the death of my grandmother was painful the idea of being five feet away from my mother and her not even trying to speak to me was heart wrenching.

My stepfather was not a good man...my mother knew this and was/is too weak to do anything about it. When I went to college my mother knew how cruel he had been to me and stayed while I left. I was 18...all I had left in the world were my two grandmothers...I think they hoped one day she would wise up and step up...in the meantime they took her place. For the next 12 years I spoke to my mother on three occasions...never very pleasant...formalities really. She has never met her grandchildren...she doesn't deserve to.

I sat in a funeral home for hours upon hours for my grandmother's funeral...my mother on one side, me on the other...the rest of the family trying to figure out what the hell to do. She was crying not because of her mother, whom she also all but cut ties with, but because she saw her grandchildren for the first time ever and she could not touch or speak to them. Truth be told I felt a little bit of vindication at that...it also torn me apart. It torn me apart even more to watch my children watch her...they were naturally curious...and more painful yet was having to explain to my oldest why speaking to her or the bad man with her was not an option. I went a little crazy for those couple of days...probably close to certifiable crazy...I was not at my best to say the least.

I hate my mother, but I also love my mother....that is so hard to understand...I am not ready to offer up all the details of my life to the world wide web...but I will say that the choices she made were inconceivable to most people. She truly does not deserve a place in my life much less my heart...but there she is...I just can't seem to turn that off.

We did not talk the entire time we were there...it was SO awkward..so surreal...SO painful. I am an only child and I realize one day I am going to have to in some way care for my mother...even if it is seeing to her getting in a nursing home that will not abuse her, although some days I think maybe I shouldn't care. I just can't turn off the part of me that wants her to love me, wants her to know and except she was wrong....I am also not naive enough to think those things will ever happen....it is so disheartening. I am not sure how that is supposed to make me feel.

I have a wonderful family and wonderful in laws...but it is not the same. So now I am thinking it has been a year since I have seen her...I sent her a sympathy card...I stupidly keep reaching...she never acknowledged it. I think I set myself up again, I hoped that she would want to open some line of communication...not that I know how I would even react to that. Here we are a year later and nothing...I thought this was going to get easier as time passed...in reality it is so much worse...I realize time is limited...realize that there is a chance that I may never speak to her again...I am not even sure what to do with that.

We all have them....

2008-08-09T08:35:00.002-04:00

Karen decided I was not blogging enough and that she needed to know something new about me...not sure I will be obliging on that last part...but I have been tagged...here are the rules...

1. Link to the person who tagged you. (See above.)
2. Mention the rules on your blog. (Here they are.)
3. Tell about six unspectacular quirks of yours.
4. Tag six fellow bloggers by linking them. (Yeah, so I probably won't do this part)
5. Leave a comment on each of the six blogger’s blogs letting them know they’ve been tagged. (Again, with the if you want to play feel free)

On with the show...

Drama's Quirks

I am an organized person underneath my mounds of clutter...this makes my mother in law laugh as well...my grandmother in law asked for wrapping paper one day which I brought out in a pretty container with everything organized neatly inside...MIL had to explain that I am actually super organized...you just have to squint a bit to see it clearly!!

I am OCD about my calender...it is a dry erase one on which every person in my house has a color, for whole family events we just use black...by the third of every month it must be taken down and redone otherwise I start to have panic attacks...I love nothing more than seeing a calender with next to nothing on it...unfortunately in my house that doesn't happen often!

Whenever I am mad at the small people running around my house I send them to their rooms to clean, if rooms are clean their bathroom is my next choice...it doesn't matter what the crime, but I am a yeller and sometimes to stop from yelling I need them to disappear for a while...somehow, even though they get in trouble ALOT, their rooms are still almost never clean...effective parenting...aw, yes...

If there is less than a hundred pages in a book I must finish it...this is not up for debate...too bad that people in my house might be hungry, we have somewhere to be, it is time for our favorite show...I am reading!

I will make an entire pot of coffee to only drink one or two cups...and I am not talking the cheap stuff...hubby bought me the plan where Barnie's sends me fresh beans every month...I am the only person that drinks coffee in my house but it just tastes better with a full pot...I am sure that is purely psychological however it works for me! And I am sure hubby would like me to add..I then only drink half cups of coffee and leave the cup in various places around the house...he thinks strategically placed to annoy him...he HATES coffee...really I am just lazy and once the coffee gets cold it just sits!!!

"I am a gum chewer mainly"...if I have left my house I have put a piece of gum in my mouth, simple as that...it is obnoxious and I can still hear my stepfather yelling at me to stop chewing like a cow...but I can't help it...and when I am at the store I with hunt out new flavors...on a normal trip to the store I buy at least two, maybe three packs...it is so bad hubby actually buys me gum for Christmas!! Yes...he is my enabler!! I had a friend growing up and her mom was always chewing gum and was always willing to share...she was so COOL...so see maybe I will be the COOL mom!!!!

So now you know a bit more about lil ol me...I am sure there are a hundred more but those, my friends, are ones I am willing to share!!! If anyone would like to play along feel free...you know you are all really freaks inside you just have to admit it!!!

Now for something a bit more mellow...

2008-08-08T10:45:00.000-04:00

Let the nostalgia continue....

2008-08-08T10:05:00.001-04:00

Okay I am offically stuck in 1995...

And just cause...

2008-08-05T09:46:00.001-04:00

I loved this song!!!!!

You know you liked it....

2008-08-05T09:30:00.003-04:00

Okay...so as summer is enivitably coming to a close I am thinking about my summers back in the day...found myself thinking about one of my favorite "Summertime" songs...awww...old school.....

Ummm...I love Will Smith!

Happy Birthday to....all of us.....

2008-08-02T09:54:00.003-04:00

It's been a LONG week...seems like I get less done with the girls home...I actually enjoy it...my time with them was so limited over the past year...it's nice to be able to make up for it just even a little bit.

Anyhow...our week started with celebrating my youngest, my baby, turning into a full fledged preschooler...I was SO not ready!! I can't believe it has been four years since my littlest joined our family...time has flown...it reminds me I have limited time with my girls and I should make the best of what time I have. She is such a third child...adventurous, full of energy, hard to contain...she is also beautiful, brilliant, difficult and oh so loving. She is the one that from day one I was afraid I wouldn't have her as long as I should...maybe I shouldn't write that...but her spirit is SO bright I am always afraid it will burn out before I think it should. I love her so deeply it hurts sometimes!

Next was my bday...I didn't want to do much for my bady...eating at my favorite restaurant for dinner and to be left alone to read all day...literally ALL day. Miss Sassy was very confused about this...she is not a reader...she came into my room about 2pm and asked "aren't you going to stop reading and get out of bed?" NOPE! I got through two books in the Queen of Babble series...it was such a nice birthday. As a bonus our pool finished filling up and the guy came to put in all the chemicals to make it swimmable(is that a word?)!!! I complained endlessly about my pool construction...but really I was just bitching to bitch...they only took 8 weeks and it is AMAZING!!

The day after my bday was my Grandmother's...she passed away almost four years ago...I thought I was ready to blog about her but that is really gonna have to wait for another day...she is too special not to take the time to word it all right. However the older girls and I spent the day shopping and spending money...Grandmother would have been pleased knowing her great granddaughters were being spoiled on her bday.

Yesterday would have been my brother-in-laws bday...he would have been 40...we all miss him so badly as well. My kids have had to learn too early in life that it is all temporary...we are here for a limited time...we should make the best of it and be grateful for everyday...even when the days are too painful to imagine.

And the rest of our week has been revolving around our new toy...the pool! I have already found that it can be a very useful tool, motivator, to get the small children to do as they are asked. It's GREAT!!!

Sometimes one is enough...

2008-07-30T10:24:00.000-04:00

I was going to put out a whole slew of quotes on birthdays but I liked this one single quote so much better...a reminder of how I want to live my life.

And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. ~ Abraham Lincoln

I'll take the $7 bucket of popcorn please....

2008-07-23T22:40:00.000-04:00

So today I went to the movies...it was a girl's day...took my older two shopping for school things...picked up the littlest one from her summer "camp" and headed to the local theater to see the latest American Girl movie, Kit Kitteridge. It has only been out of a few weeks but it already getting ready to be taken off the big screen...my friend and I couldn't figure out why but we thought we better pack up the girls and go before it's not an option to go.

I was happy when we got to the cashier I could finally use some of my coupons..."3 kids, 1 adult please"..."that will be $24"...with the coupon...umm...not that bad I guess...oh well...off we go to the concession stand...we casually brought in our drinks from the car however we did need popcorn..."$7 please"...damn...now I have been to the movies a few times this summer so not a huge shock but still annoying every time...oh well...off to the show.

Now that we have all five kids lined up the moms can sit down and relax. We knew the movie was about a little girl in the depression era but not much past that...well within the first 15 minutes we understood quite well. My friend leaned over..."didn't know this was going to be so depressing"...little ones are all watching intently. The movie had it's funny moments, it showed the strength and wit that we hope all our little girls grow up with, but all in all it was sad. We suddenly understood why this movie had not done well...it is a reminder of where America once was and how close we are again. The was a huge smack of reality right in the face.

While I loved the movie...I loved the characters, the plot...really it was very cute...I spent almost half the movie welled up or crying. The house foreclosures, people spending beyond their means, the father's losing jobs, the animals that must be given away as no one can afford to care for them and the look on the children's eyes that are just innocents in it all taking it in stride. OUCH! It was all a little to close for me and I am currently in no danger of those things happening to me so I can imagine for anyone who is it might be a bit much to take during a kids movie. My friend and I get why it will now be exiting the theater regardless of the fact that it really is a decent film.

All I thought about as I left was I just spent $7 on a bucket of popcorn that is half eaten...freaking popcorn! I just spent $24 on tickets like it was nothing...I am such an ass! My friend and I are both lucky....our hubbies are GREAT providers, neither of us really worries for much and our kids have never wanted for much of anything...how quickly it could all be taken away. My kids took away the lesson too, there were many questions on the way home, I tried not to dwell on all the negatives of things that could happen to us but rather the idea that we should be thankful for what we do have and maybe sometimes we need to remember how blessed we truly are. I know I have gone all sappy today but like I said it really was a smack of reality. I know one too many people that are rearranging their lives currently because of the economy and it scares the crap out of me!

I think I need to remind myself and my family every day how thankful we should really be....

Be thankful for what you have; you'll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don't have, you will never, ever have enough. ~ Oprah Winfrey

Blessed are those that can give without remembering and receive without forgetting. ~Author Unknown

Be Thankful

Be thankful that you don't already have everything you desire,

If you did, what would there be to look forward to?

Be thankful when you don't know something

For it gives you the opportunity to learn.

Be thankful for the difficult times.

During those times you grow.

Be thankful for your limitations

Because they give you opportunities for improvement.

Be thankful for each new challenge

Because it will build your strength and character.

Be thankful for your mistakes

They will teach you valuable lessons.

Be thankful when you're tired and weary

Because it means you've made a difference.

It is easy to be thankful for the good things.

A life of rich fulfillment comes to those who are also thankful for the setbacks.

GRATITUDE can turn a negative into a positive.

Find a way to be thankful for your troubles and they can become your blessings.

~ Author Unknown ~

Don't mess with the family!!

2008-07-21T10:58:00.005-04:00

I am faced with a dilemma...I have spent most of the summer in a very good place, happy to have walked away from my PTA year. I had told myself I didn't want to discuss it anymore...let the drama fall away...if they wanted to continue to trash talk me fine, I can't change that...take the high road...let me tell you people that is SO much harder than it sounds!!!

That was all until now....now I am willing to get down into the nitty gritty...I have been pushed too far...I know people may be disappointed in me after this blog but this time around things went too far!

Again, as usual I created my own drama, I need to take ownership...so yeah, I made a stupid choice, my curiousity got the better of me....UGH...I hate it when that happens!! So I went to a friend's blog, saw a comment from one of the ladies that decided to make my life uncomfortable this year and dammnit I clicked over to her site...I know, I know!!!! Anyhow, she had written a blog about how her becoming President has not been as bad as she thought since the psycho moms(that would be me) are now gone and now that I am not there to put "a monkey wrench" in her plans things are going better. I am glad, I don't want the PTA to fail, it was faultering under my leadership because I could not be effective, it is hard to be effective when the people that say they are willing to help are busy talking smack about you and making you feel uncomfortable in the very school you are suppose to be PTA President of. I am sure she is doing a great job, I have never questioned her work ethic, she will get it done...she may steamroll anyone in her path but it WILL all get done. So then I made another mistake I went into her comments....saw one that appeared at first glance to be very benign, talking about how comfortable she was making everyone feel...then I noticed (and I am paraphrasing here people...I had no desire to go back to her blog to capture the exact wording, lesson learned) this person, Paris was her name...I know her as Jen, said "it is hard cleaning up after someone else's trash"...okay, so now I am a bit irritated...not shocked...I know they don't like me...it's okay. So now mistake #3...I clicked over to her blog, didn't know she had one, didn't really care, but when you know they are talking crap about you it is hard not to look...damnit I really need to practice self control!! Here is where the fun really began...she had two blog entries...and lucky me the second one was all about little ol' me, well I had to share the limelight with hubby...I am going to copy and paste that blog here cause it no longer exists and I feel like it should so here we go...

Jul 2, 2008
My new challenge!

I started this whole world of blogging because I had a friend that started and I was reading her blog. Then, I wanted to comment so I created my own profile. I also started to share my secret obsession with purses!!!! Unfortunately, I haven't been very good at keep my blogs up to date. I usually read other blogs and truly have no interest in blogging for myself. I read mostly from work. I do have a full-time job and don't have much extra time to engage in this. By the time I'm reading to go on-line from home I am checking email and answering things I must get back to. I am also going to be serving on the PTA board at my child's school. At first I was very hesitant given the antics that went on last year. The President was not a nice woman and cut me down with every chance she had. Every time I had an idea she would shoot it down or make a statement that would let me feel that my efforts were totally unappreciated. So, when my friend asked if I would serve on the board everything in me thought no way but, when I realized the old President would be gone I certainly knew things would change. It's amazing how one person can really change the course of a PTA. I feel very badly for some of the moms who got caught in her path of destruction. They are very good and godly women who didn't deserve a lot of what was thrown their way. I do pity the woman. She has a lot of problems. From what I hear she has a crazy husband. I'm sure that doesn't help. I guess I feel safe blogging here about my horrible PTA experience because I don't think the crazy PTA President will be reading my blog. Anyway, even if she did, she'll finally know how I feel about last year.

When I think about my husband and how he supports me I do feel sorry for the women that have crazy husbands that only create more turmoil in their lives. Even if I am doing something wrong my husband would quietly point it out but would never attack anyone from our child's school verbally. If someone did something to hurt me he would also be hurt but would never ever disrespect another woman. Respect is a crucial part of society. If we didn't respect one another then we'd live in chaos. I think of women I respect, I think of my friend Jackie from school. Even with all of the crap thrown her way she never spoke poorly of this crazy lady. She always said, "you've just got to let it go". I could tell in her voice and eyes that she was deeply hurt by this woman but I never heard her speak poorly of anyone. I respect that about her because I know she went through the ringer and certainly had a reason to talk about it. I also think of my friend Mary, she was the recipient of the disrespectful husband. She also kept her cool and never spoke poorly of that couple in my presence. This is why I decided to be more active this year. There are morally good women at our school and I am honored to serve with them. I know they will never speak poorly of me and would never run their mouths about other people.

Time to talk about purses for a minute. I just got a Gucci backpack/purse. I couldn't find a picture of it online so I couldn't post anything. If I find time to take a picture I'll post it later. Gucci made these purses in the early 90's. I got mine in mint condition. It also had matching shoes! O.K., I know you think I am crazy but this is a huge conquest for me.

Anyway, wish me luck in my new PTA endeavor this coming year. Please pray for all of the parents that will be serving. I especially feel blessed to be part of something that will be a wonderful part of our school. Thank you Jackie for your support and for always, always being so kind. You are truly a good person.

Too far, lady...too freaking far...you can trash talk me all day, after a year of it my skin has gotten pretty damn thick...but you go after my hubby...it's on...at first I was so angry I was seething...that then turned into being upset, because my hubby didn't deserve this, this woman has NEVER met him much less had a conversation with him. Yes I know that shows who she really is but I was so afraid of him seeing it, I don't want him to be hurt by anyone...I suck at lying to him, he was gonna see it all over my face...I deliberated, how could I hide the anger...it had been gone for months...UGH!! Well as I assumed I couldn't hide it...after twenty questions I finally gave in and told him what was bothering me...he then informed me this time around it was not my battle to fight...this was about him...he was a "big boy" and would take care of it...unlike me he was more than willing to stand up and tell them exactly what they were....so he responded...his response made me laugh...I am sure they will think it is childish in parts...honestly it is just his sarcasm and I wouldn't ask him to change that...I am going to post his response because it never saw the light of the internet....

Wow. So your one of those Mom's! The one who hears things from another person, and passes judgment on other people without actually knowing or speaking to them. The kind that acts so recklessly to not find out the truth and look at things from an objective point of view, but rather believe what people tell you as the truth. That makes you ignorant. Well, regardless of your "feelings" for my wife, I will fight the fact that your making statements about me that are simply not true, so those I will address them.

But before we get into the whole commenting thing, let’s start by quoting the word Judgement... I think the Bible is appropriate!

“Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you (Matthew 7:12).”

So since you judge me, I am now judging you. I am not a perfect man, as my wife can tell you, should you ever choose to ask her. And I never claim to be. So please don’t be naive to think that I am crazy and do not support my wife because that is just nonsense!

This crazy husband spent night and day explaining to my wife about why people, such as yourself, feel it necessary to hear one thing and grapevine it into another thing. This crazy husband sat back and watched as people who were her friends on the PTA would call and trash her for hours about not trusting the Treasurer of the PTA, only to find out that when she would not sway her opinion about him, they turn to him and say that she was saying nasty things about him. Yes, I was present for the entire conversation that took place. This crazy husband who had her wife record PTA meetings so I can see firsthand the she was being mistreated. This crazy husband who literally held his wife for hours day after day comforting her because YOU people made her feel like she was a child. This crazy husband who did his best to ensure she did not quit because she didn’t do anything wrong, even though EVERYONE else wanted her to. This crazy husband who literally had to create a method to stop people from "stalking" her blog more than 15 times a day, and leave anonymous comments when she knew exactly who it was, and all she wanted was to move on. (now that is crazy!!) This crazy husband who every step of the way wanted her to fight back with every ounce of her being, only to find out the reasons she really didn't want to fight was because she was representing the PTA and didn’t feel it appropriate. And now this crazy husband who is enraged because you feel its necessary to pass judgment on another person without really getting to know them.

Well, its only fair to actually state the conversation that Mary (or lets be real here.. Maryam) actually had. By the way, I actually emailed this conversation directly to another Board member because, as expected, she twisted it into something else. This conversation occurred after several days of hourly trash talking about the current Treasurer and about how he was not trustworthy, which I witnessed.

Lets further preface the conversation, by stating Maryam had originally called my wife’s cell phone, which I answered and when she asked to speak to my wife, I went to hand the phone to her and the cell phone literally cutoff. Whether you choose to believe that or not.. I really don’t care, but here is the conversation that ensued when she called our house immediately thereafter… you know the one where I was apparently verbally assaulting her:

> .. Does "Drama" not want to speak today.
>
> .. Its not a matter of her not wanting to speak, its that I don't want you speaking to her.
>
> .. Can you relay a message for me.
>
> .. No. If you would like to tell her something, you send her an
> email.. I am not gonna get caught up in the he said, she said relay
> crap. I just won't do it.

So as you can see, if I wanted to verbally assault her, I would not have been so short. I was protecting (SUPPORTING to the le person) her from you people. Lay off the recreational pharmaceutical usage…seriously!!! And another point of clarification on this would be to Maryam…. I never stated that “you were not allowed to call my house”, like you stated at the PTA meeting that I had my wife record. Don’t throw out more lies about me, because you know that the conversation above is our conversation. And I know you won’t comment on it because you know that will mean that you show all the people around you that you are in fact did not tell the truth.

Could I have been more tactful.. Yes. But woman like you don’t understand tact. You understand straight forward statements.. and then you disregard that person for saying it and then spread lies and rumors that just aren’t true.. Like I said before.. your one of those Mom’s. But then think about this too, why wouldn’t I let her speak to her and then asked her to send her an email.. simply because not a darn word that comes out of your mouth can be trusted. Good and Godly woman.. they got you snowed sweets!! I think you will fit in just perfect. The idea of being Godly is to make yourself and others around better. Your blog is anything but Godly.

So why didn’t’ I get involved when she was being attacked.. Because its not my business to handle her fights. She is a grown up woman and can handle her own arguments. If it were up to me, this crazy husband, I would have confronted you people back in November, when this conversation took place between Maryam and myself. I reached my point there where you people were not gonna continue this anymore. Its just like this Blog, your problem is with my wife, has nothing to do with me, and if Maryam has an issue with me, then let her deal with me. I am game for an open discussion. But there was no need for you to be involved because it doesn’t involve you… DOES IT. She’s a grown woman, and the real reason she hasn’t confronted me about it, is because she and all the other woman who never confronted my wife about this whole situation, KNOW they are just as wrong as my wife! That right, she is not right in this whole thing either. But that is moot! Your all a bunch of children, that have nothing better to do with your lives except talk about other woman, and now husbands. And what is it all about.. crap.. that’s it, just crap. Don’t you have anything better to do with your spare time, such as spending time with your kids. Life is what happens when your making other plans. So if your spending all this time writing pointless crap about me, then you obviously have no life.. so in that respect.. I pity YOU!! Its time for you woman to grow up and live your own life and stop worrying about other people.

So now the question comes, will you allow my voice to be heard, or will you treat it just like the others, talk more trash about me behind my back, not let people know the real truth. I don’t think you will post it. But why do I say that.. because you know that I am not crazy and your starting to think that maybe the people who are yapping in your ear are not actually telling the whole truth. They are telling you what they want you to hear so you will be their friend, because if you ask them.. they don’t really have any true friends.

.. And I can only offer you this word of advice, the first chance they get to crap on you… THEY WILL!! Get out while you can… seriously.

Sincerely,
M, the crazy husband.

.. and I want them to read this, and I want you to show it to as many people as possible, because “the truth will set you free (John 8:32)!!

Ps. Gucci purses/backpacks suck!!

So why am I putting all this out here...because just as hubby suggested would happen she didn't let a soul see his response, at least not out in the open, she took it down...she actually deleted her entire blog...while I find it really amusing and should just let it go I feel like my hubby should have a chance to have his voice heard.

I did alot of things wrong throughout the year...things that I would take back if I could...I most definitely put my faith into the hands of people that were undeserving of it...that is hard for me to admit because I was warned, I saw the signs and I wanted so badly to make certain people happy I hurt others. I tried to take ownership when I was wrong, I am sure I missed some along the way, don't feel that I think I have no blame in my year going badly..however it is difficult to make your apology meaningful when another person comes behind you and continues to tell half truths at best...it's kind of like what "Dr. Evil" Will from Big Brother knew...it's the last person that talks to someone that makes the bigger impression. I am sorry for some of my actions and to be fair one of the ladies involved in my drama did apologize to me at the end of the year...I am still having a hard time feeling that it was heartfelt but I guess I have to give her credit for making the effort to address me...funny enough she is the lady that hubby apparently verbally assaulted! I let people get in my head and then when they flipped it and turned on me because I wouldn't let them anymore I went into a shell...that is the one thing I wish I had done differently this year it's so unlike me, I felt powerless to stop it. The sad part is these women do snow people because I think they honestly believe everything they do is right and for the most part they try to be helpful...unfortunately that helpfulness is on their terms.

What is boils down to is I have let them continue to slander and abuse me...I allowed that to happen...I shouldn't have but I did...however my family, my husband did not and he is not fair game for you to tell lies about...that is where I draw the line...yes he is a big boy and yes he responded and yes he knows I am posting this because he too feels that his voice should get a chance to be heard. Just to be clear...my hubby is the furthest thing from unsupportive...he is the reason I made it though the past year...these ladies spent most of the year twisting every word that came out of my mouth...this is one time when I will not allow that to happen! And if anyone out there has something to say please feel free...I am not so much about the censoring...

I want to thank you, thank you...

2008-07-17T21:34:00.001-04:00

I had a whole quote blog written in my head for Wednesday all about miscommunication...for some reason I just couldn't get it out...that seems to be happening to me alot lately...great blogs in my head that never quite make it to the computer. Anyhow I realized this time around it was because I really wanted to use a different topic...gratitude. I realized it when I read my friend Karen's blog about her recent turn of events in her house...the economy is turning to crap, we are at war, people are just downright crabby...but in the great scheme of things I am and should be grateful...grateful for my life, my family, the love of my hubby...and for those that know me this is saying alot...most of my life I was dealt a crappy hand...but I am grateful for every day of it....so, yeah, gratitude.

Let us rise up and be thankful, for if we didn't learn a lot today, at least we learned a little, and if we didn't learn a little, at least we didn't get sick, and if we got sick, at least we didn't die; so, let us all be thankful. ~ Buddha

The hardest arithmetic to master is that which enables us to count our blessings. ~ Eric Hoffer

As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them. ~ John F. Kennedy

Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos into order, confusion into clarity.... It turns problems into gifts, failures into success, the unexpected into perfect timing, and mistakes into important events. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today and creates a vision for tomorrow.
~ Melodie Beattie

Gratitude is one of the least articulate of the emotions, especially when it is deep. ~ Felix Frankfurter

...and this one!!!

2008-07-11T18:47:00.003-04:00

Okay...I know! Makes me want to bounce...great club song!! Have to say saw her on So You Think You Can Dance last night...she stinks live...still love the song...loved even better the conversation that ensued as a result of the song with my 10 and 8 year old girls!! Good times!!!

Loving this song...

2008-07-11T18:45:00.001-04:00

Not sure why but I am loving this song...makes me want to dance!

Drowning in the Depths....

2008-07-09T09:25:00.001-04:00

"Live exclusively on the surface and you will surely drown in the depths"

That quote was from my page in my senior yearbook...every ounce of me still feels it to be true however the more I dive into the deep the more I wonder if it would be easier to just be gliding along the surface! I look at the people around me living only on the surface and I wonder why they appear so happy and contented...perhaps it is just a facade...perhaps they are too afraid to dive below into the depths...fear that what they might find they may not like.

I have always lived below in the depths it is a comfortable place for me...I may not be the sweetest or the funniest person you will meet but I am real. The few times in my life I have attempted to live on the surface it felt incredibly fake and contrived. I suppose there will always will times in life we need to put on a mask but I can't imagine having to keep it on for my whole life!

The mark of your ignorance is the depth of your belief in injustice and tragedy. What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the master calls a butterfly. ~ Richard Bach

It is easier to perceive error than to find truth, for the former lies on the surface and is easily seen, while the latter lies in the depth, where few are willing to search for it.

~ Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

We've all got problems!

2008-07-09T09:00:00.001-04:00

We do not have to visit a madhouse to find disordered minds; our planet is the mental institution of the universe. ~ Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Well...now you know!!!

2008-07-07T20:37:00.001-04:00

Apparently I have nothing better to do!!!!!!!!!!!

You Are 80% Cynical

You're a full blown cynic... and probably even skeptical of these results.

You have your optimistic moments, but most likely you keep them to yourself.

What Your Taste in Music Says About You

Your musical tastes are intense and rebellious.

You are intelligent... but in a very unconventional way.

You are curious about the world. You love doing something new.

In fact, you enjoy taking risks and doing things most people would shy away from.

You are very physical. It's likely that you're athletic, but not into team sports.

You have the soul of an artist. Beauty and harmony are important to you.

What Does Your Taste in Music Say About You?

You Are Rock

Powerful and overbearing, you intimidate people with your presence.

People know they can't push you around, and they respect that.

Deep down, you are calm, confident, and unmovable.

You take everything pretty seriously, and you think deeply about all aspects of your life.

You tend to feel smothered by paper people.

You don't mind crushing the spirit of a scissors person.

When you fight, you: Use all of your strength

If someone makes you mad: You're likely to throw something at them

Are You Rock, Paper, or Scissors?

Your Family Is 87% Dysfunctional

Your family is more than a little nuts. And you definitely should think about moving on.

This doesn't mean you need to completely cut your family out of your life...

But it does mean you need to create a healthy support system of your own. One that doesn't involve your family.

Even if you've already made a clean break from your past, it still may be haunting you. Checking in with a therapist from time to time is probably a good idea.

Is Your Family Dysfunctional?

You Are Agnostic

God? Religion? Maybe... you're just not sure.

You're still figuring out your spiritual path... or figuring out you really don't care.

You believe that no one really can know the true story about religion or God.

So you might as well relax a little. You'll go crazy trying make sense of it all.

Are You an Atheist, Agnostic or a Believer?

You Are 55% Bitchy

Generally, you're an average woman, with average moods. But sometimes... well, watch out!

Sometimes, you let your mean side get the better of you. And you enjoy every minute of it.

How Bitchy Are You?

Your Mind is 76% Cluttered

Your mind is quite cluttered. And like most clutter, it's a bunch of crap you don't need.

Try writing down your worst problems and fears. And then put them out of your mind for a while.

How Cluttered is Your Mind?

You Are 78% Tortured Genius

You are smart. Brilliant in fact. And while it's a blessing, it's also a curse.

Your head is filled with everything - grand ideas, insufferable worries, and a good deal of angst.

Are You a Tortured Genius?

You Are 76% Bipolar

You're more than moody - you're a bit unstable.

If your mood swings are effecting your life, you may need to seek help.

Are You Bipolar?

You're Totally Sarcastic

You sarcastic? Never! You're as sweet as a baby bunny.

Seriously, though, you have a sharp tongue - and you aren't afraid to use it.

And if people are too wimpy to deal with your attitutde, then too bad. So sad.

How Sarcastic Are You?

Your Personality is Somewhat Rare (ISTP)

Your personality type is reserved, methodical, spirited, and intense.

Only about 6% of all people have your personality, including 3% of all women and 8% of all men

You are Introverted, Sensing, Thinking, and Perceiving.

How Rare Is Your Personality?

You Are An ISTP

The Mechanic

You are calm and collected, even in the most difficult of situations.

A person of action and self-direction, you love being independent.

To outsiders you seem impulsive, surprising, and unpredictable.

You are good at understanding how all things work, except for people.

In love, you tend to be very easy going and flexible.

The only thing you can't stand for is someone trying to change you or your life.

At work, you can stay completely calm under pressure. You handle stress well.

You would make an excellent pilot, forensic pathologist, or athlete.

How you see yourself: Logical, flexible, and unconventional

When other people don't get you, they see you as: Indecisive, flippant, and disrespctful

What's Your Personality Type?

Well I guess that is me in a nutshell...aren't you glad you asked!!!!

Confessions of a Drama Queen

2008-07-02T19:49:00.003-04:00

It has been a long week and a half or so....went to Miss Sassy's dance nationals....great time...just LONG!!! Left with drama from one friend came home to drama with another....when does it end...I love them but I think something about me just screams..."not enough going on here....need some drama"...blah!!! Anyways...long week!

So I am sitting here again on a Wednesday debating what my topic should be for quotes this week.....since my time seems to be filled drama maybe we will focus on that!!!

To see your drama clearly is to be liberated from it. ~ Ken S. Keyes Jr.

Children seldom have a proper sense of their own tragedy, discounting and keeping hidden the true horrors of their short lives, humbly imagining real calamity to be some prestigious drama of the grown-up world. ~ Shirley Hazzard

There was never yet an uninteresting life. Such a thing is an impossibility. Inside of the dullest exterior there is a drama, a comedy, and a tragedy. ~ Mark Twain

Drama is based on the Mistake. I think someone is my friend when he really is my enemy, that I am free to marry a woman when in fact she is my mother, that this person is a chambermaid when it is a young nobleman in disguise, that this well-dressed young man is rich when he is really a penniless adventurer, or that if I do this such and such a result will follow when in fact it results in something very different. All good drama has two movements, first the making of the mistake, then the discovery that it was a mistake. ~ W. H. Auden

A little rudeness and disrespect can elevate a meaningless interaction to a battle of wills and add drama to an otherwise dull day. ~ Bill Watterson

People don’t want their lives fixed. Nobody wants their problems solved. Their dramas. Their distractions. Their stories resolved. Their messes cleaned up. Because what would they have left? Just the big scary unknown. ~ Chuck Palahniuk

Maybe that's the problem....sometimes the worst known situation is still better than the possibly the best unknown!!!

Been here so long I'm starting to prune!!!

2008-06-23T19:35:00.018-04:00

So my dear friend Karen put up a small list the other day of men that she finds appealing.....got me to thinking about my list. See my hubby and I were watching Friends years ago, Ross had a list of women that if he ever got the opportunity would be okay for him to well...um...you know....even though he was in a realtionship. Anyways...I have a list...men that make me happy....hubby thought he would be funny...his list includes the lady that works around the corner at the grocery store...apparently I didn't specify that it had to be famous people....smartass.....

So here is my list....

Heath Ledger...no matter what he will always top my list...I cried for days when he died...Karen actually called me and told me to sit down before giving me the news....yes...I know I am a freak!

Bono, Paul Hewson, nothing can put me in the mood better than a U2 song...unfortunately my hubby knows this and tends to use it to his advantage! Who doesn't love an Irish boy! That was one of my requirements for the man I married..at least a little bit of Irish in 'em!

Colin Farrell...yes, I love the "bad boys"...I know some of you don't get it...and again...he is Irish!

Hugh Jackman.....he is just yummy! Who does love a bad ass sensitive man!

Johnny Depp...this is probably my longest crush...God, I loved 21 Jump Street! He has only gotten better with age...did you see him at the MTV Awards...I think just maybe I got a little too happy when he came on stage!

John Cusack...what is not to like...he is a genius on camera...good looking to boot!

Ryan Reynolds...he IS the reason I watched Two Guys, A Girl and A Pizza Parlor...he solidify it for me with the remake of Amityville....OMG!!!!!!!!!

Keanu Reeves...I know this is not a popular choice...he is a little bit of everything I love about my hubby...that's enough for me!

So I am adding some new faces to my list here lately...

Shia LaBeouf...yes, I know he is way too young for me...hell I saw him on the Disney Channel...I don't care he is over 18 and gorgeous...and a BRILLIANT actor...can't wait to see more of him!

Milo Ventimiglia....I am jumping on the bandwagon here...that video he is in with Fergie...it's just not right...you don't leave a man that looks like that...yes... most of the tattoos are fake...but really I would be good even if they weren't!

Joseph Gordon-Levitt... he is such a great actor...seems to march to his own drummer which I love!

Wow...we seriously are now basking down in the shallow end of the pool as Karen would say!! Anyhow I am realizing by looking back at my "list" I most definitely have a "type"...thank God my hubby is tall with brown hair and brown eyes...a little bit funny and a little bit serious...I guess I chose well!!

Who makes you happy?

Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end....

2008-06-18T12:01:00.004-04:00

So after a few weeks absence I thought I should pick back up with my weekly quote blogs...this week....closure. Seeing as I just put some closure to a large part of my life I thought this would be apropos. I found my light, it is getting brighter by the day...see my reign as "that" PTA mom, the PTA President, is over...after a long struggle to get out!!! It was a long complicated year, I expected to want to vent about it over the weekend as that was when my term ended, but instead I found that I am good to let it go, let it sink to the bottom of the abyss with a large block wrapped around it. It was a hurtful year as you may have already gathered, I was disappointed in the humanity of people, I wanted to like women again and have some faith...instead I was lambasted by those I thought were my friends. So now I am chalking up to a HUGE learning experience, I will be better for it, more appreciative of my time and those around me that I love. See there can always be an upside...sometimes you just have to hunt it out......

What we call the beginning is often the end. And to make an end is to make a beginning. The end is where we start from. ~ T.S. Eliot

A sad thing in life is that sometimes you meet someone who means a lot to you only to find out in the end that it was never bound to be and you just have to let go. ~ Unknown

Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in, forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day, you shall begin it well and serenely. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

There is something beautiful about all scars of whatever nature. A scar means the hurt is over, the wound is closed and healed, done with. ~ Harry Crews

Always look to the good stuff in your life, otherwise you're wasting what time you're given here sulking about the crap that in the end won't be anything to you. ~ Unknown

Didn't make it back to base quick enough!!

2008-06-17T08:16:00.003-04:00

Alright, so Karen tagged me....I think she just wants me to get off my lazy ass and blog! :)

Here's the deal. Think back on the last 15 years of your life. What would you tell someone that you hadn't seen or talked to for 15 years? How would you sum up your life?

You get 10 bullet points. A list of 10 things to summarize you. At the end of your list, tag 5 more people and send on the love.

Hmmm....15 years ago I was 16 years old....this should be interesting!

*I graduated from Pine View School for the Gifted, cause I am special that way! After which I was accepted to UCF...was introduced to a group fraternity boys....lived, ate and slept with them....mind out of the gutter people....only "slept" with one....they became like a big dysfunctional family to me....that my friends is where I met my hubby...

*Left home...offically....told my stepfather to go *F* himself...with one quick blow any relationship with my "parents" was done...that my friends is a LONG story for another day.

*Flunked out of UCF....twice....all that "giftedness" in me!

*Started working in the Admissions Office of UCF...yes, I see the irony....the larger irony is they wanted to pay for me to go back to school to become a admissions officer.....God has a funny sense of humor!

*I got pregnant, by my then boyfriend, we didn't want to get married, mainly because everyone wanted us to, rebellion, gotta love it! Had a beautiful little girl that now rolls her eyes at me on a daily basis....Little Miss Know It All!

*Boyfriend graduated college, we got married, went on a honeymoon and moved to Pennsylvania...all in one week in May 1998!

*Decided when Little Miss Know It All was 15 months old "we" wanted another one...apparently my house was laced in crack and I was unaware....I stopped the pill and two weeks later....two lines, people, two lines...we didn't want one that quick, yet nine months later Miss Sassy joined us.

*At 7 months pregnant we moved back to Florida, back to my hometown, where my mother that I still did not talk to lived, good times, good times.....

* We bought our first real house....then we sold it after a year...we moved back to Pennsylvania, I think I cried silently the whole way. We were met in PA, literally as we crossed the border from Delaware with 12+ inches of snow....fresh new snow...every 10 yards was a car that spun out into a large ditch....Welcome HOME!!!

*9-11 happened...we lived in the Philly-NYC- NJ little tri-area....we also lived 2 miles away from a nuclear power plant....I gave my hubby till June to get us out....we moved back to Florida in April.

*Moved into in nice house in a nice subdivision made many great new friends....feeling all safe and family like we decided to add to our bode...Little Miss Drama was born and we realized that we were done.

*And now...I volunteer too much of my time, save to little for my family and the house is NEVER clean....speaking of which it's time to get on that!

So I know I went over my allotted 10 bullets but really rules are annoying and only really meant to be broken, ask my kids they will tell you!!!! I am not a fan of playground games, the others kids weren't very nice to me....so I am tagging anyone who chooses to join...if you would like to play along feel free...it's harder than you think...however feel no pressure!!! Although I know Christy always needs something to write about, she has such a hard time blogging! ;)

The 13th...

2008-06-13T22:08:00.005-04:00

Today is my father's birthday...he would have been 62...he died 19 years ago. It's funny how you can miss someone that has been gone that long. He was by no means the best dad in the world but he sure was alot of fun...fun normally ensues when you have no rules! I was his only child, his one true love...unfortunately he loved his whiskey almost as much, maybe even a little more.

My father lived through alot....his father was a Colonel in the Army, he helped run the selective service department in Louisville during Vietnam, the same time my father was turning of age to be drafted. You would think this gave him an edge, my father thought so too, thought he would find an easy way out, he was great at those...my grandfather despised that part of him....so he enlisted in the Air Force National Guard...the safe place to be...or so he thought...got called to action almost right away, he ended up flying cargo planes during Vietnam, I think he saw one too many people die...whiskey became a real good friend after the war.

He married my mother only to find out she was in it for the money, the one thing he could give two shits about. Oh how he loved her, that would be his downfall. They divorced when I was four, it was ugly, she remarried one of his closest friends, but that is a story for another day. Now he and the bottle were permanently attached.

Can't tell you how many accidents he had because he was piss-ass drunk and driving. Luckily he only ever injured himself. The worst was when he decided to go chasing after my stepmother, sleeping at her ex-husbands house, on his motorcycle. Apparently he didn't see the gigantic telephone pole on the side of the road. He had handlebars through his stomach and his foot was severed all but the Achilles tendon. You would think that would encourage one to stop with the drinking crap but not so much with my dad, he was thick headed that way.

My stepmother's brothers were never very fond of my dad, they were asses, criminals to be more exact. One night they decided to chase my father around the barn, yes people remember I am from Kentucky, and proceeded to beat the crap out of him, can't remember what excuse he gave for that one.

Then there was always the time that my stepbrother decided to shoot my father in the gut, bullet went straight into the freezer, we left it like that till the day he died. He never really told the truth about that one either, told me he shot himself cleaning a rifle which would not only be ridiculous but physically impossible as well. Little bastard got away with it!

With all this one would think somewhere along the way he would get his shit in order and sober up. Well in December 1988 he tried, he was divorcing my stepmother and trying to gain more courtesy of me. The August before, the last time I saw him in person, I asked him why he drank, I was 11. He told me because of all the pain in his life, all the anger, especially towards my mother. Stupid 11 year old kid that I was I asked why he couldn't do something else, "Like what?" he asked...I said I didn't know. He told me to think about it....while he ran into the store...the liquor store. New drink in hand he awaited my answer...."How about hitting a pillow?" I don't recall his reply but I remember making it very clear that summer I was fed up and angry myself. I found all his stashes in the house and poured them down the sink. He was never angry with me, not once in my life did he ever raise his voice to me, much less a hand, but the next day new bottles would just appear.

That December he got sick, real sick....told me all the great things we could plan for my winter break, I had a day by day schedule all ready. I even knew he was trying to quit drinking, little did I know what that would mean. My father had been an alcoholic for almost 20 years...he tried to detox on his own. He had to call my grandparents back from Hawaii to take care of him. They picked him up drove him to the only real home he ever knew, that one I spoke of as my one regret, my grandmother put him in bed, pulled up the sheets and watched him take one last breath. On December 13th he died of alcohol withdrawal syndrome, his heart gave out, his body needed the alcohol to live and he denied it.

For years I blamed myself, I was the one that asked him to stop....I killed my daddy. I was probably 20 years old before I really understood it wouldn't have mattered. His liver was 600% larger than it should have been, I guess everyone has a point of no return.

Despite his huge shortcoming he was a good man, an honest man, a man willing to help anyone, a man with NO prejudice, a man that so many called a friend, I just wish one of those friends would have helped sooner. He was so much fun, probably more fun that a dad should have been, he didn't seem to understand the whole kids can get hurt thing. If I wanted it I got it, he used to wake up early, hungover and all, drive to the bakery, 15 minutes away and get me long john donuts. He really was a loving father, I just wish he would have loved himself enough to stop...maybe then I would be saying he "would" have been 62.

So for what it's worth Daddy...Happy Birthday...I hope you have found some peace...I miss you everyday...and I love you every bit as much as I did 19 years ago.

Nada.....

2008-05-28T21:24:00.003-04:00

Alright people....I got nothing, I mean nothing! No wit, no insight. Lots of ramblings going on in my head but nothing that I can get down right now. So sheerly for the sake that I have to put a quote out today, because well I just have to....it's Wednesday and it's in the rules :).....I will share with you that currently the song "Head like a hole" by NIN it on repeat in my little brain....no, I did not hear it on the radio, I think possibly that is just how I am currently feeling! With that in mind it leads me to this.....here are my quotes for this week and a little music to put you in the mood!

If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough. ~ Mario Andretti

Control is never achieved when sought after directly. It is the surprising outcome of letting go. ~ James Arthur Ray

Our whole constitutional heritage rebels at the thought of giving government the power to control men's minds. ~ Thurgood Marshall

When someone talks about self discipline, it usually means they want to control someone. ~ Unknown

The closest to being in control we will ever be is in that moment that we realize we're not. ~ Brian Kessler

Judgement Day

2008-05-26T10:14:00.006-04:00

Upon the direction of my friend Karen I went and read a blog today, I had stopped in before but today I read the whole back story, and in return I made a self realization....now I am feeling the need to write it down. I am one of those people that needs to write it down, it makes all the crap swirling around in my head come together with some coherence.

Somehow over the past three years I have become afraid of judgement....there it is....my huge realization.....

Now, in honesty I knew this somewhere in the back of my brain, but after reading this man's blog about his journey to happiness, not a sappy love story for those clicking over, the light bulb in my head that had been flickering for days went off like a 300watt light bulb.

I have surrounded myself with people that do a whole lot judging for the last few years and as much as I hate to admit it, a little bit has rubbed off, I hate myself for that! I have always had high expectations and in general get annoyed easily with people but judging was never my thing.

It is the judgement of some of these people that keeps me from being as honest here, and in daily life, as I am in my head. I am afraid of how it will affect me, my kids, the way people look at me. UGH!!! I have never really given a shit, what is up with me??????????? I know this is what my hubby has been saying to me for quite a while, sometimes you just gotta get there yourself!

So here it is....judge if you want...I am not a nice person a lot of the time...I don't really enjoy that many people....I get annoyed - ALOT...I cuss like a sailor, and yes, even in front of my kids, I do have a limit when it comes to being around other kids...I am a religious person but my faith remains shaken most days...I have no patience for people that can't get their shit together...I think women in general are catty and unsupportive of each other, it is better to be alone than to deal with their bull shit...I am a cynic...I am a hypocrite more often than I would like...I invite drama into my life and don't always take ownership of it....I listen to loud angry music, my three year old sings along...I yell WAY too much...I ignore my household chores - everyday...sometimes life is just too hard...I give too much of myself away and don't give enough to my family...my expectations are too high and I really don't want to lower them...I am okay that some people hate me but the fact that they talk shit about me makes me want to scream and some days possibly impale them....again, did I mention I am not a nice person a lot of the time...I am too honest....I forget to keep my mouth shut at times...I am too trusting...I am aware that I am complex and I don't desire for others to get me...I have to get burned to really learn my lesson...some days I wish I didn't have to be responsible for others...this list will continue much longer than I am willing to sit here and type...I am aware of how this list makes me look and I still want to publish it because it is who I am, maybe I should keep it to myself but I guess maybe it's time to be real. I do alot of good for alot of people and sometimes that is hard to see when I look at the real me...in truth I am a very loving person that takes life too seriously most of the time....I am working on it!

Ouch....was that as painful for you as it was for me.....?

"Do not judge others, and you will not be judged. For you will be treated as you treat others. The standard you use in judging is the standard by which you will be judged. And why worry about a speck in your friend's eye when you have a log in your own? How can you think of saying to your friend, 'Let me help you get rid of that speck in your eye,' when you can't see past the log in your own eye? Hypocrite! First get rid of the log in your own eye; then you will see well enough to deal with the speck in your friend's eye." Matthew 7:1-5

How did you spend your holiday?

2008-05-26T09:20:00.001-04:00

This, my friends, is why not to leave the kids at home with hubby to go to the store......

And also the reason not to let him then go to the store once you are home, because guess who get to clean the baby?!!!

On with the show.....

2008-05-23T10:37:00.000-04:00

I figured I would continue with my story from last week, mainly because I want brag a bit about what a GREAT hubby I have, so.....picking up where I left off....last Thursday night....Hubby was home safe and sound, I was feeling good about my last meeting, time to think about that gift again! Hubby had already gotten me 10 dozen sterling roses....he is so sweet....and we were going out on Friday night, somewhere nice, suit and tie nice....hmmm.....I hate secrets!!! So Friday morning off to buy my sentimental gift, a small something, a clock made of tin, 10 years and all! Stop by, you guessed it, the school to do a few quick things and then home to get all decked out! Now I knew we were going to Cirque de Soleil...I was VERY excited, but still NO idea of where we were going for dinner! Get dressed up and his uncle was at our house promptly at 4pm...time to head out!

Cirque de Soleil was AMAZING!! Let me just say that I really assumed that it was just a tourist trap, being on Disney property and all. Now trust me I spend plenty of time and money at Disney but this show was incredible. I can see why people go back so many times, there is SO much going you don't know where to focus. Hubby and I have already talked about taking the girls to go see it....you know it has to be good to spend $40 each to take small children to go see!

We milled around Downtown Disney for a while, Hubby was stalling, I knew we were going to eat, could tell we had a reservation, just didn't know where. Finally after an hour of walking around we headed out....towards Magic Kingdom, now I am really confused....then towards the Grand Floridian....the most expensive hotel on Disney property, I am dying to stay there!! We tried to on our wedding night 10 years ago, for a single night in a "suite", again this 10 years ago, was almost $600...umm....yeah, like I said still dying to stay there!

Anyhow, finally realize at the guards gate where we were going!!! Victoria and Albert's!!! OMG!!!!! See our neighbor is a chef there, has given us all the low down but never did I imagine we would actually eat there! It costs $125 each just to walk in the door for the "basic" menu! Let me just say by the end of the night I could have taken one of my kids on a cruise! It was magnificent! The food was to die for, we tried things we would never normally eat....foie gras, wagyu steak, elk, sweetbreads(yeah, not so much liking that, mainly because I knew was it was). I felt SO bad, I was stuffed beyond belief by the time dessert came around, our neighbor was the one making them that night.....Hawaiian Kona Souffle, Peruvian Chocolate Ice Cream with Puff Pastry and Tanzanian Chocolate Pyramid with 24 kt gold, yes people I ATE gold!!!! Hubby paid the bill, I chose not to look, I thought the gag reflex I would have would have wasted that wonderful meal then residing in my stomach! But hey, our valet parking was validated!

The best part was since our friend was in the kitchen, we got to go back at the end of the night when everyone was done and check it out! Did I mention I before that I LOVE Gordon Ramsey??? It was such a treat....for hubby too, he didn't think our friend was working that night! All in all it was such a perfect gift....super excessive, but hell, we made it to 1o years, that is an accomplishment people!!! It is now a week later and I still feel full!!!! Anyhow, not that hubby and I don't have our ups and downs but it was such a nice reminder of how he really wants to make me happy and how lucky I am to have him!!!

Alright, alright, I am done being sappy now!!!!

Let me go home....

2008-05-21T00:01:00.000-04:00

My thoughts for this week's subject matter have been scattered...something normally prompts me to choose a subject. Mine should be love this week, 10th anniversary and all, it should, I tried to make it work, but my mind wandered elsewhere. Honestly I have Ingot to blame, well maybe not blame but he prompted my line of thought. It is a hard line to follow...see Ingot is from the Louisville area, Louisville lives in my heart in a weird twisted way that I want to live there again but probably never really would. Louisville is where my one regret lies.....

Regret....I don't get it. Everything in life happens as it was supposed to, every day, every decision has it's purpose....the choices we make may not be right but they may take us to one that is, they may shape us into the way we were meant to be.

I have had some tough roads to walk down in my life and honestly I regret none of them. That may shock some that know me and know all my stories. Like I have always said, I was born into drama, I am like a magnet, but I wouldn't change it, because if I did I would change me. I am good with me, I feel like I am learning in this life what I am supposed to. I may not be happy all the time but I don't feel that is the point of life. No regrets, for choices I have made or for those that others have.

Except one, and in light of what I just said it is going to sound SO stupid. I had a home once, not a house, a home...in Louisville. Alot of people familiar with Louisville will know it, or at least where I am talking about. In Cherokee Triangle, big old house on the hill on the Parkway across from the Park. It was beautiful, it was my grandparents' house, it was the only real home I ever knew, the only stable thing I ever had in my life. I sold it. I sold it about five years ago. I knew in my heart it was the wrong choice, I knew the minute I did it. My only regret.....

Make it a rule of life never to regret and never to look back. Regret is an appalling waste of energy; you can't build on it; it's only for wallowing in. ~ Katherine Mansfield

I have no regrets. I wouldn't have lived my life the way I did if I was going to worry about what people were going to say. ~ Ingrid Bergman

If we fill our hours with regrets over the failures of yesterday, and with worries over the problems of tomorrow, we have no today in which to be thankful. ~ Unknown

Love is sometimes denied, sometimes lost, sometimes unrecognized, but in the end always found with no regrets, forever valued and kept treasured... ~ Unknown - see I got something about love in there after all :)

There are no regrets in life, just lessons. ~ Jennifer Aniston - Okay I know, but really she has a point at least....

Accept everything about yourself--I mean everything. You are you and that is the beginning and the end--no apologies, no regrets. ~ Henry Kessinger

All human beings have failings, all human beings have needs and temptations and stresses. Men and women who live together through long years get to know one another's failings; but they also come to know what is worthy of respect and admiration in those they live with and in themselves. If at the end one can say, This man used to the limit the powers that God granted him; he was worthy of love and respect and of the sacrifices of many people, made in order that he might achieve what he deemed to be his task, then that life has been lived well and there are no regrets. ~ Eleanor Roosevelt

Sometimes, struggles are exactly what we need in our life. If we were to go through our life without any obstacles, we would be crippled. We would not be as strong as what we could have been. Give every opportunity a chance, leave no room for regrets. ~ Unknown

It could've been worse.....

2008-05-20T14:32:00.004-04:00

Okay, so this is for you Karen......

Lucy and Ethel....what a perfect assessment!!!!

Are we having fun yet???

2008-05-20T09:31:00.005-04:00

So let's take a step back....things have been a bit crazy for me since last week and I figured I would share some of this, partially because some of it is just too good not to and partially to oblige Christy's need for more blogging ;)....

Let's start with Thursday....see Thursday I was supposed to be driving to one of our many local malls to pick up an anniversary gift for my husband....I got a bit sidetracked! The little one and I were home getting ready and receive a phone call from Karen, she sounded a bit frantic, needed to know when my hubby was getting home from NY. The answer of not till tonight was not what she wanted to hear...she was currently being held hostage in her garage by a "large black snake" that was residing inside her kitchen. To be honest what ensued next was possibly one of the funnier things that has happened to me in a LONG time and I definitely needed a good laugh before my upcoming evening events, we will get to that people! Anyhow, I would explain the whole story but she already did such a fabulous job on her blog I will just link you there....http://whospeteshouldibeworried.blogspot.com/2008/05/snakes-whyd-it-have-to-be-snakes.html....go now, then come back, you will understand, I will wait.....no really, go and read. I do have to give her a little thanks, all the pics she took of my ass on the floor trying to coax the snake out of the cabinet remain where they should...hidden away on her laptop....thanks Karen!! This event took a good few hours of my time before I had to go get Miss Sassy and then later Miss Know it All....see my days are never easy, God forbid I should actually be able to pick up everyone at the same time, it's much more fun to drive to the school twenty times a day....really I am not bitter, no really!

So after dropping off the older two girls I head back to the school, yes people, back to the school, for my last PTA board meeting. See this the topic I have been avoiding since the inception of this blog...I am a PTA president, and I regret almost every day that I said yes, there I said it. I am still not willing to discuss the details of why PTA is so painful for me but what I will say is that on this night of my last meeting I wore this shirt.....

Yes I wore it on purpose, yes I am aware this gives other much fodder to discuss me but really they were going to anyways, I was just trying to be helpful, give them a conversation starter. To answer your question this time, yes, yes I am bitter! :) Honestly the meeting went very smoothly, I walked away not even shedding one tear!! The new board is starting their planning and I am feeling a heavy weight beginning to lift off my chest....aww...that light is becoming quite bright!!!!

I still do.....

2008-05-16T08:42:00.007-04:00

Hmmm...so today I have been married for 10 whole years...wow, it's funny how nowadays that seems like a huge accomplishment. We had many things against us when we got married, we were young...I wasn't even legal to drink the champagne the country club served us! We also had a baby out of wedlock...the shock, the horror...well back in 1998 it still was at least! Realistically hubby and I would have married sooner if we didn't get pregnant but once we did and everyone kept yelling we "HAD" to get married, well, we refused, it was out of defiance that we didn't....like I said, we were young!

We have had our ups and downs...of course...but when you start out it seems impossible to imagine ten years...yet here we are...

I am lucky to have a husband who has stuck by me through a lot...my life has not always been a charmed one and he has always be right there with me...he claims it's not for the money! :)

Truly, I am blessed...he has given me three beautiful girls, a wonderful life and himself....what else can a girl ask for??

Umm, that would be 10 dozen sterling roses.....

I see the light.....

2008-05-14T00:01:00.003-04:00

I used to pride myself on the ability to see into someone and find their true character. I have had enough false people in my life to give me plenty of practice starting off at a very young age. So I find myself a bit lost this last year or so, I seemed to have misplaced it. I can't weed out the bull shit anymore, at least not well, I am not sure what that means. People may not like me but I find it unnecessary to hide my character, I think you should lay it on the line, not to be hurtful but because who has the time to present a false front. Not that I have never put forth a fake face but those times are far and few between.

I have learned SO much in the past few weeks about my unhappiness, the lack of sincerity in others and people's general negativity....I got sucked in, that's where I lost it - my ability to hunt down the bull shit, it's hard to find the bull shit when you are swimming in it - forest for the trees and all....well, I am getting out....there is a light at the end of the tunnel, it is fast approaching and I am looking forward to a whole new me at the other end, or rather rediscovering me at the other end!! Most likely my true character, the one I lost while floundering in the muck, will be waiting, ever so patiently, to smack me upside the head, followed politely after with a "what the hell?"....oh, wait, maybe that will just be my hubby......

Character is like a tree and reputation like its shadow. The shadow is what we think of it; the tree is the real thing. - Abraham Lincoln

Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street. - Elbert Hubbard

Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved. - Helen Keller

People with courage and character always seem sinister to the rest. - Hermann Hesse

The farther behind I leave the past, the closer I am to forging my own character. - Isabelle Eberhardt

When the character of a man is not clear to you, look at his friends. - Japanese Proverb

Character builds slowly, but it can be torn down within incredible swiftness. - Faith Baldwin

People seem not to see that their opinion of the world is also a confession of character. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

No change of circumstances can repair a defect of character - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Character is so largely affected by association, that we cannot afford to be indifferent as to who or what our friends are. - Unknown

To wish you were someone else is to waste the person you are. - Unknown

You can’t talk your way out of what you’ve behaved yourself into. - Stephen Covey

Do you smell something? Oh, wait, that's me....

Sidenote: I am quite amused by being able to add a song each time I do a quote post but man it takes way too much brainpower....hence the late song this time around........it is one of my new favorites....Linkin Park makes me happy, just enough angst mixed with thought provoking lyrics, no really, I am serious......

Take all your so-called problems, Better put them in quotations

2008-05-07T00:24:00.004-04:00

Apologies and Forgivness.....hmmmmm....the world is full of both, unfortunately too much of the time they are falsely given. For too many people they are offered out of selfishness....how truly sad!

Apologies....

Apologizing - a very desperate habit - one that is rarely cured. Apology is only egotism wrong side out. ~Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr.

A stiff apology is a second insult.... The injured party does not want to be compensated because he has been wronged; he wants to be healed because he has been hurt. ~G.K. Chesterton

It is a good rule in life never to apologize. The right sort of people do not want apologies, and the wrong sort take a mean advantage of them. ~P.G. Wodehouse

True remorse is never just a regret over consequence; it is a regret over motive. ~Mignon McLaughlin

When you realize you've made a mistake, make amends immediately. It's easier to eat crow while it's still warm.~ Dan Heist

......and forgiveness

Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much. ~ Oscar Wilde

Our anger and annoyance are more detrimental to us than the things themselves which anger or annoy us. ~ Marcus Aurelius

Forgo your anger for a moment and save yourself a hundred days of trouble. ~ Chinese proverb

Forgiveness does not overlook the deed. It rises above it.~Pumla Gobodo-Madikizela

You know you have forgiven someone when he or she has harmless passage through your mind. ~ Rev. Karyl Huntley

Forgiveness is a gift you give to yourself. It is not something you do FOR someone else. ~ Larry James

Forgiveness is the fragrance the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it. ~ Mark Twain

The best apology against false accusers is silence and sufferance, and honest deeds set against dishonest words ~ John Milton

Actions truly do speak louder than words!

In the name of love....

2008-04-30T00:01:00.001-04:00

Pride...

....sometimes I find myself too full of it and sometimes not nearly enough!

There is much proud humility and humble pride in the world. - James Lendall Basford

Though pride is not a virtue, it is the parent of many virtues. - John Churton Collins

The pride of the heart is the attribute of honest men; pride of manners is that of fools; the pride of birth and rank is often the pride of dupes. - Charles Pineau Duclos

A proud man never shows his pride so much as when he is civil. - Sir Fulke Greville

“Vanity and pride are different things, though the words are often used synonymously. A person may be proud without being vain. Pride relates more to our opinion of ourselves; vanity, to what we would have others think of us.”- Jane Austen

“Disciplining yourself to do what you know is right and importance, although difficult, is the highroad to pride, self-esteem, and personal satisfaction.” - Margaret Thatcher

“The truly proud man knows neither superiors nor inferiors. The first he does not admit of; the last he does not concern himself about.” -William Hazlitt

“Pride is a vice, which pride itself inclines every man to find in others, and to overlook in himself” - Samuel Johnson

“You can't give people pride, but you can provide the kind of understanding that makes people look to their inner strengths and find their own sense of pride." - Charleszetta Waddles

“Pride is a personal commitment. It is an attitude which separates excellence from mediocrity.”- Unknown

“Generosity is giving more than you can, and pride is taking less than you need.” -Kahlil Gibran

"Wrongs are often forgiven, but the contempt never is. Our pride remembers it forever." - Earl of Chesterfield

Thanks for stopping by for another quotable Wednesday! BTW...that is my FAVORITE U2 song and for those of you that know me that says alot! Bono...right up there with God... :)

The shallow end of the pool...

2008-04-29T21:42:00.007-04:00

Since as my friend Karen has stated I am residing in the shallow end of the pool this week I thought I would wallow here a bit longer! :)

This man makes me happy....

However, this man makes me even happier....

That's all, thanks!

The show must go on........

2008-04-29T11:03:00.007-04:00

So I went to see Wicked this weekend! OMG!!! Those girls are AMAZING!!! This is one of those shows that I will definitely see again, hopefully this fall in NYC! :) The greatest thing for me about this show was that I got lost in it...that requires alot for me. I love theater, I love the stage, I love going to shows, however during most shows I am picking it apart in my head, imaging the goings on backstage. See that is my love, theater production. I regret everyday that I let my mother convince me to go into business as a major instead. But I got lost in Wicked, it was that amazing. I wasn't concerned about how the costume changes went, where the props where coming from, watching the catwalk above me, I just really enjoyed it, it was a nice change!

This leads me to the other reason for my blog today...I am freaking out!! I decided a few months back that I would go back to school, complete at a minimum my AS in theater production. I royally screwed up in college....all about the boys and the parties! Anyhow, here it is over 10 years since I was last in college and I am freaking. The reason for my FREAKING is quite simple, not fear of the classes or the work, but rather the CPT....the damn College Placement Test!! Apparently if you have been out of school as long as me you have to take this test when you attempt to go back. It means nothing that my GPA was 3.8 and that the SAT was well over 1200 back 13 years ago, humility is not my strong suit, I am trying here people. Now it is all about me taking these tests to make sure I don't need any remedial classes! Are you kidding me?????? So I decided to take some practice ones online, English, Reading, Arithmetic and Algebra. Should have been a breeze.....well let's say I passed the Reading and English, my worst subjects btw, the arithmetic was okay, not great though, now the algebra I FAILED, miserably, as in less than a 60%!!!!! My hubby stood behind me and laughed as I tried to remember how the hell to factor!! Please note people I took Calculus at a freaking gifted school, again with the humble, not so good at it! ARE YOU KIDDING ME??? 60%.....I am now officially FREAKING OUT!! How did I get so stupid? I am very concerned! I used to be a smart person. I have felt my brain slowly seeping out over the years. I do understand that the choice I made to be a stay at home mom was not conducive to stimulating intellectual conversation, but still I should remember how to factor.

Currently I am trying to reassure myself that with a few weeks of studying I will be fine. I refuse to take remedial classes to be able to take classes to learn how to handle stage production! See I am a lucky girl, I have one fabulous hubby, not only have I been able to stay home all these years but now that I am going back to school it is for something fun with next to nothing as a paycheck. What makes him even better is the fact that if it were up to him he would be right there along with me. I feel so guilty being able to fulfill my dreams while he is working to support our family. Don't get me wrong, he does not hate his job, well not most days, and he is AWESOME at it, but in an ideal world it would not be his top choice. So I say to him thank you for letting me get to play!

So later this week I will be stopping by the bookstore on the local community college's campus to pick up my study guide to reteach me things that I learned in middle school. Are we having fun yet?!

....Just Cause....

2008-04-28T19:27:00.002-04:00

Really, just because....because I was looking for something else entirely and this just popped up....I feel like that was someone's way of telling I needed to share it with all of you! Just in case you were wondering I am no longer is mourning...the sadness persists however.....thanks so much for your concern!

I keep talking but no one is listening.......

2008-04-28T19:10:00.003-04:00

To the mother I see every week at the dance studio......

I would like to clarify our conversation, it apparently needs to be seeing as we have had the same conversation every week now for the past few months and you persist every week in asking the SAME questions over again!

So....

Yes, that is my daughter.
Yes, that's right, the little one.
Yes, she does take the same two classes as your girls.
Yes, she is the youngest in the second class.
Yes, she is on company and competes.
Yes, she does take more classes during the week, as a matter of fact she is at the studio for about 6 hours any given week.
Yes, she has been on company ALL year.
No she is not new, this is not my first year here, been here since the beginning.
And the new question for this week, yes I do know that mom's name, yes I do know her son is an amazing dancer and yes, I do know the WHOLE story about her trip to NYC.....see again, not new here!!

So next week...same place, same time.....maybe I will just print this out....save us some time....maybe we will find something else to talk about that doesn't make me want to walk away!

Seriously.............................

2008-04-25T17:22:00.003-04:00

For those of you that have asked, this is how my day was..........Little Miss Drama went into the elementary school, at the end of the day, like this........and I am SO blaming Karen...."oh just let her put it on, it's not worth the fight".......that's all I gotta say people....that's it....nothing more!

UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2008-04-24T17:31:00.002-04:00

Just in case anyone was wondering out there in blogland that is how I currently feel. Most definitely not an unfamiliar feeling however today I am feeling it about a whole new topic! So until I have more intelligent things to say I will say nothing for fear of the blatant pissiness that I would be spewing! Thanks for stopping by, hope your day is going better!

Wednesday Again......

2008-04-23T06:45:00.005-04:00

I can't believe how quickly time is flying lately....I feel like I blink and I lost a week. It is too early for me to focus to clearly but I know I will be gone for most of the rest of the day!

I scratched my cornea this week, let me just say that if you can avoid that I would do so without hesitation. I bring this up because it brings me to my topic this week.....perspective. It is amazing what you find unnecessary to do when not feeling well and what you deem as still having to be done. So perspective.....

You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist. - Friedrich Nietzsche, I LOVE Nietzsche, cliche I know :)

We judge others by their behavior. We judge ourselves by our intentions. - Ian Percy

Flowers often grow more beautifully on dung-hills than in gardens that look beautifully kept. -Saint Francis de Sales

It is seldom indeed that one parts on good terms, because if one were on good terms one would not part. - Marcel Proust

Not everything that is more difficult is more meritorious. - Saint Thomas Aquinas

All religions issue bibles against him, and say most injurious things about him, but we never hear his side. - Mark Twain, about the Devil - okay, really, just because I think that is funny.....

A gifted small girl has explained that pins are a great means of saving life, "by not swallowing them." - Charles Edward Montague, Dramatic Values

It isn't that they can't see the solution. It is that they can't see the problem. - G.K. Chesterton

To really enjoy the better things in life, one must first have experienced the things they are better than. - Oscar Holmolka

Some men see things as they are and ask why. Others dream things that never were and ask why not. - George Bernard Shaw

One man's frankness is another man's vulgarity. - Kevin Smith

Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one. - Paul Eldridge

Necessity is not an established fact, but an interpretation. - Friedrich Nietzsche

And I will stop there, because obviously I have gone too far! :)

....I have now had to re-edit this blog four times, because apparently the spelling part of my brain does not work before 8am....note to self, when starting school again no early morning classes.....hope you are all functioning more clearly than me!!

ROFL!!!!!!

2008-04-22T17:42:00.001-04:00

Back to your regularly scheduled programming....

2008-04-21T11:00:00.003-04:00

We have a new addition....I am not happy about it....not sure how this happened! Miss Know It All went to a party, an aquarium theme, do you see where this is going? My friend Karen's child attended this party as well, she had joked with me earlier in the day that it had been mentioned to her about a party that was a Carnival theme where fish were given as the prizes. What a great idea she said, too which I informed her what I would do to her if this ever became the case. She felt that Little Drama really needed her own fish and thought it would be very amusing, I however was not so much laughing!!

Fast forward to 10pm at night....I pick up Miss Know it All from said birthday party...the parents, which are possibly some of the nicest people I know, whisper to me, "we aren't doing goodie bags, we bought fish, can she have one?". Now please understand that Miss Thing, or rather Miss Know it All, is standing right next to me! She already has the hamster from HELL, okay maybe it just doesn't like me. What was I supposed to do????? Needless to say we walked out with one beautiful new blue Siamese fighting fish that is now named Aqua!!

Thanks goodness for us we own every size fish tank imaginable and they all reside unused in my garage. So today Aqua will get a new home. DAMN PETS!!!!! I did however inform my daughter that they don't live long, looked it up, read quickly as she peered over my shoulder, went quickly past the people that claimed they could live up to 10 years and decided that the person stating 3 years would be sufficient! 10 years, are you kidding me!!! The freaking hamster is only gonna live another two!

Oh, yes, then there was the email from my oh so lovely friend Karen, she swears she didn't know! Sure.....I know somewhere she was cueing her evil laughter, Muhahaha!!! I only feel slightly better about it in the fact that she got a new addition too!!!! Well now.....Muhahaha right back at ya!!! :)

False hope......

2008-04-20T16:56:00.003-04:00

What is it about expecting apologizes that insures you will never receive one?

Seeing as I don't like to be called a hypocrite.....I apologize. Not an open ended meaningless apology but rather I apologize for using words that were hurtful, for words that spoke from a place of contempt....I however do not offer this apology to the Lord first as others may see fit but rather to the person I may have hurt. I would be naive to expect the same in return. For I need to learn to bit my tongue, I need to learn who to have faith in, I need to remember that everyone is flawed. This does not mean that I do not expect people to treat me with respect or that I will remain silent when hearing of their blatant meanness. But rather I am choosing the road of asking for forgiveness.....without expecting anything in return, it is clear that others find forgiveness unnecessary. UGH....too many times I have found myself alone on this road!!

Letting it all out......

2008-04-18T16:30:00.003-04:00

Confrontation:

1.an act of confronting.
2.the state of being confronted.
3.a meeting of persons face to face.
4.an open conflict of opposing ideas, forces, etc.
5.a bringing together of ideas, themes, etc., for comparison.

I find myself needing to write today not to the worldwide web but rather one specific person...this lady who was once a part of my life decided to bait me today, I tend not to read her blog but did today, the reason I will leave unsaid....anyhow, I am taking the bait.....I am taking the bait because for the past 6 months I have not and been pissed off about it too many of those 180 days...I shouldn't I don't want her to know the effect she has had on me, but to be honest I am sick of her better than thou crap. So if she would like explanation/confrontation I will oblige......

Friday April 18, 2008

Open letter to JM.

You are correct it is a long story....one I am sure you would like to rehash...I find that unnecessary....but let me start by saying yes...I have said shit about you....as you have about me....just as you have people that have informed you of things you think I said I have heard things I think you said. However I have chosen to avoid it, avoid you, I have discussed it with those I am close to and let the rest go, because that's what I wanted you to do, go...from my life. You are too painful to have in it, the knife you gabbed into my back has been successfully twisted and broken off inside leaving deep scars.

I let it go when you called and attacked me on the phone for hours on end claiming all the while to have my best interests at heart. I let it go when you accused me of things I didn't do, I didn't even defend myself. I let it go when you criticized and judged me continuously. I let it go when you continued to slander me to people I had to work with all year. I sucked it up, I cried more times than I can count. I didn't confront you because I wanted you to go away, but you don't.

Instead you stalk my blog, up to 15-20 times a day. Just so you know youhide and unblockall don't hide you. Why do you feel it necessary to do that? My blog is not about you....my life and all I do are not about YOU! And as encouraging as the words of your anonymous comment recently were I find myself unable to post it as they feel hollow and contrite coming from you.

If you have feelings at all for me....leave me be.....so far you have, with the help of your friends, made my year close to unbearable, congratulations. You have made me uncomfortable doing things I loved....volunteering, bible study....it sucks!

So "get over it already"...sure, as soon as you stop feeling like you need to stalk my blog and making me feel bad for not being who you wanted me to be. Leave the acting innocent to the innocent!

If you have a reply I would be glad to post it, I am not ashamed of my dirty laundry but at least have the balls to put your name to it.

B.

Lost and Found....

2008-04-17T19:55:00.003-04:00

For all of those out there that care...the few, the proud.....sorry....after much searching I found a piece of me tonight, it had be missing for so long, it's nice to have it back....hoping to find more soon!

Random Quote Wednesday.....

2008-04-17T17:37:00.003-04:00

Alright....I know it's not Wednesday! I was busy yesterday volunteering and last night drinking....priorities you know!! So new for this week.....

"Most people learn by observation, and there are the few who learn by experimentation. And then there are those who actually TOUCH the fire to see if it's really hot." -Anonymous

What catergory do you fall in???? :)

Miles Between......

2008-04-15T16:16:00.005-04:00

I saw my aunt today at Bible study, yes people I said Bible study, that will be a discussion for a different day. See my aunt is 15 years older than my mom, the mom I haven't talked to in 12 years, so we were never very close, my grandmother is the one that pulled us all together. Anyways Grandma is no longer here and I am realizing just how much distance I am allowing to grow in my family. My aunt lives 10 minutes away from me, has for the last two years, she has been at my house twice....ever....and once was while Grandma was staying with her. So every few weeks at Bible study we go through this charade...."how are you?" "Good" " I know I feel bad too" "I really should call you" "we really should get together"......What is that?????????? She is my blood, I may hate her at times for still talking to my mom, but really why don't I have a desire to maintain a relationship with this woman....because right now I feel like that's all it is....a blood relation, not an emotional one. How is it I could be so close to my Grandma and so could she but the two of are SO distant? That is my question for the day.......

Just in case....

2008-04-10T11:34:00.003-04:00

Just in case anyone was wondering why I haven't been blogging I thought I would tell you.....I am busy, really freaking busy....I am not sure how this happened, this was supposed to be a slow time for me.....UGH! The other reason is......well my Grandma always told me if you can't say something nice don't say anything at all.....hmmm.....silence is golden, or so I am told!!

Have a drama free day!!

Eventually I will post SOMETHING else, until then....

2008-04-09T19:04:00.004-04:00

Another Random Quote Wednesday!!! I can't believe I can't get around to my freaking blog....I have been so stinking busy!!!

This last week I got to spend time with some friends that I don't see that often and really got me thinking about my closest friends that I love so dearly, thinking about the friendships that I know will last though it all, I can say that because they already have, the friends that at times I take for granted but give me a sense of peace when I am around them....I was thinking that for all the bitching and moaning I do about people I have some AMAZING people in my life....

"One measure of friendship consists not in the number of things friends can discuss, but in the number of things they need no longer mention." - Clifton Fadiman

"A friend is one who knows us, but loves us anyways" - Fr. Jerome Cummings

"A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out." - Walter Winchell

"Though our communication wanes at times of absence, I'm aware of a strength that emanates in the background." - Claudette Renner

"Silences make the real conversations between friends. Not the saying but the never needing to say is what counts." - Maragret Lee Runbeck

Random Quote Wednesday.....

2008-04-02T14:14:00.003-04:00

“Looking back you realize that a very special person passed briefly through your life- and it was you. It is not too late to find that person again.” - Robert Brault

I'm still searching....

Random...or not so random....Quotes

2008-03-26T22:16:00.007-04:00

I am having trouble with focusing enough to blog...so for today I will continue with my Random Quotes, or like I said before maybe not so random! Karen has given me much inspiration today as I almost forgot....thanks girlie, what would I do without you!

" To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment." - courtesty of Mr. Ralph Waldo Emerson

And this one is for my grandmother, who despite our differences was one of the most important people in my life...this is the first time in my life that she is not here on March 26th...her birthday...I miss her greatly and wish I could pick up the phone to call her just to hear her voice....instead I offer her this from afar......

"We cannot change the past, but we can change our attitude toward it. Uproot guilt and plant forgiveness. Tear out arrogance and seed humility. Exchange love for hate - thereby, making the present comfortable and the future promising." - thank you Ms. Maya Angelou

I know this is something she strived for in her life and something she hoped for me....I can only hope one day to be able to acheive it!

Movie Quote Meme Follow-Up

2008-03-21T11:52:00.002-04:00

Alright, apparently all my quotes were not as easy as I thought they were....I added new ones...there are four movies left people!!!! Go to it!!

Apparently it Takes Little to Make Me Happy....

2008-03-21T08:38:00.005-04:00

This morning I am like a kid on Christmas morning! I got my first international visitor...all the way from Canada!!!! Apparently from what I hear you don't really arrive until you get a hit from Singapore, but for now I am basking in my Canadian glory! Not that I don't love my Internet friends that come to visit me on a daily basis from the good old USA, especially the O-Town area! I do so enjoy my stalkers! But....Canada....it made me happy!

And since I am on the topic of visitors....for the person that googled "how does drama start?" and ended up on my page, at the time I came up as the second choice...thank you very much....for you, my confused visitor, please feel free to leave me a comment with any questions I am sure I could right a whole dissertation for you!

Just had to share my joy with all!

Happy Friday.....Oh and if I don't make it back HAPPY EASTER!

Random Quote Wednesday.....

2008-03-19T14:45:00.004-04:00

I enjoy random quotes....sometimes ones that aren't so random....I decided since everyone else has a day for everything I would make myself a Random Quote Wednesday, here we go.....

"Those who know do not speak. Those that speak do not know." _ Lao Tzu, The Tao

This one is courtesy of my hubby, all his martial arts wisdom! However, I have found this to be true over and over!

Just a little add on...well because....

Karma's a bitch...don't screw with her!

....okay, maybe not a random quote but SO true!......

Because I am bored...

2008-03-17T10:54:00.003-04:00

My friend Star tagged me for this Meme. She's the new kid on the block and I am currently wasting time since I am home yet again with a small sick child!

Name one thing you do every day:
Bitch and moan, hubby wouldn't know what to do without it!

Name 2 things you wish you could learn:
1. How to create a website...or rather how to write html
2. Another language...except apparently according to the people at UCF I have a learning disability in this area so that might be hard....no really people that's what they told me!

Name 3 things that remind you of your childhood:
1. Dale Hallow Lake in TN...spending my days tubing, sweet!
2. Jelly Sandals...did you see they are making a come back?!
3. Bad perms...don't ask!

Name 4 things you love to eat but rarely do:
1. CPK Roasted Peppers and Goat Cheese Pizza with Applewood Bacon, YUM!
2. Chocolate Eclairs...the ones I make, not the over sweeten crappy store bought ones :)
3. Moussaka, I made it last night and I now remember why I eat it rarely.
4. Tipsy Cake...made with lots of whiskey, Maker's Mark of course, Kentucky girl at heart.

Name 5 things/people that make you feel good:
1. My Hubby, because even when I am wrong he makes me feel like I was right
2. Miss Know It All because she is ME....it's funny to watch, although entirely frustrating
3. Miss Sassy because I know she is capable of so much and she is figuring it out too
4. Lil Miss Drama because of all her hugs and kisses, she still loves me unconditionally
5. My cousin, Ellen, it's amazing when she calls none of the Bull Shit around me really matters
6. (I know people I suck at rules) Phone calls to and drop bys at Karen's house....good to have someone to rely on and occasionally call you on your shit!

If you feel like telling us about yourself, tag you're it!

Movie Quote Meme

2008-03-15T16:32:00.019-04:00

Okay so Karen tagged me for this....sounded interesting enough, a good waste of my valuable time that should be spent doing the aforementioned piles of laundry.

Behold, the rules:

Pick fifteen(or sixteen if you are cool like me) of your favorite movies.

Go to IMDB and find a quote from each movie.

Post them on your blog for everyone to guess.

Fill in the film title once it's guessed.

This part is for the reader:

No Googling or using IMDB search functions. (Don't be Cheaty McCheater-Face! You can look up those words at Dictionary.com if you must)

Leave your answer(s) in the comments.

Here we go!

Alright people second quotes for those that were not guessed...these are not hard!!!!

1. Things have certainly changed around *here*. I remember when this was all farmland as far the eye could see. Old man Peabody owned all of this. He had this crazy idea about breeding pine trees. Back to the Future - Courtesy of Mr. Star via Mrs. Star

2. It's because I have these incredible boobs to fill it out!

Can you tell I'm wearing underwear? 'Cause I totally am.

3. The answer to the ultimate question of life, the universe, and everything is...42. Hitchiker's Guide to the Galaxy -Karen

4. I mean, not many girls in contemporary American society today would give their underwear to help a geek like me. Sixteen Candles - Tracy followed closely by Karen

5. Look, spaghetti arms. This is my dance space. This is your dance space. I don't go into yours, you don't go into mine. You gotta hold the frame. Dirty Dancing - again, Tracy followed closely by Karen

6. Ten years. Ten years, man, ten years!!! TEN YEARS!!!

They all have husbands and wives and children and houses and dogs, and, you know, they've all made themselves a part of something and they can talk about what they do. What am I gonna say? "I killed the president of Paraguay with a fork. How've you been?"

7. The only thing we serve here is tongue! You boys like tongue? The Goonies -Karen, finally!

8. Excuse me. Have you seen The Feminine Mystique ? I've lost my copy. 10 Things I Hate About You -Karen

9. Hey, look. "Esc-a-pay". I wonder what that means? That's funny, it's spelled just like the word "escape." Finding Nemo - Karen...it's about freaking time!!

10. Person1: What the hell am I looking at? When does this happen in the movie?
Person2: Now. You're looking at now sir. Everything that happens now, is happening now.
Person1: What happened to then?
Person2: We passed then.
Person1: When?
Person2: Just now. We're at now, now.
Person1: Go back to then!
Person2: When?
Person1: Now.
Person2: Now?
Person1: Now!
Person2: I can't.
Person1: Why?
Person2: We missed it.
Person1: When?
Person2: Just now.
Person1: When will then be now?
Person2: Soon.
Person1: How soon? Spaceballs -Karen, by the way, hubby is impressed

11. On a more personal note Beatrice, Edgar ran off with an old girlfriend, you're gonna go stay with your mom a couple nights then realize you're better off.

I go out, I work my butt off to make a living, all I want is to come home to a nice clean house with a nice fat steak on the table, but instead I get this. It looks like poison. Don't you take that away, I'm eating that, damn it. It is poison, isn't it? I swear to God I would not be surprised if it was, the way you skulk around here like a dog that's been hit too much or ain't been hit enough, I can't make up my mind. You're useless, Beatrice. The only thing that pulls its weight around here is my goddamn truck.

12. I'm disinclined to acquiesce to your request. Means "no".

Fortunately, I know how to counter it; the man who did the waking buys the man who was sleeping a drink; the man who was sleeping drinks it while listening to a proposition from the man who did the waking.

13. I have since heard of people under extreme duress speaking in strange tongues. I became conscious that a steady torrent of obscenities and swearing of all kinds was pouring out of me as I screamed. A Christmas Story - Karen

14. The intruders are leaving, but others will come. Sometimes we'll sense them. Other times, we won't. The Others - Karen, damn it, I need to quit talking to you about movies I love!! :)

15. Are you blind its a lonely tear drop! Cry Baby - Karen, I shouldn't have given you that hint :)

16. Depends on the topic. My fenders don't exactly whip me into a verbal frenzy! 10 Things I Hate About You - Karen....and yes, I did put two of these on here because I love the movie that much!

And go!

RIP Bob...

2008-03-15T11:28:00.000-04:00

So for Miss Sassy's 8th bday one of her friends bought her hermit crabs, yes, the mother did ask before buying them, apparently I was too doped up on crack, just an expression people, that day and said okay. Anyhow, I assumed the hermit crabs had a short lived life, shouldn't be a big deal, right? As Miss Sassy was busy looking at her new pets I was busy reading the outside of the box for their new home, apparently these nasty little creatures live up TEN years, are you freaking kidding me? The mother who bought these did not inform me of this, is it too late to give them back?...."Mommy, this one is Bob and this one is Melissa"...aw, hell, she gave them names already, they now belong to lucky old us, for up to ten years, meaning they will die right before she goes to college, somewhere God was laughing at me that day!

That was six months ago...honestly, the creatures don't bother me that much anymore because I never see them, they hide ALL the time. And really they make no noise compared to the squeaky wheel of the hamster cage, the crying of the two cats, the barking of the dog, the constant fan noise from the fish tank and the loud yelling for the three children, they really were becoming more and more likeable every day, as long as they stay in their cage!

Then yesterday morning the inevitable happened, we hear a very loud cry though our bedroom door at 7:20am, "BOB is dead"! Still very drowsy, hubby and myself look at one another, let the news set in for a moment, smiled a little more than we should, jumped out of bed to comfort Miss Sassy. We go to said cage, there are what appears to be pieces of Bob strewn about the cage, large claws, small shreds, it's not pretty. Hubby hands me the pieces, we put them in a cup. We then explain to Miss Sassy that one of two things may have happened, one there is NO water in their cage, possibly a problem, or two Melissa decided to rip apart and eat Bob, well we said it nicer. Miss Sassy swore she saw Bob still in his shell, just really hidden, we discounted this with a look of "I don't think so." She asked to leave his shell in the cage, sure, why not!

Miss Sassy was VERY upset, she is an animal lover, wants to be a vet, she took it hard, I emailed her teacher to let her know that Miss Sassy may have a hard day. Her teacher is an amazing woman, she pulled Miss Sassy aside and gave her lots of love, a stuffed animal and made her feel better, she herself is an animal lover and understood, unlike me, "it's a damn hermit crab!" Okay, maybe I wasn't that mean, but I was thinking it!

Miss Sassy came home from school, wanted to bury Bob, or what was left of him. I told her we would tomorrow, now today, I am great at putting things off! This morning as I was finishing writing the blog before this about cleaning (btw, I had planned on cleaning the crab cage yesterday while she was in school, never got to it), I hear another yell from the top of the stairs "Mommy, BOB is ALIVE!" What, you say? Needless to say, I go upstairs again, thinking Miss Sassy is now hallucinating. Except I'll be damned Bob's shell was moving! Oh, Melissa had to have just moved to Bob's shell, except she is in her shell too! WTH....Bob is alive, I can't find his claws, as he is hiding again, but he is alive. Obviously Miss Sassy is now ecstatic...."I told you he was still in his shell, you didn't listen to me." Damn, kid, when did she go and get so smart! So no burial for Bob, apparently we have another 9 years and 6 months together, oh the joys!!!

Did I mention....?

2008-03-15T09:45:00.000-04:00

Have I mentioned yet how much I despise laundry? Wait, let me add to that...have I mentioned yet how much I hate cleaning....anything? Don't get me wrong I love things to be clean...I just find myself incapable to making such things happen in my house unless of course a guest is coming over then there is the 24 hours straight of cleaning to make house presentable.

I blame this all on my mother, please note that I no longer speak to my mother for a variety of reasons, the main reason being she is CRAZY! But past being crazy she is OCD, when I was lived at home everything was meticulous...oh, don't think it's because she did it, oh no, the minute I turned 12 all cooking, cleaning, laundry, ironing and general household upkeep became my job, but really I am not spiteful about this I promise! Anyhow, everything had a place, knick knacks had a precise placement, chairs had to be lined exactly the "right" way, the towels had to be folded and lined up properly, because well you never know when someone might show up at our door and want to buy our house, wouldn't want the linen closet to look out of whack...btw, actual words out of my mother's mouth, just the tip of the iceberg for CRAZY!! I used to take great joy in walking through the living room moving knick knacks just a half an inch to watch her come through later and fix every last one....hell, that still makes me laugh!

Back to blaming my mother, see I figure after spending 18 years living in the repression that was my house I had two options when I moved out...continue to be OCD like her or let everything go to hell in a handbasket. Needless to say I chose the hell in a handbasket, which at first was not a big deal, only me in my apartment, cleaning was a snap when it needed to be done. Then hubby moved in, I acquired his laundry because see he was on Orientation Team, the people who show all the newbies at college around the campus, help them sign up of classes, etc. How could he be expected to handle his laundry, there was no free time...so good girlfriend, at the time, that I was I helped. Then came along Miss Know It All, why didn't anyone tell me that such small little creatures could create so much filth and clothing to wash! Then came Miss Sassy, or should I say Miss I Need to Change Clothes TEN Times a Day and Then I Will Throw Them on the Floor and Never Pick Them Up....UGH! Last we added Lil Miss Drama....she currently lives in dress up clothing, that she feels need to have a smattering of yogurt or pudding added to on a daily basis, and of course you can't put dress up in the dryer! Then there are all the toys that come with before mentioned children, I want to scream!! Oh yeah, not to mention the two cats and one very fluffy, furry dog. And you people wonder why I don't want to clean!!!

So now, back to the laundry, did I mention I hate laundry? I currently can't see my bathroom floor, the bottom of the stairs and the girls bathroom floor is disappearing fast. Yesterday I figured since I was stuck at home with a sick child again I would make use of the time and yes, DO laundry, BLAH!! So I did, got quite a few loads done, folded neatly, because see I do still believe in folding neatly, especially the towels because you never know when someone might need to look in my linen closet, not that they could open it past all the shit sitting in front of it, but really if they do manage to open it, it should look neat!

Anyhow, as I was sorting said laundry yesterday while talking on the phone to Karen I became VERY excited....the damn check card I lost last week was found, in a pair on tan capris that I wore 11 days before. Why do I know this, because also in those pants were two screws from the huge spiderweb prop that Miss Sassy's dance team uses that I helped take out of the prop truck on March 3rd! Yes, I know it's not right that those pants have sat dirty on the floor of my bathroom for 11 days, just don't ask what else is buried under them! Put it this way one year for his bday hubby asked for 20 pairs of new boxers....that should tell you way more information than you ever needed to know about me....and I will leave it at that!

I think...well, maybe....

2008-03-13T10:53:00.001-04:00

I suddenly find myself in a blogging mood...had one all ready to go and now I changed my mind...well, that has now become the point of this one. If my first name is DRAMA my middle name has to be INDECISIVE!!!

This is an affliction that has effected me for a long time, it is a large complaint of my husband's. Don't get me wrong I am great at the day to day stuff. I make the dinners choices, what the girls will wear to school (sometimes this is unsolicted..refer to "Did you...?" blog, you will understand why), etc. My problem lies in other areas....for example...restaurants....I just can't decide, unless I am really in the mood for CPK, then discussion is over! I figure I make the dinner choices all the time, I should get to bail on this one, this normally ends in a frustrating converstation in the car with a "fine, we will just go (fill in the blank with the restaurant we are currently closest to)." After 12 years one would think I would just learn to make the choice to avoid this scenario, however I am sure by the end of this weekend it will have taken place again.

Then come the real kind of indecisive issues....most of my friends know this about me....in certain aspects of my life I am waiting for the other shoe to drop. Primarily in regards to my house....UGH!!! See in the 12 years I have been with my hubby we have lived together in at least 9 places, no we are not a military family, my hubby has worked for the same company for 7 years and we have lived in our house for 5 years. This all sounds nice and stable...but because of our early years moving around I am always afraid of the next big move. So as a result we have lived in the same place for five years and I can't make a decision in the house without the internal conversation about how it would effect the resale value, or what happens when we decide to more. I have now put of getting a pool for four years...at this point I am going put the damn thing in and we WILL move!! See my husband gets this about me, it makes him insane though. Last summer he gave me an ultimatium build a pool or move to another house that has a pool, I guess he wants a pool. Well seeing as it is now March and not a single pool contractor has walked onto my property I guess I showed him! Except then he did the unexpected, he gave up....said for me to change everything else I wanted to in the house, damnit, now I want the freaking pool! Reverse Psychology, it's a bitch!

Maybe I will start calling around, get some quotes, maybe.....

Rebuilding....

2008-03-11T08:50:00.000-04:00

Too much of my time lately has been spent dealing with irritations that I have focused too much energy on, I have dwelt too long, let things seep too deeply into my veins, thought about things too much...considering it's all supposed to be irrelevant.

Today I am rebuilding walls....see I let my walls be torn down in the name of friendship, or so I thought. Have you ever met someone, knew that you weren't likely to be friends but then because of circumstances proceeded anyways? I did...not with nearly enough caution. And the problem is I have done it multiple times, every time ending with me kicking myself in the ass. Then there are the friendships where things were good and something went terribly awry. Those are the ones that hurt the most....the ones that you want to fix but sometimes just can't. And there is always the friendships that you desire but they have yet to come together. See, too much thought....

Anyhow, I proceeded, I let people in, I wish I could take it back. I don't trust easily and now that my trust has been squashed, stomped on, spit all over and handed back to me in a brown paper bag, I am pissed! Pissed at myself mainly, I let the walls be torn down, what was I thinking, that little pit in my stomach told me better, I wanted to be wrong. So today I find myself with a decision to make...continue to let it irritate me and eat away at my stomach or say FUCK IT, time to move on....I am choosing option #2. I am writing all this down as a affirmation to myself that I made a choice, picked a path, time to follow it. Be clear, I am writing this not to open a can of worms with anyone out there but rather I am closing it and burying the can....I am finished, too much of my life has been consumed by meaningless crap and worrying about what people that are not a part of my life think about me....done. Not to say that I won't get irritated, that is just part of my nature, but as of now it will not be part of who I am....it's just taking up too much space....space that is needed for the important things in life...like my family!

To be Honest....

2008-03-07T12:04:00.001-05:00

I am holding it together....by a thread.....it's been a long week, for that matter a long month. As much as I enjoy hiding behind all my snide comments and sarcasm I'm at breaking point today. I am tired of trying to be nice to people who hate me, I am tired of trying to right any wrong I may or may not have done, I tired of people talking shit behind my back, mostly I am tired of censoring myself on my own blog....I am done with it!

Take it for what it's worth people...I'm having a shitty day! Thanks for tuning in.

Flaws...

2008-03-05T22:47:00.000-05:00

I am a person of many flaws, I accept and embrace them most days. Today I am thinking about one flaw that I am not so proud of....I SUCK at maintaining friendships!

I am blessed to have friends that understand this about me for the most part and they are good with it, or at least pretend to be. I don't call, I don't email, I am ALWAYS late with presents...so one would ask...why be my friend? Well I am a loyal to a fault, I am there when truly needed and I really do love those close to me.

I bring this up because it was brought to my attention in two different forms this week. I will start with the one from today...I received a message on my myspace from a newer friend, one that I do enjoy, married to my best friend, who happens to be of the male gender. See she wrote me a month ago....I still haven't written back...yes, I know I should be doing that instead of writing this but that is the point. The response is one that requires time, energy and quiet...none of those things happen often in my house, they are truly rare moments. It's not that I don't want to write back, but this is a new friendship, I am not sure if I can make room for a new friendship right now...how do I say that? How do I tell someone that wants to be my friend that I can't keep up with the ones I have? This, this blog, is how I am currently doing that, if you want to know what is going on in my life...read my blog, how sad is it that I can only find time to talk to friends in mass now!

Second incident is a bit more telling....I have a friend, a VERY good friend, she lives 45 minutes away, I see her about 2-3 times a year. The last time I saw her was the first of December at her house. While there my child lost her shoes, yes, she has a huge house! Anyways, just before Christmas she found the shoes, left me a message telling me. I had every intention of calling her back, my intentions are always good. Needless to say I didn't. It is now the first of March...I look out my window, DHL truck, don't see them too much here, no doorbell, must not have been for me. Hubby went out an hour later, there was a package on my doorstep, I look at the sender, it was my friend, what could she have possibly sent me? It's like Christmas only late....aw, yes, that's right, THE SHOES.....no note, just the shoes, message received, I SUCK!!! And just as my life goes things only got funnier in the fact that the shoes no longer fit the small child that lost them!

It was my resolution this year to make more time for the people that matter, yet here it is March and I have spent more time dealing with irrelevant people and irrelevant circumstances, getting frustrated instead of relaxing with the ones that I truly want to spend my days with! As I have said before the first step is acknowledgement....where do I go from here? Perhaps off to write that letter and call my friend to let her know...shoes and message both received!

Oh....My Head Hurts....It Just....Hurts......

2008-03-05T15:35:00.000-05:00

Who knew?

2008-03-04T20:56:00.000-05:00

Today I am finding it hard to blog, normally I am blogging out of frustration, see that is the point of some blogs, mine in particular. Yesterday I had tons to blog about...tons, then my husband hijacked my computer, note that he has two in his office that work just fine, mine however was more convenient for his purposes. So now I find myself trying to refresh my memory!

We will start with my very LONG weekend. It was competition weekend again. I dreaded it all week, waiting for the drama to unfold as we arrived at the show. If you have read my blog at all you will know that part of my blog's point also is to answer the question that plagues me on a daily basis, how much drama do I create in my life and how much just appears, like a little leech, sucking me dry. I was prepared to be bloodless from the leech that would surely suck me dry at this event!

Guess what.....nothing, that's right folks, nothing!! It was fun, the kids did awesome! I remained drama free, minus pulling half of my daughter's hair out trying to put it in braided buns, I don't do well with hair under pressure, not my speciality! My hubby did drive home the 26', yes I did say 26 foot, prop truck, but that was his choosing, he was trying to be the nice guy and help out the team! Our director even won a cruise, yup, a cruise, because the kids danced so well, to his choreography of course, which is amazing!

We stayed with family which I figured for sure would cause some chaos, but again NOTHING! It was great, we all enjoyed each other, it was relaxing! Huh, go figure! Who knew I would actually start having fun at these things!!!

I guess it's like they say a watched pot never boils.....ah....but then hell, what am I suppose to complain about!!

Random thought....

2008-03-02T22:32:00.000-05:00

Blame. Blame is a strong word, before one starts throwing around such a word one should remember the saying...those that live in glass houses should beware of casting stones!

Just the random thought for the day!

Welcome back....

2008-02-29T18:53:00.000-05:00

Thanks for coming back....still good today....long weekend ahead...hope to have something new for you on Monday!

When does "crazy" start?

2008-02-28T09:00:00.000-05:00

Can a 3 year old be bipolar? I really need the answer to this!!!

I love my baby, I have a million times more patience for her than I ever did her sisters. I think part of that is knowing she is my last, I want to love on her all the time. But as the days go by I am starting to think she is just crazy!!

I mean really, I have a 10 year old, I know about moodiness, it is practiced regularly in my house, but this is different. Lil Miss Drama is a bit much. She is 3 1/2 years old, smart, loving and adorable, then for no reason two seconds later she is yelling at you for NO reason, I really mean NO reason!

Right now she is snuggled next to me quietly watching Backyardigans, two minutes ago, literally she was in full out meltdown mode because Ni Hao, Kai Lyn wasn't on. I understand little ones will do this, trust me, she is number 3, I get it. But it is like a switch inside her head, it's weird!!!

Now I admit, I have one of those switches too, but really at 3 I don't think so. Maybe she is just a primadonna...not that I blame her, she lives in the car driving from place to place, all about the big girls. Maybe she has earned the right to yell at us to assert herself!! Oh, the teen years are gonna be so fun, especially with since she will have two older sisters doing everything she can't!!

UGH....my head hurts thinking about it....

Welcome...

2008-02-26T19:11:00.000-05:00

Just in case you wanted to know....I am good today...thanks for asking!!

"Did you look in the mirror?"

2008-02-26T14:10:00.000-05:00

I need help!! I need advice!! Someone...anyone?

How do you teach a 10 year old girl fashion sense? I am not talking about off the runway fashion sense....I am talking you cannot wear two different plaids together fashion sense. Now I am definitely not a fashionista, I leave that to my 8 year old, sadly she made black fishnets and high boots look so cute I couldn't deny letting her go to school even knowing that every mother in the place was talking about what a terrible example I was setting. Anyways, back on topic...I love that my girls are unique individuals, but there is a difference between unique and just blatantly not getting it!!

I love my oldest, Miss Know It All, she is brilliant and beautiful and loves being the top of the class...do you see where this is going? I never want her to feel bad about herself but I know that once she gets to middle school dressing like that will get her on the short end of some really cruel jokes. I am at the end of my rope, maybe if she doesn't care I shouldn't care....well, it's a theory, just one I can't seem to embrace!

She doesn't like to shop, she only likes "comfortable" clothes, lives in her Converse (especially the ones that match nothing) and hates to style her hair.....really sounds like a dream huh? Except I am not ready to deal with the aftermath! I never wanted her to be that kids that HAD to have the name brand everything, I wanted her to be natural and self assured....oh hell, maybe I did too good of a job...now what??

Finally...

2008-02-25T23:48:00.000-05:00

Okay...so after much playing I got my blog to look at least something like I want it to!!! Needless to say I LOVE all things retro so this is making me happy! Hoping to blog tomorrow seeing as I have wasted all my time today on the layout! :)

SO cliche....

2008-02-21T18:25:00.000-05:00

Alright ladies and gentlemen, are you ready for it....."This is gonna hurt me worse than you". UGH!!! Yep, I said it, I am that mom!

I was very specific, I gave a list, I gave chances, I gave them time!! UGH!!! Why don't they listen? It seemed simple enough to me....get home, quick snack, do homework, clean rooms, then and only then you get to go to the skate party. Well I am sure you can see where this is going....

Home....check.

Snack....check.

Homework....check.

Cleaning rooms..."Oh, I forgot about that, I will do it now" (apparently webkinz, the bane of my existence, was more pressing)

WHY can't they listen? I want them to have fun, despite the fact that I wanted to be at the skating rink like I wanted a hole in my head seeing as I am sick. Well now it's time to stick to my guns, and if you know me as a mother you know that is not my strong suit!

Bawling ensued! Doors slammed! Loud grunts of discontent! All followed by the silence, the silence of two little girls trying desperately to clean their rooms in hopes that Mommy would once again change her mind.

Dinner was like watching a prisoner waiting to be sentenced, a prisoner with puffy red eyes. I want to cave, they did clean their rooms, I want to give in. Lucky for me my hubby can look right through them, no effect, it's at special talent he has developed, not sure if I am incapable of learning or just don't want to!

Let me just remind you that I am PTA President for my school, please trust me I say this not because it gives me any clout or any accolades but rather because it is a PTA event, I should be there! I am sick, yes, and I know it will be taken care of, but I still feel guilty. Thus this time I really do mean "This is gonna hurt me worse than you"!

So no skating tonight! Gotta go, need to get the "prisoners" ready to go to Hip Hop, the class they were gonna miss to go skating. I am sure this is adequate punishment!! ;)

I survived, barely....

2008-02-18T19:28:00.000-05:00

Okay, so the weekend is over....I have not really been home in about a week, I don't count sleeping. My house definetely shows it!

This weekend was my induction into the world of competitive dance...what a "special" world it is. My journey bagan with a trek to Lakeland. Miss Sassy and I arrived in Lakeland at 9pm, only to have to go to a different hotel to drop off lipstick to a mom that was incapable of following the makeup list that was given to us in AUGUST! I mean it's really not that difficult, read what you are supposed to buy, go to the store that was mentioned, find the right color, pay and go home!!! NOT complicated, yet here it is February, the night before competition and I am bringing the lipstick to her, what is wrong with this picture!!

We finally arrive at our hotel, get Miss Sassy to sleep, I then have to stay up to sew the freaking caramel tights that I was never able to find, as well as the necklace that the foremention mother decided to fix for the younger kids on the team. See it's not that I am not appreciative but really my 8 year old could have done a better job, it looked terrible, even hubby noticed, that's says ALOT! Finally off to sleep...

Up at 7am to go help unload the props truck that all the men loaded the night before. Except I got lost at the civic center and was never able to find to the big huge UHaul truck full of massive props. So I was up early for nothing, might as well watch some solos, see what the day will be like. Nothing could truly prepare me....

Off to get Miss Sassy ready for her first dance....hair needed to be up perfectly in braided buns, it's fun to make an 8 year old sit still while you pull and rip at their hair to make sure there is no possible way it will fall out or stray hairs roaming around. Next was makeup, always fun to put mascara on the small child! Even more fun is the eye liner, who's bright idea was THAT!

So Miss Sassy competes after much drama of getting ready, not our drama, the aforementioned mother's drama that somehow I became thrust into, imagine that....me involved in drama, much less drama that had nothing to do with me!!

She did very good, we were SO proud! Then came the awards, well as all the kiddies were on stage one of the older girls from the company came to me in the audience profusely apologizing and letting me know that Miss Sassy was afraid because....wait for it....the caramel tights that I spent days of my time on got "snagged" on her belt as Miss Sassy was on her back. Oh yeah, see this were the drama follows me, I didn't invite it to come along it just appeared! I told her not to worry and to let Miss Sassy know not to be concerned. All was well, until......let's just say that snag is a very subjective word, ruined would have been a better choice! Here comes the irony of the whole situation......I immediately called my local dance store, seems she had in some of the tights I was looking for except they were adult smalls, but lucky for me they were made in Taiwan, which meant they did not fit the adults they were meant to but however did fit my eight year old. Now tell me why these were not available a week ago when I went to this same store to have her make me tights for competition! I give up!!! It all happens for a reason, I just don't know what the hell that reason is. Perhaps I should just sit back, shut up and go along for the ride!

What the HELL is a Meme?????

2008-02-14T21:02:00.000-05:00

Alright so Karen tagged me for this meme. I have no idea what the hell a meme is but for the love of God here I am when I should be watching Supernatural with my husband on Valentine's Day filling it out....

The Four Things Meme

4 Jobs I have had:
Realtor Assistant
Secretary for Undergrad Admissions(there were some good times)
PTA President (don't laugh, it may no pay but the damn hours are the same!)
MOM (aka. everything to everyone)

4 places I've been:
Magic Kingdom
Epcot
MGM Studios (sorry my bad...Disney Hollywood Studios)
Animal Kingdom
....repeatedly :)

4 movies I've watched over and over:
10 Things I Hate About You
The Breakfast Club
Bed of Roses
Pretty in Pink

4 shows I watch:
currently....
Big Brother 9:Til Death Do Us Part
Lost
Supernatural
American Idol

4 places I'd rather be right now:
Disney Cruise Line..noticing a theme
Bald Head Island, NC
My pool in my backyard, that I have not yet had built
In a clean house

4 favorite things to eat:
Godiva Pumpkin Spice Truffles
Derby Pie
Chocolate Eclairs
California Pizza Kitchen Goat Cheese and Roasted Pepper Pizza with Applewood Bacon :)

4 places I've lived:
Louisville, KY
Venice, FL
Orlando, FL
Philadelphia, PA
Sarasota, FL (well, Lakewood Ranch)
Philadelpia, PA
Orlando, FL
Louisville, KY(well, temporarily)
Orlando, FL..oh I am sorry you only wanted four :)

4 Things I look forward to this year:
June 15th....it is gonna be a FABULOUS day!!!!!!
My 10th Anniversary
A Disney Cruise
Starting back to school

I would to hear what these four have to say: Yeah, well since I just started this gig I really don't know anyone to send it to so here it dies...sorry!

Bitter?

2008-02-09T10:49:00.001-05:00

Hmmm....it has been brought to my attention that I sound perhaps a bit bitter in my blogs...let the therapy session for the day begin.

Let me first note that this comment was made by a man, the same man that claims I needed social stability. Now I am not saying he is inaccurate, maybe he just doesn't yet get the point of my blog, maybe it's because he doesn't always get the way girls think, doesn't matter, the point is I want to clarify.

I love my life, I dislike certains things in my life that I have to deal with (ie. the DRAMA), now granted I brought most of those things upon myself. See I have great friends, the ones that really count at least. I love being a mom. I wake up everyday knowing that I may have not been the best mom the day before but my girls love me and I love them. I would walk to the moon for them if they asked, well...just as soon as they clean their rooms to show me they deserve it. :) A majority of my day, my life, revolves around their every need, even becoming PTA President was in part due to the fact that I want them to be proud of me. See I know that one day they are going to hate me, my 10 year old is well on her way, so for now I am trying to lay the groundwork for us to eventually come out in the end as great friends. If this means I have to drive to karate, gymnastics and dance, if this means I have to be a Girl Scout leader, PTA President, Dance Company Mom, so be it, it will all be worth it. I am lucky to have a husband that is supportive, well except when he voted against me as PTA President, the only one note you. He thinks I am crazy, but he loves me, I love him.

But life is full of crap, I define that crap as DRAMA. This is my little spot in the world where I can gripe about such crap, I am venting, it makes me feel better, hell, it's free freaking therapy. So am I frustrated that I bring drama into my own life continuously, yes, but bitter I am not.....just to clarify, in case you were wondering. :)

A moment of clarity...

2008-02-06T20:51:00.000-05:00

So today was mildly more productive despite catching a cold from my youngest. I wonder why they call it "catching a cold"? There is not catching involved, she didn't throw it to me, I gave her a kiss goodnight, hmm. Sorry, I digress.

I was thinking today about the newspaper from my senior year in which they declared I would sell my life story to Soap Opera Digest, in that newspaper was also our senior wills. Did any of your schools have these? We were an odd school, maybe it was just us. Anyhow, the gist was that senior lefts things, material and idological, to others, it was written in the school newspaper. So I am a dork and I still have mine. I went back and browsed through and was amused by some of the things left to me: happiness, antiseptic for life's little cuts and social stability. Well then...huh. What exactly does this say about ones' self? We like to think that we grow as individuals in the many years after high school (12 and counting), I am afraid that may not be the case for me. I pride myself on the fact that circumstances in my life have not changed me, I have not become someone I was not, I have not slipped into the dark abyss of changing to meet others needs, although I know I have come DAMN close. I am beginning to wonder if this is a good thing that I have clung so tightly to my sense of being.

Social stability, who would say something like that you ask, my best friend...and yes, still my best friend to this day, back to the clinging to things, not changing, apparently it's a theme. Again what does this say about me? The fact that the person closest to me felt that I was lacking in the ability to maintain social realtionships. Sadly he would probably say the same today. I told you before I am not a nice person, I am not mean, I just put up with very little, life is too short. I am blessed to not have to work, I get to stay home with my kids, and as one of my friends likes to say, yes I do have friends, "I do not get paid, I do not have to deal with any of you people." I don't think of this as a bad thing.

So now comes my moment of clarity.....I am okay with all of it, I question it some days - if the people that have it all together and have a million friends are doing the "right" thing. I just think it's right for them. Leave me with my snide comments and my sarcasm, I am happy here and I am good with it!

The first step...

2008-02-05T20:24:00.000-05:00

Today was....let's say...unproductive. Tuesday is the only day during the week that I don't have thirty things to do. I woke up feeling very motivated, there are plenty of things on my list that NEED to get done, but none sounded very entertaining today, so here we are...unproductive.

Perhaps it's because yesterday, Monday, was the longest day of the week for me, that added on top of the stress of my husband being out of town plus dance drama I felt like I deserved a day off. The current question on my mind is do I create the drama or does it find me?

Who knew that my eight year old being on a competive dance team could make me cry, I didn't?! See when you are on company they give you a list of things you need for competition, it's a long list. So I figured I had till February, no rush, buy a little at a time. HA! I should have known, I should have seen it coming. The hotels for competitions in June were booked in September, I should have gotten the hint, apparently I am slow. Here it is February 5th, first competition is 10 days away and I am still in search of some damn caramel stirrup tights that apparently the entire state of freaking FL is out of. I have resorted to looking for places in NJ for my husband hunt down while on his trip, because that sounds like so much more fun than going into the city and drinking with his friends. So far this week I have spent $60 to get four pairs of caramel conversion tights express mailed to me, because you see there is a difference in stirrup and conversion...they cannot be interchanged, nor are they to be confused with footed tights, caramel color of course. Do I seem frustrated? That would be because I have spent no less than 5 hours in search of these freaking tights that I need by Sunday, not to mention the shoes, also caramel, that are one size too big. This is for an eight year old in case you missed that. See I am new to company this year, I wondered early in the year why everyone kept asking me if I got my f**king tights/shoes/makeup. Damn nosey moms, worry about your own kids, not mine...except oh, maybe this is why they kept asking, who knew that dance could be so much drama...oh yeah, the seasoned moms!!! Well I am sure I will do my part next year and ask the new incoming moms 10 times if they have their tights/shoes/makeup, when they roll their eyes at me I will walk away with a little smirk knowing that come February they will have wished they listened...aw, next year!

To answer the question this time...do I create the drama or does it find me? Oh yeah, all on me, creator of my own demise! Admitance is the first step.

Let me explain.....

2008-02-05T18:32:00.000-05:00

In high school I was given the title of the person most likely to make her fortune selling her life story to Soap Opera Digest. See I have ALWAYS been surrounded by drama, it is drawn to me, or perhaps it is the other way around, I like to think it is somewhere in the middle. The fact that I have three little girls does not in any way help this situation. I blame it on my parents I was born into drama, I believe whole heartedly this is a nuture not nature thing!

On that note let me say that I am currently the PTA president at my daughters' elementary school, a girl scout leader, one daughter is on a karate demo team, another is on a dance team, no drama in any of those of course!! I do think that I have myself to blame for all of those!

I tell you all this because it will give you insight into my future rambling as I vent my frustrations. Unfortunately I have put myself in the position of having to be nice to people pretty much all the time, "shiny, happy, sparkly", the problem with that is I am not a nice person, I am a bitch, I make no apologies, my friends like to say I am "blunty honest", pertutally irritated" and "rough around the edges." Can't you tell they love me!!!

So I am not making apologies or excuses for my future blogs but rather informing you as the reader you may not like me, it's okay, because I probably wouldn't like you either! :)