Sometimes one is enough...

I was going to put out a whole slew of quotes on birthdays but I liked this one single quote so much better...a reminder of how I want to live my life.

And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. ~ Abraham Lincoln

I'll take the $7 bucket of popcorn please....

So today I went to the movies...it was a girl's day...took my older two shopping for school things...picked up the littlest one from her summer "camp" and headed to the local theater to see the latest American Girl movie, Kit Kitteridge. It has only been out of a few weeks but it already getting ready to be taken off the big screen...my friend and I couldn't figure out why but we thought we better pack up the girls and go before it's not an option to go.

I was happy when we got to the cashier I could finally use some of my coupons..."3 kids, 1 adult please"..."that will be $24"...with the coupon...umm...not that bad I guess...oh well...off we go to the concession stand...we casually brought in our drinks from the car however we did need popcorn..."$7 please"...damn...now I have been to the movies a few times this summer so not a huge shock but still annoying every time...oh well...off to the show.

Now that we have all five kids lined up the moms can sit down and relax. We knew the movie was about a little girl in the depression era but not much past that...well within the first 15 minutes we understood quite well. My friend leaned over..."didn't know this was going to be so depressing"...little ones are all watching intently. The movie had it's funny moments, it showed the strength and wit that we hope all our little girls grow up with, but all in all it was sad. We suddenly understood why this movie had not done well...it is a reminder of where America once was and how close we are again. The was a huge smack of reality right in the face.

While I loved the movie...I loved the characters, the plot...really it was very cute...I spent almost half the movie welled up or crying. The house foreclosures, people spending beyond their means, the father's losing jobs, the animals that must be given away as no one can afford to care for them and the look on the children's eyes that are just innocents in it all taking it in stride. OUCH! It was all a little to close for me and I am currently in no danger of those things happening to me so I can imagine for anyone who is it might be a bit much to take during a kids movie. My friend and I get why it will now be exiting the theater regardless of the fact that it really is a decent film.

All I thought about as I left was I just spent $7 on a bucket of popcorn that is half eaten...freaking popcorn! I just spent $24 on tickets like it was nothing...I am such an ass! My friend and I are both lucky....our hubbies are GREAT providers, neither of us really worries for much and our kids have never wanted for much of anything...how quickly it could all be taken away. My kids took away the lesson too, there were many questions on the way home, I tried not to dwell on all the negatives of things that could happen to us but rather the idea that we should be thankful for what we do have and maybe sometimes we need to remember how blessed we truly are. I know I have gone all sappy today but like I said it really was a smack of reality. I know one too many people that are rearranging their lives currently because of the economy and it scares the crap out of me!

I think I need to remind myself and my family every day how thankful we should really be....

Be thankful for what you have; you'll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don't have, you will never, ever have enough. ~ Oprah Winfrey

Blessed are those that can give without remembering and receive without forgetting. ~Author Unknown

Be Thankful

Be thankful that you don't already have everything you desire,

If you did, what would there be to look forward to?

Be thankful when you don't know something

For it gives you the opportunity to learn.

Be thankful for the difficult times.

During those times you grow.

Be thankful for your limitations

Because they give you opportunities for improvement.

Be thankful for each new challenge

Because it will build your strength and character.

Be thankful for your mistakes

They will teach you valuable lessons.

Be thankful when you're tired and weary

Because it means you've made a difference.

It is easy to be thankful for the good things.

A life of rich fulfillment comes to those who are also thankful for the setbacks.

GRATITUDE can turn a negative into a positive.

Find a way to be thankful for your troubles and they can become your blessings.

~ Author Unknown ~

Don't mess with the family!!

I am faced with a dilemma...I have spent most of the summer in a very good place, happy to have walked away from my PTA year. I had told myself I didn't want to discuss it anymore...let the drama fall away...if they wanted to continue to trash talk me fine, I can't change that...take the high road...let me tell you people that is SO much harder than it sounds!!!

That was all until now....now I am willing to get down into the nitty gritty...I have been pushed too far...I know people may be disappointed in me after this blog but this time around things went too far!

Again, as usual I created my own drama, I need to take ownership...so yeah, I made a stupid choice, my curiousity got the better of me....UGH...I hate it when that happens!! So I went to a friend's blog, saw a comment from one of the ladies that decided to make my life uncomfortable this year and dammnit I clicked over to her site...I know, I know!!!! Anyhow, she had written a blog about how her becoming President has not been as bad as she thought since the psycho moms(that would be me) are now gone and now that I am not there to put "a monkey wrench" in her plans things are going better. I am glad, I don't want the PTA to fail, it was faultering under my leadership because I could not be effective, it is hard to be effective when the people that say they are willing to help are busy talking smack about you and making you feel uncomfortable in the very school you are suppose to be PTA President of. I am sure she is doing a great job, I have never questioned her work ethic, she will get it done...she may steamroll anyone in her path but it WILL all get done. So then I made another mistake I went into her comments....saw one that appeared at first glance to be very benign, talking about how comfortable she was making everyone feel...then I noticed (and I am paraphrasing here people...I had no desire to go back to her blog to capture the exact wording, lesson learned) this person, Paris was her name...I know her as Jen, said "it is hard cleaning up after someone else's trash"...okay, so now I am a bit irritated...not shocked...I know they don't like me...it's okay. So now mistake #3...I clicked over to her blog, didn't know she had one, didn't really care, but when you know they are talking crap about you it is hard not to look...damnit I really need to practice self control!! Here is where the fun really began...she had two blog entries...and lucky me the second one was all about little ol' me, well I had to share the limelight with hubby...I am going to copy and paste that blog here cause it no longer exists and I feel like it should so here we go...

Jul 2, 2008
My new challenge!

I started this whole world of blogging because I had a friend that started and I was reading her blog. Then, I wanted to comment so I created my own profile. I also started to share my secret obsession with purses!!!! Unfortunately, I haven't been very good at keep my blogs up to date. I usually read other blogs and truly have no interest in blogging for myself. I read mostly from work. I do have a full-time job and don't have much extra time to engage in this. By the time I'm reading to go on-line from home I am checking email and answering things I must get back to. I am also going to be serving on the PTA board at my child's school. At first I was very hesitant given the antics that went on last year. The President was not a nice woman and cut me down with every chance she had. Every time I had an idea she would shoot it down or make a statement that would let me feel that my efforts were totally unappreciated. So, when my friend asked if I would serve on the board everything in me thought no way but, when I realized the old President would be gone I certainly knew things would change. It's amazing how one person can really change the course of a PTA. I feel very badly for some of the moms who got caught in her path of destruction. They are very good and godly women who didn't deserve a lot of what was thrown their way. I do pity the woman. She has a lot of problems. From what I hear she has a crazy husband. I'm sure that doesn't help. I guess I feel safe blogging here about my horrible PTA experience because I don't think the crazy PTA President will be reading my blog. Anyway, even if she did, she'll finally know how I feel about last year.

When I think about my husband and how he supports me I do feel sorry for the women that have crazy husbands that only create more turmoil in their lives. Even if I am doing something wrong my husband would quietly point it out but would never attack anyone from our child's school verbally. If someone did something to hurt me he would also be hurt but would never ever disrespect another woman. Respect is a crucial part of society. If we didn't respect one another then we'd live in chaos. I think of women I respect, I think of my friend Jackie from school. Even with all of the crap thrown her way she never spoke poorly of this crazy lady. She always said, "you've just got to let it go". I could tell in her voice and eyes that she was deeply hurt by this woman but I never heard her speak poorly of anyone. I respect that about her because I know she went through the ringer and certainly had a reason to talk about it. I also think of my friend Mary, she was the recipient of the disrespectful husband. She also kept her cool and never spoke poorly of that couple in my presence. This is why I decided to be more active this year. There are morally good women at our school and I am honored to serve with them. I know they will never speak poorly of me and would never run their mouths about other people.

Time to talk about purses for a minute. I just got a Gucci backpack/purse. I couldn't find a picture of it online so I couldn't post anything. If I find time to take a picture I'll post it later. Gucci made these purses in the early 90's. I got mine in mint condition. It also had matching shoes! O.K., I know you think I am crazy but this is a huge conquest for me.

Anyway, wish me luck in my new PTA endeavor this coming year. Please pray for all of the parents that will be serving. I especially feel blessed to be part of something that will be a wonderful part of our school. Thank you Jackie for your support and for always, always being so kind. You are truly a good person.

Too far, lady...too freaking far...you can trash talk me all day, after a year of it my skin has gotten pretty damn thick...but you go after my hubby...it's on...at first I was so angry I was seething...that then turned into being upset, because my hubby didn't deserve this, this woman has NEVER met him much less had a conversation with him. Yes I know that shows who she really is but I was so afraid of him seeing it, I don't want him to be hurt by anyone...I suck at lying to him, he was gonna see it all over my face...I deliberated, how could I hide the anger...it had been gone for months...UGH!! Well as I assumed I couldn't hide it...after twenty questions I finally gave in and told him what was bothering me...he then informed me this time around it was not my battle to fight...this was about him...he was a "big boy" and would take care of it...unlike me he was more than willing to stand up and tell them exactly what they were....so he responded...his response made me laugh...I am sure they will think it is childish in parts...honestly it is just his sarcasm and I wouldn't ask him to change that...I am going to post his response because it never saw the light of the internet....

Wow. So your one of those Mom's! The one who hears things from another person, and passes judgment on other people without actually knowing or speaking to them. The kind that acts so recklessly to not find out the truth and look at things from an objective point of view, but rather believe what people tell you as the truth. That makes you ignorant. Well, regardless of your "feelings" for my wife, I will fight the fact that your making statements about me that are simply not true, so those I will address them.

But before we get into the whole commenting thing, let’s start by quoting the word Judgement... I think the Bible is appropriate!

“Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you (Matthew 7:12).”

So since you judge me, I am now judging you. I am not a perfect man, as my wife can tell you, should you ever choose to ask her. And I never claim to be. So please don’t be naive to think that I am crazy and do not support my wife because that is just nonsense!

This crazy husband spent night and day explaining to my wife about why people, such as yourself, feel it necessary to hear one thing and grapevine it into another thing. This crazy husband sat back and watched as people who were her friends on the PTA would call and trash her for hours about not trusting the Treasurer of the PTA, only to find out that when she would not sway her opinion about him, they turn to him and say that she was saying nasty things about him. Yes, I was present for the entire conversation that took place. This crazy husband who had her wife record PTA meetings so I can see firsthand the she was being mistreated. This crazy husband who literally held his wife for hours day after day comforting her because YOU people made her feel like she was a child. This crazy husband who did his best to ensure she did not quit because she didn’t do anything wrong, even though EVERYONE else wanted her to. This crazy husband who literally had to create a method to stop people from "stalking" her blog more than 15 times a day, and leave anonymous comments when she knew exactly who it was, and all she wanted was to move on. (now that is crazy!!) This crazy husband who every step of the way wanted her to fight back with every ounce of her being, only to find out the reasons she really didn't want to fight was because she was representing the PTA and didn’t feel it appropriate. And now this crazy husband who is enraged because you feel its necessary to pass judgment on another person without really getting to know them.

Well, its only fair to actually state the conversation that Mary (or lets be real here.. Maryam) actually had. By the way, I actually emailed this conversation directly to another Board member because, as expected, she twisted it into something else. This conversation occurred after several days of hourly trash talking about the current Treasurer and about how he was not trustworthy, which I witnessed.

Lets further preface the conversation, by stating Maryam had originally called my wife’s cell phone, which I answered and when she asked to speak to my wife, I went to hand the phone to her and the cell phone literally cutoff. Whether you choose to believe that or not.. I really don’t care, but here is the conversation that ensued when she called our house immediately thereafter… you know the one where I was apparently verbally assaulting her:

> .. Does "Drama" not want to speak today.
>
> .. Its not a matter of her not wanting to speak, its that I don't want you speaking to her.
>
> .. Can you relay a message for me.
>
> .. No. If you would like to tell her something, you send her an
> email.. I am not gonna get caught up in the he said, she said relay
> crap. I just won't do it.

So as you can see, if I wanted to verbally assault her, I would not have been so short. I was protecting (SUPPORTING to the le person) her from you people. Lay off the recreational pharmaceutical usage…seriously!!! And another point of clarification on this would be to Maryam…. I never stated that “you were not allowed to call my house”, like you stated at the PTA meeting that I had my wife record. Don’t throw out more lies about me, because you know that the conversation above is our conversation. And I know you won’t comment on it because you know that will mean that you show all the people around you that you are in fact did not tell the truth.

Could I have been more tactful.. Yes. But woman like you don’t understand tact. You understand straight forward statements.. and then you disregard that person for saying it and then spread lies and rumors that just aren’t true.. Like I said before.. your one of those Mom’s. But then think about this too, why wouldn’t I let her speak to her and then asked her to send her an email.. simply because not a darn word that comes out of your mouth can be trusted. Good and Godly woman.. they got you snowed sweets!! I think you will fit in just perfect. The idea of being Godly is to make yourself and others around better. Your blog is anything but Godly.

So why didn’t’ I get involved when she was being attacked.. Because its not my business to handle her fights. She is a grown up woman and can handle her own arguments. If it were up to me, this crazy husband, I would have confronted you people back in November, when this conversation took place between Maryam and myself. I reached my point there where you people were not gonna continue this anymore. Its just like this Blog, your problem is with my wife, has nothing to do with me, and if Maryam has an issue with me, then let her deal with me. I am game for an open discussion. But there was no need for you to be involved because it doesn’t involve you… DOES IT. She’s a grown woman, and the real reason she hasn’t confronted me about it, is because she and all the other woman who never confronted my wife about this whole situation, KNOW they are just as wrong as my wife! That right, she is not right in this whole thing either. But that is moot! Your all a bunch of children, that have nothing better to do with your lives except talk about other woman, and now husbands. And what is it all about.. crap.. that’s it, just crap. Don’t you have anything better to do with your spare time, such as spending time with your kids. Life is what happens when your making other plans. So if your spending all this time writing pointless crap about me, then you obviously have no life.. so in that respect.. I pity YOU!! Its time for you woman to grow up and live your own life and stop worrying about other people.

So now the question comes, will you allow my voice to be heard, or will you treat it just like the others, talk more trash about me behind my back, not let people know the real truth. I don’t think you will post it. But why do I say that.. because you know that I am not crazy and your starting to think that maybe the people who are yapping in your ear are not actually telling the whole truth. They are telling you what they want you to hear so you will be their friend, because if you ask them.. they don’t really have any true friends.

.. And I can only offer you this word of advice, the first chance they get to crap on you… THEY WILL!! Get out while you can… seriously.


Sincerely,
M, the crazy husband.


.. and I want them to read this, and I want you to show it to as many people as possible, because “the truth will set you free (John 8:32)!!


Ps. Gucci purses/backpacks suck!!

So why am I putting all this out here...because just as hubby suggested would happen she didn't let a soul see his response, at least not out in the open, she took it down...she actually deleted her entire blog...while I find it really amusing and should just let it go I feel like my hubby should have a chance to have his voice heard.

I did alot of things wrong throughout the year...things that I would take back if I could...I most definitely put my faith into the hands of people that were undeserving of it...that is hard for me to admit because I was warned, I saw the signs and I wanted so badly to make certain people happy I hurt others. I tried to take ownership when I was wrong, I am sure I missed some along the way, don't feel that I think I have no blame in my year going badly..however it is difficult to make your apology meaningful when another person comes behind you and continues to tell half truths at best...it's kind of like what "Dr. Evil" Will from Big Brother knew...it's the last person that talks to someone that makes the bigger impression. I am sorry for some of my actions and to be fair one of the ladies involved in my drama did apologize to me at the end of the year...I am still having a hard time feeling that it was heartfelt but I guess I have to give her credit for making the effort to address me...funny enough she is the lady that hubby apparently verbally assaulted! I let people get in my head and then when they flipped it and turned on me because I wouldn't let them anymore I went into a shell...that is the one thing I wish I had done differently this year it's so unlike me, I felt powerless to stop it. The sad part is these women do snow people because I think they honestly believe everything they do is right and for the most part they try to be helpful...unfortunately that helpfulness is on their terms.

What is boils down to is I have let them continue to slander and abuse me...I allowed that to happen...I shouldn't have but I did...however my family, my husband did not and he is not fair game for you to tell lies about...that is where I draw the line...yes he is a big boy and yes he responded and yes he knows I am posting this because he too feels that his voice should get a chance to be heard. Just to be clear...my hubby is the furthest thing from unsupportive...he is the reason I made it though the past year...these ladies spent most of the year twisting every word that came out of my mouth...this is one time when I will not allow that to happen! And if anyone out there has something to say please feel free...I am not so much about the censoring...

I want to thank you, thank you...

I had a whole quote blog written in my head for Wednesday all about miscommunication...for some reason I just couldn't get it out...that seems to be happening to me alot lately...great blogs in my head that never quite make it to the computer. Anyhow I realized this time around it was because I really wanted to use a different topic...gratitude. I realized it when I read my friend Karen's blog about her recent turn of events in her house...the economy is turning to crap, we are at war, people are just downright crabby...but in the great scheme of things I am and should be grateful...grateful for my life, my family, the love of my hubby...and for those that know me this is saying alot...most of my life I was dealt a crappy hand...but I am grateful for every day of it....so, yeah, gratitude.

Let us rise up and be thankful, for if we didn't learn a lot today, at least we learned a little, and if we didn't learn a little, at least we didn't get sick, and if we got sick, at least we didn't die; so, let us all be thankful. ~ Buddha

The hardest arithmetic to master is that which enables us to count our blessings. ~ Eric Hoffer

As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them. ~ John F. Kennedy

Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos into order, confusion into clarity.... It turns problems into gifts, failures into success, the unexpected into perfect timing, and mistakes into important events. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today and creates a vision for tomorrow.
~ Melodie Beattie

Gratitude is one of the least articulate of the emotions, especially when it is deep. ~ Felix Frankfurter

...and this one!!!

Okay...I know! Makes me want to bounce...great club song!! Have to say saw her on So You Think You Can Dance last night...she stinks live...still love the song...loved even better the conversation that ensued as a result of the song with my 10 and 8 year old girls!! Good times!!!

Loving this song...

Not sure why but I am loving this song...makes me want to dance!

Drowning in the Depths....

"Live exclusively on the surface and you will surely drown in the depths"

That quote was from my page in my senior yearbook...every ounce of me still feels it to be true however the more I dive into the deep the more I wonder if it would be easier to just be gliding along the surface! I look at the people around me living only on the surface and I wonder why they appear so happy and contented...perhaps it is just a facade...perhaps they are too afraid to dive below into the depths...fear that what they might find they may not like.

I have always lived below in the depths it is a comfortable place for me...I may not be the sweetest or the funniest person you will meet but I am real. The few times in my life I have attempted to live on the surface it felt incredibly fake and contrived. I suppose there will always will times in life we need to put on a mask but I can't imagine having to keep it on for my whole life!

The mark of your ignorance is the depth of your belief in injustice and tragedy. What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the master calls a butterfly. ~ Richard Bach

It is easier to perceive error than to find truth, for the former lies on the surface and is easily seen, while the latter lies in the depth, where few are willing to search for it.

~ Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

We've all got problems!

We do not have to visit a madhouse to find disordered minds; our planet is the mental institution of the universe. ~ Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Well...now you know!!!

Apparently I have nothing better to do!!!!!!!!!!!

You Are 80% Cynical

You're a full blown cynic... and probably even skeptical of these results. You have your optimistic moments, but most likely you keep them to yourself.

What Your Taste in Music Says About You

Your musical tastes are intense and rebellious. You are intelligent... but in a very unconventional way. You are curious about the world. You love doing something new. In fact, you enjoy taking risks and doing things most people would shy away from. You are very physical. It's likely that you're athletic, but not into team sports. You have the soul of an artist. Beauty and harmony are important to you.

What Does Your Taste in Music Say About You?

You Are Rock

Powerful and overbearing, you intimidate people with your presence. People know they can't push you around, and they respect that. Deep down, you are calm, confident, and unmovable. You take everything pretty seriously, and you think deeply about all aspects of your life. You tend to feel smothered by paper people. You don't mind crushing the spirit of a scissors person. When you fight, you: Use all of your strength If someone makes you mad: You're likely to throw something at them

Are You Rock, Paper, or Scissors?

Your Family Is 87% Dysfunctional

Your family is more than a little nuts. And you definitely should think about moving on. This doesn't mean you need to completely cut your family out of your life... But it does mean you need to create a healthy support system of your own. One that doesn't involve your family. Even if you've already made a clean break from your past, it still may be haunting you. Checking in with a therapist from time to time is probably a good idea.

Is Your Family Dysfunctional?

You Are Agnostic

God? Religion? Maybe... you're just not sure. You're still figuring out your spiritual path... or figuring out you really don't care. You believe that no one really can know the true story about religion or God. So you might as well relax a little. You'll go crazy trying make sense of it all.

Are You an Atheist, Agnostic or a Believer?

You Are 55% Bitchy

Generally, you're an average woman, with average moods. But sometimes... well, watch out! Sometimes, you let your mean side get the better of you. And you enjoy every minute of it.

How Bitchy Are You?

Your Mind is 76% Cluttered

Your mind is quite cluttered. And like most clutter, it's a bunch of crap you don't need. Try writing down your worst problems and fears. And then put them out of your mind for a while.

How Cluttered is Your Mind?

You Are 78% Tortured Genius

You are smart. Brilliant in fact. And while it's a blessing, it's also a curse. Your head is filled with everything - grand ideas, insufferable worries, and a good deal of angst.

Are You a Tortured Genius?

You Are 76% Bipolar

You're more than moody - you're a bit unstable. If your mood swings are effecting your life, you may need to seek help.

Are You Bipolar?

You're Totally Sarcastic

You sarcastic? Never! You're as sweet as a baby bunny. Seriously, though, you have a sharp tongue - and you aren't afraid to use it. And if people are too wimpy to deal with your attitutde, then too bad. So sad.

How Sarcastic Are You?

Your Personality is Somewhat Rare (ISTP)

Your personality type is reserved, methodical, spirited, and intense. Only about 6% of all people have your personality, including 3% of all women and 8% of all men You are Introverted, Sensing, Thinking, and Perceiving.

How Rare Is Your Personality?

You Are An ISTP

The Mechanic You are calm and collected, even in the most difficult of situations. A person of action and self-direction, you love being independent. To outsiders you seem impulsive, surprising, and unpredictable. You are good at understanding how all things work, except for people. In love, you tend to be very easy going and flexible. The only thing you can't stand for is someone trying to change you or your life. At work, you can stay completely calm under pressure. You handle stress well. You would make an excellent pilot, forensic pathologist, or athlete. How you see yourself: Logical, flexible, and unconventional When other people don't get you, they see you as: Indecisive, flippant, and disrespctful

What's Your Personality Type?

Well I guess that is me in a nutshell...aren't you glad you asked!!!!

Confessions of a Drama Queen

It has been a long week and a half or so....went to Miss Sassy's dance nationals....great time...just LONG!!! Left with drama from one friend came home to drama with another....when does it end...I love them but I think something about me just screams..."not enough going on here....need some drama"...blah!!! Anyways...long week!

So I am sitting here again on a Wednesday debating what my topic should be for quotes this week.....since my time seems to be filled drama maybe we will focus on that!!!

To see your drama clearly is to be liberated from it. ~ Ken S. Keyes Jr.

Children seldom have a proper sense of their own tragedy, discounting and keeping hidden the true horrors of their short lives, humbly imagining real calamity to be some prestigious drama of the grown-up world. ~ Shirley Hazzard

There was never yet an uninteresting life. Such a thing is an impossibility. Inside of the dullest exterior there is a drama, a comedy, and a tragedy. ~ Mark Twain

Drama is based on the Mistake. I think someone is my friend when he really is my enemy, that I am free to marry a woman when in fact she is my mother, that this person is a chambermaid when it is a young nobleman in disguise, that this well-dressed young man is rich when he is really a penniless adventurer, or that if I do this such and such a result will follow when in fact it results in something very different. All good drama has two movements, first the making of the mistake, then the discovery that it was a mistake. ~ W. H. Auden

A little rudeness and disrespect can elevate a meaningless interaction to a battle of wills and add drama to an otherwise dull day. ~ Bill Watterson

People don’t want their lives fixed. Nobody wants their problems solved. Their dramas. Their distractions. Their stories resolved. Their messes cleaned up. Because what would they have left? Just the big scary unknown. ~ Chuck Palahniuk

Maybe that's the problem....sometimes the worst known situation is still better than the possibly the best unknown!!!