Monday, June 23, 2008

Been here so long I'm starting to prune!!!

So my dear friend Karen put up a small list the other day of men that she finds me to thinking about my list. See my hubby and I were watching Friends years ago, Ross had a list of women that if he ever got the opportunity would be okay for him to know....even though he was in a realtionship. Anyways...I have a that make me happy....hubby thought he would be funny...his list includes the lady that works around the corner at the grocery store...apparently I didn't specify that it had to be famous people....smartass.....

So here is my list....

Heath matter what he will always top my list...I cried for days when he died...Karen actually called me and told me to sit down before giving me the news....yes...I know I am a freak!

Bono, Paul Hewson, nothing can put me in the mood better than a U2 song...unfortunately my hubby knows this and tends to use it to his advantage! Who doesn't love an Irish boy! That was one of my requirements for the man I least a little bit of Irish in 'em!

Colin Farrell...yes, I love the "bad boys"...I know some of you don't get it...and again...he is Irish!
Hugh Jackman.....he is just yummy! Who does love a bad ass sensitive man!

Johnny Depp...this is probably my longest crush...God, I loved 21 Jump Street! He has only gotten better with age...did you see him at the MTV Awards...I think just maybe I got a little too happy when he came on stage!
John Cusack...what is not to like...he is a genius on camera...good looking to boot!

Ryan Reynolds...he IS the reason I watched Two Guys, A Girl and A Pizza Parlor...he solidify it for me with the remake of Amityville....OMG!!!!!!!!!

Keanu Reeves...I know this is not a popular choice...he is a little bit of everything I love about my hubby...that's enough for me!

So I am adding some new faces to my list here lately...

Shia LaBeouf...yes, I know he is way too young for me...hell I saw him on the Disney Channel...I don't care he is over 18 and gorgeous...and a BRILLIANT actor...can't wait to see more of him!

Milo Ventimiglia....I am jumping on the bandwagon here...that video he is in with's just not don't leave a man that looks like that...yes... most of the tattoos are fake...but really I would be good even if they weren't!

Joseph Gordon-Levitt... he is such a great actor...seems to march to his own drummer which I love!

Wow...we seriously are now basking down in the shallow end of the pool as Karen would say!! Anyhow I am realizing by looking back at my "list" I most definitely have a "type"...thank God my hubby is tall with brown hair and brown eyes...a little bit funny and a little bit serious...I guess I chose well!!

Who makes you happy?

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end....

So after a few weeks absence I thought I should pick back up with my weekly quote blogs...this week....closure. Seeing as I just put some closure to a large part of my life I thought this would be apropos. I found my light, it is getting brighter by the day...see my reign as "that" PTA mom, the PTA President, is over...after a long struggle to get out!!! It was a long complicated year, I expected to want to vent about it over the weekend as that was when my term ended, but instead I found that I am good to let it go, let it sink to the bottom of the abyss with a large block wrapped around it. It was a hurtful year as you may have already gathered, I was disappointed in the humanity of people, I wanted to like women again and have some faith...instead I was lambasted by those I thought were my friends. So now I am chalking up to a HUGE learning experience, I will be better for it, more appreciative of my time and those around me that I love. See there can always be an upside...sometimes you just have to hunt it out......

What we call the beginning is often the end. And to make an end is to make a beginning. The end is where we start from. ~ T.S. Eliot

A sad thing in life is that sometimes you meet someone who means a lot to you only to find out in the end that it was never bound to be and you just have to let go. ~ Unknown

Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in, forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day, you shall begin it well and serenely. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

There is something beautiful about all scars of whatever nature. A scar means the hurt is over, the wound is closed and healed, done with. ~ Harry Crews

Always look to the good stuff in your life, otherwise you're wasting what time you're given here sulking about the crap that in the end won't be anything to you. ~ Unknown

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Didn't make it back to base quick enough!!

Alright, so Karen tagged me....I think she just wants me to get off my lazy ass and blog! :)

Here's the deal. Think back on the last 15 years of your life. What would you tell someone that you hadn't seen or talked to for 15 years? How would you sum up your life?

You get 10 bullet points. A list of 10 things to summarize you. At the end of your list, tag 5 more people and send on the love.

Hmmm....15 years ago I was 16 years old....this should be interesting!

*I graduated from Pine View School for the Gifted, cause I am special that way! After which I was accepted to UCF...was introduced to a group fraternity boys....lived, ate and slept with them....mind out of the gutter people....only "slept" with one....they became like a big dysfunctional family to me....that my friends is where I met my hubby...

*Left home...offically....told my stepfather to go *F* himself...with one quick blow any relationship with my "parents" was done...that my friends is a LONG story for another day.

*Flunked out of UCF....twice....all that "giftedness" in me!

*Started working in the Admissions Office of UCF...yes, I see the irony....the larger irony is they wanted to pay for me to go back to school to become a admissions officer.....God has a funny sense of humor!

*I got pregnant, by my then boyfriend, we didn't want to get married, mainly because everyone wanted us to, rebellion, gotta love it! Had a beautiful little girl that now rolls her eyes at me on a daily basis....Little Miss Know It All!

*Boyfriend graduated college, we got married, went on a honeymoon and moved to Pennsylvania...all in one week in May 1998!

*Decided when Little Miss Know It All was 15 months old "we" wanted another one...apparently my house was laced in crack and I was unaware....I stopped the pill and two weeks later....two lines, people, two lines...we didn't want one that quick, yet nine months later Miss Sassy joined us.

*At 7 months pregnant we moved back to Florida, back to my hometown, where my mother that I still did not talk to lived, good times, good times.....

* We bought our first real house....then we sold it after a year...we moved back to Pennsylvania, I think I cried silently the whole way. We were met in PA, literally as we crossed the border from Delaware with 12+ inches of snow....fresh new snow...every 10 yards was a car that spun out into a large ditch....Welcome HOME!!!

*9-11 happened...we lived in the Philly-NYC- NJ little tri-area....we also lived 2 miles away from a nuclear power plant....I gave my hubby till June to get us out....we moved back to Florida in April.

*Moved into in nice house in a nice subdivision made many great new friends....feeling all safe and family like we decided to add to our bode...Little Miss Drama was born and we realized that we were done.

*And now...I volunteer too much of my time, save to little for my family and the house is NEVER clean....speaking of which it's time to get on that!

So I know I went over my allotted 10 bullets but really rules are annoying and only really meant to be broken, ask my kids they will tell you!!!! I am not a fan of playground games, the others kids weren't very nice to I am tagging anyone who chooses to join...if you would like to play along feel's harder than you think...however feel no pressure!!! Although I know Christy always needs something to write about, she has such a hard time blogging! ;)

Friday, June 13, 2008

The 13th...

Today is my father's birthday...he would have been 62...he died 19 years ago. It's funny how you can miss someone that has been gone that long. He was by no means the best dad in the world but he sure was alot of normally ensues when you have no rules! I was his only child, his one true love...unfortunately he loved his whiskey almost as much, maybe even a little more.

My father lived through alot....his father was a Colonel in the Army, he helped run the selective service department in Louisville during Vietnam, the same time my father was turning of age to be drafted. You would think this gave him an edge, my father thought so too, thought he would find an easy way out, he was great at grandfather despised that part of he enlisted in the Air Force National Guard...the safe place to be...or so he called to action almost right away, he ended up flying cargo planes during Vietnam, I think he saw one too many people die...whiskey became a real good friend after the war.

He married my mother only to find out she was in it for the money, the one thing he could give two shits about. Oh how he loved her, that would be his downfall. They divorced when I was four, it was ugly, she remarried one of his closest friends, but that is a story for another day. Now he and the bottle were permanently attached.

Can't tell you how many accidents he had because he was piss-ass drunk and driving. Luckily he only ever injured himself. The worst was when he decided to go chasing after my stepmother, sleeping at her ex-husbands house, on his motorcycle. Apparently he didn't see the gigantic telephone pole on the side of the road. He had handlebars through his stomach and his foot was severed all but the Achilles tendon. You would think that would encourage one to stop with the drinking crap but not so much with my dad, he was thick headed that way.

My stepmother's brothers were never very fond of my dad, they were asses, criminals to be more exact. One night they decided to chase my father around the barn, yes people remember I am from Kentucky, and proceeded to beat the crap out of him, can't remember what excuse he gave for that one.

Then there was always the time that my stepbrother decided to shoot my father in the gut, bullet went straight into the freezer, we left it like that till the day he died. He never really told the truth about that one either, told me he shot himself cleaning a rifle which would not only be ridiculous but physically impossible as well. Little bastard got away with it!

With all this one would think somewhere along the way he would get his shit in order and sober up. Well in December 1988 he tried, he was divorcing my stepmother and trying to gain more courtesy of me. The August before, the last time I saw him in person, I asked him why he drank, I was 11. He told me because of all the pain in his life, all the anger, especially towards my mother. Stupid 11 year old kid that I was I asked why he couldn't do something else, "Like what?" he asked...I said I didn't know. He told me to think about it....while he ran into the store...the liquor store. New drink in hand he awaited my answer...."How about hitting a pillow?" I don't recall his reply but I remember making it very clear that summer I was fed up and angry myself. I found all his stashes in the house and poured them down the sink. He was never angry with me, not once in my life did he ever raise his voice to me, much less a hand, but the next day new bottles would just appear.

That December he got sick, real sick....told me all the great things we could plan for my winter break, I had a day by day schedule all ready. I even knew he was trying to quit drinking, little did I know what that would mean. My father had been an alcoholic for almost 20 years...he tried to detox on his own. He had to call my grandparents back from Hawaii to take care of him. They picked him up drove him to the only real home he ever knew, that one I spoke of as my one regret, my grandmother put him in bed, pulled up the sheets and watched him take one last breath. On December 13th he died of alcohol withdrawal syndrome, his heart gave out, his body needed the alcohol to live and he denied it.

For years I blamed myself, I was the one that asked him to stop....I killed my daddy. I was probably 20 years old before I really understood it wouldn't have mattered. His liver was 600% larger than it should have been, I guess everyone has a point of no return.

Despite his huge shortcoming he was a good man, an honest man, a man willing to help anyone, a man with NO prejudice, a man that so many called a friend, I just wish one of those friends would have helped sooner. He was so much fun, probably more fun that a dad should have been, he didn't seem to understand the whole kids can get hurt thing. If I wanted it I got it, he used to wake up early, hungover and all, drive to the bakery, 15 minutes away and get me long john donuts. He really was a loving father, I just wish he would have loved himself enough to stop...maybe then I would be saying he "would" have been 62.

So for what it's worth Daddy...Happy Birthday...I hope you have found some peace...I miss you everyday...and I love you every bit as much as I did 19 years ago.