Scratch that!

One should be careful what one writes when one is perturbed!

All Sour Grapes...

You Are Grape

You are bold and a true individual. You are very different and very okay with that. People know you as a straight shooter. You're very honest, even when the truth hurts. You are also very grounded and practical. No one is going to sneak anything by you. People enjoy your fresh approach to life. And it's this honesty that makes you a very innovative person.

What Color Purple Are You?

I am not sure that they "enjoy" my fresh approach but it's a nice thought none the less!!!!!

7 Things....

So I have been tagged! I avoided it as long as possible but seeing as my friend over at For the Love of Pete was tagged as well and she did hers I felt obligated. Without further adieu...for my friend at Eeny, Meeny, Miny, Moe...

1. I love planning birthday parties! I bitch and complain all through the process and I stress the day of but I truly love planning birthday parties especially ones which the theme is unique!!

2. I could so be a Cyber Private Investigator...the internet is my friend!

3. I believe in, have felt and seen spirits...and no I am not crazy, at least not that kind of crazy!

4. I LOVE to bake...anything...I however do it very little as I hate cleaning up afterwards.

5. Reference number 4...I hate to clean up...I don't enjoy clutter yet I live in a mound of it....really I am an organized person under it all.

6. I am one of those rare people the can say "I have never done any drugs!" and mean it...this will become quit useful in coming years with my kids I am sure!

7. I am allergic to cats, like wheezing and hacking if they rub near my face allergic...not really weird or random I know...however it is weird, maybe just stupid, that I own two...we got these two after our last two died!

Feel free to play along as most of the blogging world already has....

The Bridge to Nowhere!

I haven't done a Wednesday quote post in a while and I thought maybe this would be the time to do so...here we go!

It is the highest form of self-respect to admit our errors and mistakes and make amends for them. To make a mistake is only an error in judgment, but to adhere to it when it is discovered shows infirmity of character. ~ Dale E. Turner

So the past few months have been pretty good to me...I am becoming a happier person again...at least happier compared to how I was last year! Anger is not an attractive quality...I am really learning to let it go...it feels good!

I realized this last weekend, the one of inebriation with old friends, that I am really a grudge holder, I also realized I am SO not alone!!! See I decided it was time to mend some bridges over the weekend, maybe the alcohol and the hot Florida sun got to me or maybe it was just the fact that I see the same people every year at this event, get irritated with them every year and to be honest was a bit tired of the cycle. Now you have to understand that I have known the people I was with for more than 13 years and to be honest some of my grudges were that old! I decided to lay it on the table, let the truth sit there, maybe I was making a big deal out of past events, perhaps I was the only one who took them with any seriousness! Bridge building...maybe bridges to nowhere but bridge building none the less!

It turns out I didn't have to work hard to put my mind at ease! One situation had bothered me for years and made me really dislike a specific brother in my Hubby fraternity. Now it didn't help that there was some "chemistry" between us once and there was a whole lot of "what ifs" at one time. Anyhow, years ago I saw him doing sometime he shouldn't have been doing, called him out on it and in return received a rash of shit for some of the brothers that included me being put in a room and yelled at for an extended period of time, needless to say at 18 it was a bit intimidating! I have been mad about this ever since because he lied, he denied it, freaking pissed me off!! He screwed up, I got yelled at, how does that work!! Anyhow we were all wasted and he asked why I didn't like him, I wasn't really sure bringing it up would be beneficial and to be honest I wasn't sure that he would remember, it was probably much more detrimental to me than him! After talking in circles for a good 15 minutes he finally came out with it...he knew why I was mad...the "incident"! Wow, after all this time!! And then shocker of all shockers he admitted what really happened and that he was sorry, well at least to a point, hey it was alot coming for him! Then one of the brothers that yelled at me apologized as well...I know it is stupid but it lifted a huge weight off my shoulders! The grudge was gone...damn it felt good!!

Things only got funnier in that he was sure that I was still unhappy with him because of "that night"....aww yes..."that night at ***'s house"....huh, wow, who would have thought he remembered that. See I remember "that night" with excruciating detail for a whole other reason. That was the night I "chose" my Hubby!! They were each making there intentions known and I chose my Hubby, best choice I ever made. I proceeded to tell that to this guy...I don't think he appreciated that...oops! I really thought he would never remember that! It proved to me that sometimes I am a bit paranoid...I tend to think I make more of a situation than there is...maybe not!! Anyhow, it felt good, it felt good to settle it...building a bridge! And next year I will be able to look at him, smile and walk on by...at least until I remember some other reason he pissed me off!!!!

It's all fun and games until someone gets hurt!!

I have been a bit busy lately, also trying hard to prioritize things and my blog has definitely fallen to the wayside. So excuse the fact that I will be rambling a bit!!

Miss Sassy had her 9th birthday...that was a bit hard to swallow! It is hard to remember how old she is...she is a tiny thing! I love her to death but she is by far my most difficult child, she has always had a mind of her own! Unfortunately her mind is a good 15 years older than she is!! She is growing up so quick and she is the one I worry about having a bad relationship with...that is something I am working on...gotta find a way to get through to her!! But truly she is a wonderful child and I am blessed to have her love me!

Hubby and I went away for a weekend of inebriation with lots of old friends...good times! Now when I say old friends I really mean his old fraternity brothers and assorted friends that come in tow!! It was a great weekend...I still have the dislocated finger to prove it! Yes, people that is right, at 31 years old I have my very first bone injury...and it still hurts like hell a week later! I dislocated my middle finger at the top joint, it decided to make the letter L...good stuff! Unfortunately for me I was not still inebriated at the time...so freaking unfortunate!!! And the only thing that makes it funnier is the fact that it happened during a pillow fight at midnight in a Disney hotel...oh yeah...nothing like acting your age! Note to self, do not twist the pillow case around your fingers and swing full out at another person doing the same...the results will not be pretty! Now according to my friends it is just because I flicked too many people off but truly it was a pillow fight...that's my story and I am sticking to it!!

OMG!! I love him even more!!!

I have loved him for years...since his Ally McBeal days...but this was great!!! Enjoy!

WOW! Might have to think about this one...

My Liberal Identity:

You are a Reality-Based Intellectualist, also known as the liberal elite. You are a proud member of what’s known as the reality-based community, where science, reason, and non-Jesus-based thought reign supreme.

Take the quiz at www.FightConservatives.com

Can't take it back.....

A close friend sent this to me recently via email I loved it so much I thought I would share with everyone!

Random One Liner

.....because they say it all.......

Sometimes the majority only means that all the fools are on the same side.

The Doctor will see you now....

I am not a doctor person...I don't dislike them, I just have learned who to deal with most of the pains in my body by myself. I guess this is also why I got meningitis seven years ago...the viral kind...the kind where you let yourself get sick and stay sick...I had a baby and a toddler, who had time to slow down much less go to the doctor...it is much more fun to wait till they have to quarantine you!

Anyways I am currently about a year and a half over due for my physical...I don't think that is too bad...the fact that I was supposed to have a ultrasound and bloodwork done well over a year ago is beside the point. I have been thinking now that my life is returning to normal I should schedule that appointment...Hubby is much better about this, he is doing a good job taking care of himself. So I keep telling myself "just get through the first two weeks of school then you can make all your appointments and take care of yourself"...it's a novel idea!

I don't dislike my doctor, he is funny and very easy going, I am finding out that alot of people I know go to him...hubby included. He is attentive and willing to listen when most other doctors tell me I am full of shit...really people I know my body...just listen! Anyhow, I really have no excuses I need to make that appointment!

There is a reason I bring all this up...see I was at a meeting this weekend...Miss Sassy's dance company...just a parent's meeting to tell us how stressed how great this year was going to be. We have a relatively small company, maybe 40 dancers this year, but we are good...people are traveling 2 hours to be in our company...I really do feel blessed for Miss Sassy and our family...for the most part it is a fun crowd. We have new students this year, eight according to Miss Sassy, I noticed new parent faces while coming in but didn't have time to really look, seeing as I was late like usual. Lucky for me Hubby was there waiting to trade off kids. As Hubby was leaving he whispered something in my ear...I made him repeat it, possibly three times, because really he can't be right. Sitting less than 10 feet away from me was...MY DOCTOR...are you kidding me??? At the exact moment I could have sworn I heard God laughing at me!! I mean really we have 40 freaking dancers, most are siblings so what 25 parents, and there are tons of dance companies around here!! I was convinced Hubby was wrong...I knew he wasn't but I had to come home and look up his wife's name, not I don't stalk much thanks for asking, just to convince myself!! CRAP!!!

Dammit now I have lost all my excuses...I am sure some of you are wondering why I am so concerned...let me explain...my child is now at the dance studio 11 hours a week...we all travel together...we all eat together...we all drink together...did I mention that I am currently the jackass that stepped up to coordinate events for the company?!

I cannot look this man in the eye and tell him I just forgot...I will see him at least once a freaking week...you just can't lie to someone you are going to see that much!!! Well I guess on the upside maybe he will see why I am so stressed all the time and possibly prescribe me some Valium!!!

Spinning on that dizzy edge....

And now because I mentioned them I feel like I MUST share....



One of my three most favorite songs EVER...and the reason I fell in love with The Cure!! Hubby knows that I will physical harm him if this song is playing and he attempts to stop it, change the channel or talk during it!! There are priorities - sometimes Robert Smith and Bono top them!!

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I had to come back and add this...I have been a bit disappointed by The Cure in the past few years but I am ecstatic about the release of a few of their newer songs(past 4 months or so) they are sounding more like their old selves...makes me so happy!!!





I might have just fallen in love with Robert Smith again!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So out of the loop!!!!

So today I see this headline 'Miley Cyrus' black-sheep brother has a band'...well I am about over this chick...my girls are over her too...way over her...thank the Lord...but I feel compelled to click....it lead me here....http://music.yahoo.com/promo-29644410-159-20080818!

OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Her brother sings Shake It...WHAT? That is craziness I tell you! It is one of those songs on the radio that just gets stuck in my head...maybe it's the beat, maybe it's the fact that it reminds me a bit of The Cure...anyone who knows me knows I at one point wanted to marry Robert Smith! It is a boppy little song with just a hit of emoism(yes I know this is not a word but I am still using it) and whining! I am sure they will be a one hit wonder but for now I will just enjoy the song even more knowing that is what is going to become of Miley...she is gonna go to the dark side...maybe I won't hate her nearly as much!

It is amazing the little things that can make my day! :)

For your listening/viewing pleasure...

What's in a Name?...

Well let's evaluate the name Fay seeing as she is sticking around like an unwanted house guest...

Fay means faith, trust, confidence...hmmm...I have faith that I will make it through another day when my children have no school....I trust that I will not kill them, I cannot guarantee they will not spend the day in their individual rooms...I am confident that by the end of the day I will be drunk, thus keeping me from killing them!!

Thanks Fay for another fun filled day!!

Out of Chaos Comes...

I enjoy chaos...this is not a confession but rather a statement. Chaos suits my personality, it makes up a good portion of my personality. I understand that alot of my drama comes from the fact that I live in chaos...in every way - my life, my house, my kids. As I am trying to get my house together now that school has started and I have less chaos in the way of my extra stuff I threw in my life (PTA, obligations) I have realized that alot of the reason I live in chaos is avoidance. God, that is SO cliche!!! There is an awful lot to avoid in my life, let me tell ya!!Anyhow I thought it would be a good topic for my quotes this week...

Chaos in the world brings uneasiness, but it also allows the opportunity for creativity and growth. ~ Tom Barrett

Chaos is the score upon which reality is written. ~ Henry Miller

It turns out that an eerie type of chaos can lurk just behind a facade of order - and yet, deep inside the chaos lurks an even eerier type of order. ~ Douglas Hostadter

Chaos is a friend of mine. ~ Bob Dylan

Can I apologize?

So apparently I tested the gods...I wrote about the fact that we may have to miss school if Tropical Storm Fay did not behave...well dammit here I sit at 8:30am my kids school be in a nice school building far away from me...instead they are curled up safely in their beds as our Superintendent decided we needed to keep them for one more day! It's a conspiracy I tell you...it is part of their idea to save money at the schools...kind of like the moronic choice to make high school start at 9am and middle school start at 7am! I believe Karen has the right idea with this one...a scientific study to see how many middle schooler in our neighborhood get pregnant now that they are home unsupervised from 1:30pm on!! Geniuses I tell ya!!

Anyhow, this was supposed to be my first full day with all three kids gone...in months...I was looking forward to it, dreaming about it actually. Granted I only planned on cleaning my house but really it was going to be all by myself, well minus the hubby working downstairs! I love my kids and yes I was a bit sentimental yesterday but it was fleeting...really it feel good for them to leave...as my friend pointed out I let hubby take them to school...on the first day!! So here I sit with rain and potential tornadoes...nothing like years of past...Charley and whatnot...but even the freaking trash guys came!!! I don't understand if it is safe for huge trucks to be roaming around with large amounts of debris in them why oh why can my children NOT go to school!!!!

Now really do I want them at school with tornadoes as a threat....I guess not...but really it is Florida people that is every afternoon!!!! On the upside I cleaned ALOT yesterday...bathrooms, tons of laundry...see I remember when we had no power for 5 days...granted I deserted with a friend to a hotel by Disney that had power, more importantly air conditioning, I mean I had a 6 week old...but we did call Karen regularly to find out how much it sucked over here. Anyhow I had laundry everywhere and the house was a mess, did I mention I had a six week old, and I swear a few days of no power mixed with a messy house is not pleasant. So yes, on the upside TS Fay made me clean...alot...yeah for her!!

So the plan for the day is playing at a friend's house if it is rainy and if the sun is out AT ALL we swim at my place...really sounds an awful lot like my summer!!!!!!!! UGH!! Wish me luck that all three girls make it to school at least a few days this week!!

I am a rock...

Okay...first day back...I am a rock...I am ready for them to head back to the wonderful place called school. They look beautiful...we have already managed to lose shoes on the first day though...Lord it is going to be a LONG year...I feel it in my bones. But I am a rock, I am ready...until my oldest dressed in her cute dress with legging, matching none the less...this is a rarity in my house with her, even her patrol belt matches...scary...like I said I am a rock...until she reminds me that this is her last first day at Elementary school...I am not a rock I am a ball of mush!!! This time next year I will have a middle schooler, an elementary schooler and a kindergartner!!!! I am so not a rock!!! The tears are forming!!!!

I am a bad mom...I should have done something special to make this moment last...keep her young forever! I only have eight more years with her....this is not going well! First day back was supposed to make me happy...yeah, not happy!!! Okay, time to compose myself before hubby gets home from taking them to school and he sees what a total dork I am!!!!

Back to School...

School starts tomorrow here! Well that is if Tropical Storm/Hurricane Faye behaves and stays away. I am happy and sad all at once. Happy for the kids to go back...I love them but we are all under each other's skin...it is time. Sad because I have to get back to driving everyone around, feeling hectic and crazy, like I have no real time with my kids. The good thing this year is I feel enlightened...I have learned to say no and am feeling good about it. I will be glad to help when needed but I will not be at anyone's beck and call this time around...it has been three years since that happened...feels kind of warm and fuzzy inside!! What I am really looking forward to is floating on a raft in my new gazillion dollar pool ALL alone!!!! Maybe if she promises to be quiet I will even invite my friend Karen.... :)

Through the Looking Glass....

I do have to thank my mother for one thing...giving me the desire to be better than her...to be the mom that loves her kids more than herself, the kind of mom that considers her children a gift, the kind of mom that would do anything to protect them, the kind of mom that is proud of her daughters...proud of the daughter that just came up and hugged me just because she heard the "In My Daughter's Eyes" playing from across the room and knew that I just needed her near me...without saying a word until asking if I was okay. So yes, I guess I do owe her a bit of thanks...thank you for making me see the value of my family and the love of my children!

Down the rabbit hole....

So this blog has been rambling around in my head for a while now...I have been having trouble putting it down...not sure how much of myself I should share with the blogsphere. At this point I figure maybe if I write it the ramblings in my head will stop and that will be a good thing...blog therapy so to speak.

My grandmother, my mother's mother, died a year ago this week. My grandmothers, both of them were the only people I really relied on in my life. I didn't take it well...I knew she was sick...I wanted to go to KY to see her but right when we were headed to vacation she seemed to get better...I talked to her everyday...she knew her time was near...she was at peace...I was still not ready. Her death made me essentially an orphan...I was really not ready for that...but the thing I was most unprepared for was the fact that I would have to occupy the same space as my mother again.

See I use the term orphan because in my mind my mother died almost 13 years ago when she chose her husband over me...when she chose to cut me off...maybe I cut her off...but it is her job as a mother not to allow that to happen. While the death of my grandmother was painful the idea of being five feet away from my mother and her not even trying to speak to me was heart wrenching.

My stepfather was not a good man...my mother knew this and was/is too weak to do anything about it. When I went to college my mother knew how cruel he had been to me and stayed while I left. I was 18...all I had left in the world were my two grandmothers...I think they hoped one day she would wise up and step up...in the meantime they took her place. For the next 12 years I spoke to my mother on three occasions...never very pleasant...formalities really. She has never met her grandchildren...she doesn't deserve to.

I sat in a funeral home for hours upon hours for my grandmother's funeral...my mother on one side, me on the other...the rest of the family trying to figure out what the hell to do. She was crying not because of her mother, whom she also all but cut ties with, but because she saw her grandchildren for the first time ever and she could not touch or speak to them. Truth be told I felt a little bit of vindication at that...it also torn me apart. It torn me apart even more to watch my children watch her...they were naturally curious...and more painful yet was having to explain to my oldest why speaking to her or the bad man with her was not an option. I went a little crazy for those couple of days...probably close to certifiable crazy...I was not at my best to say the least.

I hate my mother, but I also love my mother....that is so hard to understand...I am not ready to offer up all the details of my life to the world wide web...but I will say that the choices she made were inconceivable to most people. She truly does not deserve a place in my life much less my heart...but there she is...I just can't seem to turn that off.

We did not talk the entire time we were there...it was SO awkward..so surreal...SO painful. I am an only child and I realize one day I am going to have to in some way care for my mother...even if it is seeing to her getting in a nursing home that will not abuse her, although some days I think maybe I shouldn't care. I just can't turn off the part of me that wants her to love me, wants her to know and except she was wrong....I am also not naive enough to think those things will ever happen....it is so disheartening. I am not sure how that is supposed to make me feel.

I have a wonderful family and wonderful in laws...but it is not the same. So now I am thinking it has been a year since I have seen her...I sent her a sympathy card...I stupidly keep reaching...she never acknowledged it. I think I set myself up again, I hoped that she would want to open some line of communication...not that I know how I would even react to that. Here we are a year later and nothing...I thought this was going to get easier as time passed...in reality it is so much worse...I realize time is limited...realize that there is a chance that I may never speak to her again...I am not even sure what to do with that.

We all have them....

Karen decided I was not blogging enough and that she needed to know something new about me...not sure I will be obliging on that last part...but I have been tagged...here are the rules...

1. Link to the person who tagged you. (See above.)
2. Mention the rules on your blog. (Here they are.)
3. Tell about six unspectacular quirks of yours.
4. Tag six fellow bloggers by linking them. (Yeah, so I probably won't do this part)
5. Leave a comment on each of the six blogger’s blogs letting them know they’ve been tagged. (Again, with the if you want to play feel free)

On with the show...

Drama's Quirks

I am an organized person underneath my mounds of clutter...this makes my mother in law laugh as well...my grandmother in law asked for wrapping paper one day which I brought out in a pretty container with everything organized neatly inside...MIL had to explain that I am actually super organized...you just have to squint a bit to see it clearly!!

I am OCD about my calender...it is a dry erase one on which every person in my house has a color, for whole family events we just use black...by the third of every month it must be taken down and redone otherwise I start to have panic attacks...I love nothing more than seeing a calender with next to nothing on it...unfortunately in my house that doesn't happen often!

Whenever I am mad at the small people running around my house I send them to their rooms to clean, if rooms are clean their bathroom is my next choice...it doesn't matter what the crime, but I am a yeller and sometimes to stop from yelling I need them to disappear for a while...somehow, even though they get in trouble ALOT, their rooms are still almost never clean...effective parenting...aw, yes...

If there is less than a hundred pages in a book I must finish it...this is not up for debate...too bad that people in my house might be hungry, we have somewhere to be, it is time for our favorite show...I am reading!

I will make an entire pot of coffee to only drink one or two cups...and I am not talking the cheap stuff...hubby bought me the plan where Barnie's sends me fresh beans every month...I am the only person that drinks coffee in my house but it just tastes better with a full pot...I am sure that is purely psychological however it works for me! And I am sure hubby would like me to add..I then only drink half cups of coffee and leave the cup in various places around the house...he thinks strategically placed to annoy him...he HATES coffee...really I am just lazy and once the coffee gets cold it just sits!!!

"I am a gum chewer mainly"...if I have left my house I have put a piece of gum in my mouth, simple as that...it is obnoxious and I can still hear my stepfather yelling at me to stop chewing like a cow...but I can't help it...and when I am at the store I with hunt out new flavors...on a normal trip to the store I buy at least two, maybe three packs...it is so bad hubby actually buys me gum for Christmas!! Yes...he is my enabler!! I had a friend growing up and her mom was always chewing gum and was always willing to share...she was so COOL...so see maybe I will be the COOL mom!!!!

So now you know a bit more about lil ol me...I am sure there are a hundred more but those, my friends, are ones I am willing to share!!! If anyone would like to play along feel free...you know you are all really freaks inside you just have to admit it!!!

Now for something a bit more mellow...

Let the nostalgia continue....

Okay I am offically stuck in 1995...

And just cause...

I loved this song!!!!!

You know you liked it....

Okay...so as summer is enivitably coming to a close I am thinking about my summers back in the day...found myself thinking about one of my favorite "Summertime" songs...awww...old school.....



Ummm...I love Will Smith!

Happy Birthday to....all of us.....

It's been a LONG week...seems like I get less done with the girls home...I actually enjoy it...my time with them was so limited over the past year...it's nice to be able to make up for it just even a little bit.

Anyhow...our week started with celebrating my youngest, my baby, turning into a full fledged preschooler...I was SO not ready!! I can't believe it has been four years since my littlest joined our family...time has flown...it reminds me I have limited time with my girls and I should make the best of what time I have. She is such a third child...adventurous, full of energy, hard to contain...she is also beautiful, brilliant, difficult and oh so loving. She is the one that from day one I was afraid I wouldn't have her as long as I should...maybe I shouldn't write that...but her spirit is SO bright I am always afraid it will burn out before I think it should. I love her so deeply it hurts sometimes!

Next was my bday...I didn't want to do much for my bady...eating at my favorite restaurant for dinner and to be left alone to read all day...literally ALL day. Miss Sassy was very confused about this...she is not a reader...she came into my room about 2pm and asked "aren't you going to stop reading and get out of bed?" NOPE! I got through two books in the Queen of Babble series...it was such a nice birthday. As a bonus our pool finished filling up and the guy came to put in all the chemicals to make it swimmable(is that a word?)!!! I complained endlessly about my pool construction...but really I was just bitching to bitch...they only took 8 weeks and it is AMAZING!!

The day after my bday was my Grandmother's...she passed away almost four years ago...I thought I was ready to blog about her but that is really gonna have to wait for another day...she is too special not to take the time to word it all right. However the older girls and I spent the day shopping and spending money...Grandmother would have been pleased knowing her great granddaughters were being spoiled on her bday.

Yesterday would have been my brother-in-laws bday...he would have been 40...we all miss him so badly as well. My kids have had to learn too early in life that it is all temporary...we are here for a limited time...we should make the best of it and be grateful for everyday...even when the days are too painful to imagine.

And the rest of our week has been revolving around our new toy...the pool! I have already found that it can be a very useful tool, motivator, to get the small children to do as they are asked. It's GREAT!!!

Sometimes one is enough...

I was going to put out a whole slew of quotes on birthdays but I liked this one single quote so much better...a reminder of how I want to live my life.

And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. ~ Abraham Lincoln

I'll take the $7 bucket of popcorn please....

So today I went to the movies...it was a girl's day...took my older two shopping for school things...picked up the littlest one from her summer "camp" and headed to the local theater to see the latest American Girl movie, Kit Kitteridge. It has only been out of a few weeks but it already getting ready to be taken off the big screen...my friend and I couldn't figure out why but we thought we better pack up the girls and go before it's not an option to go.

I was happy when we got to the cashier I could finally use some of my coupons..."3 kids, 1 adult please"..."that will be $24"...with the coupon...umm...not that bad I guess...oh well...off we go to the concession stand...we casually brought in our drinks from the car however we did need popcorn..."$7 please"...damn...now I have been to the movies a few times this summer so not a huge shock but still annoying every time...oh well...off to the show.

Now that we have all five kids lined up the moms can sit down and relax. We knew the movie was about a little girl in the depression era but not much past that...well within the first 15 minutes we understood quite well. My friend leaned over..."didn't know this was going to be so depressing"...little ones are all watching intently. The movie had it's funny moments, it showed the strength and wit that we hope all our little girls grow up with, but all in all it was sad. We suddenly understood why this movie had not done well...it is a reminder of where America once was and how close we are again. The was a huge smack of reality right in the face.

While I loved the movie...I loved the characters, the plot...really it was very cute...I spent almost half the movie welled up or crying. The house foreclosures, people spending beyond their means, the father's losing jobs, the animals that must be given away as no one can afford to care for them and the look on the children's eyes that are just innocents in it all taking it in stride. OUCH! It was all a little to close for me and I am currently in no danger of those things happening to me so I can imagine for anyone who is it might be a bit much to take during a kids movie. My friend and I get why it will now be exiting the theater regardless of the fact that it really is a decent film.

All I thought about as I left was I just spent $7 on a bucket of popcorn that is half eaten...freaking popcorn! I just spent $24 on tickets like it was nothing...I am such an ass! My friend and I are both lucky....our hubbies are GREAT providers, neither of us really worries for much and our kids have never wanted for much of anything...how quickly it could all be taken away. My kids took away the lesson too, there were many questions on the way home, I tried not to dwell on all the negatives of things that could happen to us but rather the idea that we should be thankful for what we do have and maybe sometimes we need to remember how blessed we truly are. I know I have gone all sappy today but like I said it really was a smack of reality. I know one too many people that are rearranging their lives currently because of the economy and it scares the crap out of me!

I think I need to remind myself and my family every day how thankful we should really be....

Be thankful for what you have; you'll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don't have, you will never, ever have enough. ~ Oprah Winfrey

Blessed are those that can give without remembering and receive without forgetting. ~Author Unknown

Be Thankful

Be thankful that you don't already have everything you desire,

If you did, what would there be to look forward to?

Be thankful when you don't know something

For it gives you the opportunity to learn.

Be thankful for the difficult times.

During those times you grow.

Be thankful for your limitations

Because they give you opportunities for improvement.

Be thankful for each new challenge

Because it will build your strength and character.

Be thankful for your mistakes

They will teach you valuable lessons.

Be thankful when you're tired and weary

Because it means you've made a difference.

It is easy to be thankful for the good things.

A life of rich fulfillment comes to those who are also thankful for the setbacks.

GRATITUDE can turn a negative into a positive.

Find a way to be thankful for your troubles and they can become your blessings.

~ Author Unknown ~

Don't mess with the family!!

I am faced with a dilemma...I have spent most of the summer in a very good place, happy to have walked away from my PTA year. I had told myself I didn't want to discuss it anymore...let the drama fall away...if they wanted to continue to trash talk me fine, I can't change that...take the high road...let me tell you people that is SO much harder than it sounds!!!

That was all until now....now I am willing to get down into the nitty gritty...I have been pushed too far...I know people may be disappointed in me after this blog but this time around things went too far!

Again, as usual I created my own drama, I need to take ownership...so yeah, I made a stupid choice, my curiousity got the better of me....UGH...I hate it when that happens!! So I went to a friend's blog, saw a comment from one of the ladies that decided to make my life uncomfortable this year and dammnit I clicked over to her site...I know, I know!!!! Anyhow, she had written a blog about how her becoming President has not been as bad as she thought since the psycho moms(that would be me) are now gone and now that I am not there to put "a monkey wrench" in her plans things are going better. I am glad, I don't want the PTA to fail, it was faultering under my leadership because I could not be effective, it is hard to be effective when the people that say they are willing to help are busy talking smack about you and making you feel uncomfortable in the very school you are suppose to be PTA President of. I am sure she is doing a great job, I have never questioned her work ethic, she will get it done...she may steamroll anyone in her path but it WILL all get done. So then I made another mistake I went into her comments....saw one that appeared at first glance to be very benign, talking about how comfortable she was making everyone feel...then I noticed (and I am paraphrasing here people...I had no desire to go back to her blog to capture the exact wording, lesson learned) this person, Paris was her name...I know her as Jen, said "it is hard cleaning up after someone else's trash"...okay, so now I am a bit irritated...not shocked...I know they don't like me...it's okay. So now mistake #3...I clicked over to her blog, didn't know she had one, didn't really care, but when you know they are talking crap about you it is hard not to look...damnit I really need to practice self control!! Here is where the fun really began...she had two blog entries...and lucky me the second one was all about little ol' me, well I had to share the limelight with hubby...I am going to copy and paste that blog here cause it no longer exists and I feel like it should so here we go...

Jul 2, 2008
My new challenge!

I started this whole world of blogging because I had a friend that started and I was reading her blog. Then, I wanted to comment so I created my own profile. I also started to share my secret obsession with purses!!!! Unfortunately, I haven't been very good at keep my blogs up to date. I usually read other blogs and truly have no interest in blogging for myself. I read mostly from work. I do have a full-time job and don't have much extra time to engage in this. By the time I'm reading to go on-line from home I am checking email and answering things I must get back to. I am also going to be serving on the PTA board at my child's school. At first I was very hesitant given the antics that went on last year. The President was not a nice woman and cut me down with every chance she had. Every time I had an idea she would shoot it down or make a statement that would let me feel that my efforts were totally unappreciated. So, when my friend asked if I would serve on the board everything in me thought no way but, when I realized the old President would be gone I certainly knew things would change. It's amazing how one person can really change the course of a PTA. I feel very badly for some of the moms who got caught in her path of destruction. They are very good and godly women who didn't deserve a lot of what was thrown their way. I do pity the woman. She has a lot of problems. From what I hear she has a crazy husband. I'm sure that doesn't help. I guess I feel safe blogging here about my horrible PTA experience because I don't think the crazy PTA President will be reading my blog. Anyway, even if she did, she'll finally know how I feel about last year.

When I think about my husband and how he supports me I do feel sorry for the women that have crazy husbands that only create more turmoil in their lives. Even if I am doing something wrong my husband would quietly point it out but would never attack anyone from our child's school verbally. If someone did something to hurt me he would also be hurt but would never ever disrespect another woman. Respect is a crucial part of society. If we didn't respect one another then we'd live in chaos. I think of women I respect, I think of my friend Jackie from school. Even with all of the crap thrown her way she never spoke poorly of this crazy lady. She always said, "you've just got to let it go". I could tell in her voice and eyes that she was deeply hurt by this woman but I never heard her speak poorly of anyone. I respect that about her because I know she went through the ringer and certainly had a reason to talk about it. I also think of my friend Mary, she was the recipient of the disrespectful husband. She also kept her cool and never spoke poorly of that couple in my presence. This is why I decided to be more active this year. There are morally good women at our school and I am honored to serve with them. I know they will never speak poorly of me and would never run their mouths about other people.

Time to talk about purses for a minute. I just got a Gucci backpack/purse. I couldn't find a picture of it online so I couldn't post anything. If I find time to take a picture I'll post it later. Gucci made these purses in the early 90's. I got mine in mint condition. It also had matching shoes! O.K., I know you think I am crazy but this is a huge conquest for me.

Anyway, wish me luck in my new PTA endeavor this coming year. Please pray for all of the parents that will be serving. I especially feel blessed to be part of something that will be a wonderful part of our school. Thank you Jackie for your support and for always, always being so kind. You are truly a good person.

Too far, lady...too freaking far...you can trash talk me all day, after a year of it my skin has gotten pretty damn thick...but you go after my hubby...it's on...at first I was so angry I was seething...that then turned into being upset, because my hubby didn't deserve this, this woman has NEVER met him much less had a conversation with him. Yes I know that shows who she really is but I was so afraid of him seeing it, I don't want him to be hurt by anyone...I suck at lying to him, he was gonna see it all over my face...I deliberated, how could I hide the anger...it had been gone for months...UGH!! Well as I assumed I couldn't hide it...after twenty questions I finally gave in and told him what was bothering me...he then informed me this time around it was not my battle to fight...this was about him...he was a "big boy" and would take care of it...unlike me he was more than willing to stand up and tell them exactly what they were....so he responded...his response made me laugh...I am sure they will think it is childish in parts...honestly it is just his sarcasm and I wouldn't ask him to change that...I am going to post his response because it never saw the light of the internet....

Wow. So your one of those Mom's! The one who hears things from another person, and passes judgment on other people without actually knowing or speaking to them. The kind that acts so recklessly to not find out the truth and look at things from an objective point of view, but rather believe what people tell you as the truth. That makes you ignorant. Well, regardless of your "feelings" for my wife, I will fight the fact that your making statements about me that are simply not true, so those I will address them.

But before we get into the whole commenting thing, let’s start by quoting the word Judgement... I think the Bible is appropriate!

“Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you (Matthew 7:12).”

So since you judge me, I am now judging you. I am not a perfect man, as my wife can tell you, should you ever choose to ask her. And I never claim to be. So please don’t be naive to think that I am crazy and do not support my wife because that is just nonsense!

This crazy husband spent night and day explaining to my wife about why people, such as yourself, feel it necessary to hear one thing and grapevine it into another thing. This crazy husband sat back and watched as people who were her friends on the PTA would call and trash her for hours about not trusting the Treasurer of the PTA, only to find out that when she would not sway her opinion about him, they turn to him and say that she was saying nasty things about him. Yes, I was present for the entire conversation that took place. This crazy husband who had her wife record PTA meetings so I can see firsthand the she was being mistreated. This crazy husband who literally held his wife for hours day after day comforting her because YOU people made her feel like she was a child. This crazy husband who did his best to ensure she did not quit because she didn’t do anything wrong, even though EVERYONE else wanted her to. This crazy husband who literally had to create a method to stop people from "stalking" her blog more than 15 times a day, and leave anonymous comments when she knew exactly who it was, and all she wanted was to move on. (now that is crazy!!) This crazy husband who every step of the way wanted her to fight back with every ounce of her being, only to find out the reasons she really didn't want to fight was because she was representing the PTA and didn’t feel it appropriate. And now this crazy husband who is enraged because you feel its necessary to pass judgment on another person without really getting to know them.

Well, its only fair to actually state the conversation that Mary (or lets be real here.. Maryam) actually had. By the way, I actually emailed this conversation directly to another Board member because, as expected, she twisted it into something else. This conversation occurred after several days of hourly trash talking about the current Treasurer and about how he was not trustworthy, which I witnessed.

Lets further preface the conversation, by stating Maryam had originally called my wife’s cell phone, which I answered and when she asked to speak to my wife, I went to hand the phone to her and the cell phone literally cutoff. Whether you choose to believe that or not.. I really don’t care, but here is the conversation that ensued when she called our house immediately thereafter… you know the one where I was apparently verbally assaulting her:

> .. Does "Drama" not want to speak today.
>
> .. Its not a matter of her not wanting to speak, its that I don't want you speaking to her.
>
> .. Can you relay a message for me.
>
> .. No. If you would like to tell her something, you send her an
> email.. I am not gonna get caught up in the he said, she said relay
> crap. I just won't do it.

So as you can see, if I wanted to verbally assault her, I would not have been so short. I was protecting (SUPPORTING to the le person) her from you people. Lay off the recreational pharmaceutical usage…seriously!!! And another point of clarification on this would be to Maryam…. I never stated that “you were not allowed to call my house”, like you stated at the PTA meeting that I had my wife record. Don’t throw out more lies about me, because you know that the conversation above is our conversation. And I know you won’t comment on it because you know that will mean that you show all the people around you that you are in fact did not tell the truth.

Could I have been more tactful.. Yes. But woman like you don’t understand tact. You understand straight forward statements.. and then you disregard that person for saying it and then spread lies and rumors that just aren’t true.. Like I said before.. your one of those Mom’s. But then think about this too, why wouldn’t I let her speak to her and then asked her to send her an email.. simply because not a darn word that comes out of your mouth can be trusted. Good and Godly woman.. they got you snowed sweets!! I think you will fit in just perfect. The idea of being Godly is to make yourself and others around better. Your blog is anything but Godly.

So why didn’t’ I get involved when she was being attacked.. Because its not my business to handle her fights. She is a grown up woman and can handle her own arguments. If it were up to me, this crazy husband, I would have confronted you people back in November, when this conversation took place between Maryam and myself. I reached my point there where you people were not gonna continue this anymore. Its just like this Blog, your problem is with my wife, has nothing to do with me, and if Maryam has an issue with me, then let her deal with me. I am game for an open discussion. But there was no need for you to be involved because it doesn’t involve you… DOES IT. She’s a grown woman, and the real reason she hasn’t confronted me about it, is because she and all the other woman who never confronted my wife about this whole situation, KNOW they are just as wrong as my wife! That right, she is not right in this whole thing either. But that is moot! Your all a bunch of children, that have nothing better to do with your lives except talk about other woman, and now husbands. And what is it all about.. crap.. that’s it, just crap. Don’t you have anything better to do with your spare time, such as spending time with your kids. Life is what happens when your making other plans. So if your spending all this time writing pointless crap about me, then you obviously have no life.. so in that respect.. I pity YOU!! Its time for you woman to grow up and live your own life and stop worrying about other people.

So now the question comes, will you allow my voice to be heard, or will you treat it just like the others, talk more trash about me behind my back, not let people know the real truth. I don’t think you will post it. But why do I say that.. because you know that I am not crazy and your starting to think that maybe the people who are yapping in your ear are not actually telling the whole truth. They are telling you what they want you to hear so you will be their friend, because if you ask them.. they don’t really have any true friends.

.. And I can only offer you this word of advice, the first chance they get to crap on you… THEY WILL!! Get out while you can… seriously.


Sincerely,
M, the crazy husband.


.. and I want them to read this, and I want you to show it to as many people as possible, because “the truth will set you free (John 8:32)!!


Ps. Gucci purses/backpacks suck!!

So why am I putting all this out here...because just as hubby suggested would happen she didn't let a soul see his response, at least not out in the open, she took it down...she actually deleted her entire blog...while I find it really amusing and should just let it go I feel like my hubby should have a chance to have his voice heard.

I did alot of things wrong throughout the year...things that I would take back if I could...I most definitely put my faith into the hands of people that were undeserving of it...that is hard for me to admit because I was warned, I saw the signs and I wanted so badly to make certain people happy I hurt others. I tried to take ownership when I was wrong, I am sure I missed some along the way, don't feel that I think I have no blame in my year going badly..however it is difficult to make your apology meaningful when another person comes behind you and continues to tell half truths at best...it's kind of like what "Dr. Evil" Will from Big Brother knew...it's the last person that talks to someone that makes the bigger impression. I am sorry for some of my actions and to be fair one of the ladies involved in my drama did apologize to me at the end of the year...I am still having a hard time feeling that it was heartfelt but I guess I have to give her credit for making the effort to address me...funny enough she is the lady that hubby apparently verbally assaulted! I let people get in my head and then when they flipped it and turned on me because I wouldn't let them anymore I went into a shell...that is the one thing I wish I had done differently this year it's so unlike me, I felt powerless to stop it. The sad part is these women do snow people because I think they honestly believe everything they do is right and for the most part they try to be helpful...unfortunately that helpfulness is on their terms.

What is boils down to is I have let them continue to slander and abuse me...I allowed that to happen...I shouldn't have but I did...however my family, my husband did not and he is not fair game for you to tell lies about...that is where I draw the line...yes he is a big boy and yes he responded and yes he knows I am posting this because he too feels that his voice should get a chance to be heard. Just to be clear...my hubby is the furthest thing from unsupportive...he is the reason I made it though the past year...these ladies spent most of the year twisting every word that came out of my mouth...this is one time when I will not allow that to happen! And if anyone out there has something to say please feel free...I am not so much about the censoring...

I want to thank you, thank you...

I had a whole quote blog written in my head for Wednesday all about miscommunication...for some reason I just couldn't get it out...that seems to be happening to me alot lately...great blogs in my head that never quite make it to the computer. Anyhow I realized this time around it was because I really wanted to use a different topic...gratitude. I realized it when I read my friend Karen's blog about her recent turn of events in her house...the economy is turning to crap, we are at war, people are just downright crabby...but in the great scheme of things I am and should be grateful...grateful for my life, my family, the love of my hubby...and for those that know me this is saying alot...most of my life I was dealt a crappy hand...but I am grateful for every day of it....so, yeah, gratitude.

Let us rise up and be thankful, for if we didn't learn a lot today, at least we learned a little, and if we didn't learn a little, at least we didn't get sick, and if we got sick, at least we didn't die; so, let us all be thankful. ~ Buddha

The hardest arithmetic to master is that which enables us to count our blessings. ~ Eric Hoffer

As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them. ~ John F. Kennedy

Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos into order, confusion into clarity.... It turns problems into gifts, failures into success, the unexpected into perfect timing, and mistakes into important events. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today and creates a vision for tomorrow.
~ Melodie Beattie

Gratitude is one of the least articulate of the emotions, especially when it is deep. ~ Felix Frankfurter

...and this one!!!

Okay...I know! Makes me want to bounce...great club song!! Have to say saw her on So You Think You Can Dance last night...she stinks live...still love the song...loved even better the conversation that ensued as a result of the song with my 10 and 8 year old girls!! Good times!!!

Loving this song...

Not sure why but I am loving this song...makes me want to dance!

Drowning in the Depths....

"Live exclusively on the surface and you will surely drown in the depths"

That quote was from my page in my senior yearbook...every ounce of me still feels it to be true however the more I dive into the deep the more I wonder if it would be easier to just be gliding along the surface! I look at the people around me living only on the surface and I wonder why they appear so happy and contented...perhaps it is just a facade...perhaps they are too afraid to dive below into the depths...fear that what they might find they may not like.

I have always lived below in the depths it is a comfortable place for me...I may not be the sweetest or the funniest person you will meet but I am real. The few times in my life I have attempted to live on the surface it felt incredibly fake and contrived. I suppose there will always will times in life we need to put on a mask but I can't imagine having to keep it on for my whole life!

The mark of your ignorance is the depth of your belief in injustice and tragedy. What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the master calls a butterfly. ~ Richard Bach

It is easier to perceive error than to find truth, for the former lies on the surface and is easily seen, while the latter lies in the depth, where few are willing to search for it.

~ Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

We've all got problems!

We do not have to visit a madhouse to find disordered minds; our planet is the mental institution of the universe. ~ Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Well...now you know!!!

Apparently I have nothing better to do!!!!!!!!!!!

You Are 80% Cynical

You're a full blown cynic... and probably even skeptical of these results. You have your optimistic moments, but most likely you keep them to yourself.

What Your Taste in Music Says About You

Your musical tastes are intense and rebellious. You are intelligent... but in a very unconventional way. You are curious about the world. You love doing something new. In fact, you enjoy taking risks and doing things most people would shy away from. You are very physical. It's likely that you're athletic, but not into team sports. You have the soul of an artist. Beauty and harmony are important to you.

What Does Your Taste in Music Say About You?

You Are Rock

Powerful and overbearing, you intimidate people with your presence. People know they can't push you around, and they respect that. Deep down, you are calm, confident, and unmovable. You take everything pretty seriously, and you think deeply about all aspects of your life. You tend to feel smothered by paper people. You don't mind crushing the spirit of a scissors person. When you fight, you: Use all of your strength If someone makes you mad: You're likely to throw something at them

Are You Rock, Paper, or Scissors?

Your Family Is 87% Dysfunctional

Your family is more than a little nuts. And you definitely should think about moving on. This doesn't mean you need to completely cut your family out of your life... But it does mean you need to create a healthy support system of your own. One that doesn't involve your family. Even if you've already made a clean break from your past, it still may be haunting you. Checking in with a therapist from time to time is probably a good idea.

Is Your Family Dysfunctional?

You Are Agnostic

God? Religion? Maybe... you're just not sure. You're still figuring out your spiritual path... or figuring out you really don't care. You believe that no one really can know the true story about religion or God. So you might as well relax a little. You'll go crazy trying make sense of it all.

Are You an Atheist, Agnostic or a Believer?

You Are 55% Bitchy

Generally, you're an average woman, with average moods. But sometimes... well, watch out! Sometimes, you let your mean side get the better of you. And you enjoy every minute of it.

How Bitchy Are You?

Your Mind is 76% Cluttered

Your mind is quite cluttered. And like most clutter, it's a bunch of crap you don't need. Try writing down your worst problems and fears. And then put them out of your mind for a while.

How Cluttered is Your Mind?

You Are 78% Tortured Genius

You are smart. Brilliant in fact. And while it's a blessing, it's also a curse. Your head is filled with everything - grand ideas, insufferable worries, and a good deal of angst.

Are You a Tortured Genius?

You Are 76% Bipolar

You're more than moody - you're a bit unstable. If your mood swings are effecting your life, you may need to seek help.

Are You Bipolar?

You're Totally Sarcastic

You sarcastic? Never! You're as sweet as a baby bunny. Seriously, though, you have a sharp tongue - and you aren't afraid to use it. And if people are too wimpy to deal with your attitutde, then too bad. So sad.

How Sarcastic Are You?

Your Personality is Somewhat Rare (ISTP)

Your personality type is reserved, methodical, spirited, and intense. Only about 6% of all people have your personality, including 3% of all women and 8% of all men You are Introverted, Sensing, Thinking, and Perceiving.

How Rare Is Your Personality?

You Are An ISTP

The Mechanic You are calm and collected, even in the most difficult of situations. A person of action and self-direction, you love being independent. To outsiders you seem impulsive, surprising, and unpredictable. You are good at understanding how all things work, except for people. In love, you tend to be very easy going and flexible. The only thing you can't stand for is someone trying to change you or your life. At work, you can stay completely calm under pressure. You handle stress well. You would make an excellent pilot, forensic pathologist, or athlete. How you see yourself: Logical, flexible, and unconventional When other people don't get you, they see you as: Indecisive, flippant, and disrespctful

What's Your Personality Type?

Well I guess that is me in a nutshell...aren't you glad you asked!!!!

Confessions of a Drama Queen

It has been a long week and a half or so....went to Miss Sassy's dance nationals....great time...just LONG!!! Left with drama from one friend came home to drama with another....when does it end...I love them but I think something about me just screams..."not enough going on here....need some drama"...blah!!! Anyways...long week!

So I am sitting here again on a Wednesday debating what my topic should be for quotes this week.....since my time seems to be filled drama maybe we will focus on that!!!

To see your drama clearly is to be liberated from it. ~ Ken S. Keyes Jr.

Children seldom have a proper sense of their own tragedy, discounting and keeping hidden the true horrors of their short lives, humbly imagining real calamity to be some prestigious drama of the grown-up world. ~ Shirley Hazzard

There was never yet an uninteresting life. Such a thing is an impossibility. Inside of the dullest exterior there is a drama, a comedy, and a tragedy. ~ Mark Twain

Drama is based on the Mistake. I think someone is my friend when he really is my enemy, that I am free to marry a woman when in fact she is my mother, that this person is a chambermaid when it is a young nobleman in disguise, that this well-dressed young man is rich when he is really a penniless adventurer, or that if I do this such and such a result will follow when in fact it results in something very different. All good drama has two movements, first the making of the mistake, then the discovery that it was a mistake. ~ W. H. Auden

A little rudeness and disrespect can elevate a meaningless interaction to a battle of wills and add drama to an otherwise dull day. ~ Bill Watterson

People don’t want their lives fixed. Nobody wants their problems solved. Their dramas. Their distractions. Their stories resolved. Their messes cleaned up. Because what would they have left? Just the big scary unknown. ~ Chuck Palahniuk

Maybe that's the problem....sometimes the worst known situation is still better than the possibly the best unknown!!!

Been here so long I'm starting to prune!!!

So my dear friend Karen put up a small list the other day of men that she finds appealing.....got me to thinking about my list. See my hubby and I were watching Friends years ago, Ross had a list of women that if he ever got the opportunity would be okay for him to well...um...you know....even though he was in a realtionship. Anyways...I have a list...men that make me happy....hubby thought he would be funny...his list includes the lady that works around the corner at the grocery store...apparently I didn't specify that it had to be famous people....smartass.....

So here is my list....

Heath Ledger...no matter what he will always top my list...I cried for days when he died...Karen actually called me and told me to sit down before giving me the news....yes...I know I am a freak!

Bono, Paul Hewson, nothing can put me in the mood better than a U2 song...unfortunately my hubby knows this and tends to use it to his advantage! Who doesn't love an Irish boy! That was one of my requirements for the man I married..at least a little bit of Irish in 'em!

Colin Farrell...yes, I love the "bad boys"...I know some of you don't get it...and again...he is Irish!

Hugh Jackman.....he is just yummy! Who does love a bad ass sensitive man!

Johnny Depp...this is probably my longest crush...God, I loved 21 Jump Street! He has only gotten better with age...did you see him at the MTV Awards...I think just maybe I got a little too happy when he came on stage!

John Cusack...what is not to like...he is a genius on camera...good looking to boot!

Ryan Reynolds...he IS the reason I watched Two Guys, A Girl and A Pizza Parlor...he solidify it for me with the remake of Amityville....OMG!!!!!!!!!

Keanu Reeves...I know this is not a popular choice...he is a little bit of everything I love about my hubby...that's enough for me!

So I am adding some new faces to my list here lately...

Shia LaBeouf...yes, I know he is way too young for me...hell I saw him on the Disney Channel...I don't care he is over 18 and gorgeous...and a BRILLIANT actor...can't wait to see more of him!

Milo Ventimiglia....I am jumping on the bandwagon here...that video he is in with Fergie...it's just not right...you don't leave a man that looks like that...yes... most of the tattoos are fake...but really I would be good even if they weren't!

Joseph Gordon-Levitt... he is such a great actor...seems to march to his own drummer which I love!

Wow...we seriously are now basking down in the shallow end of the pool as Karen would say!! Anyhow I am realizing by looking back at my "list" I most definitely have a "type"...thank God my hubby is tall with brown hair and brown eyes...a little bit funny and a little bit serious...I guess I chose well!!

Who makes you happy?

Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end....

So after a few weeks absence I thought I should pick back up with my weekly quote blogs...this week....closure. Seeing as I just put some closure to a large part of my life I thought this would be apropos. I found my light, it is getting brighter by the day...see my reign as "that" PTA mom, the PTA President, is over...after a long struggle to get out!!! It was a long complicated year, I expected to want to vent about it over the weekend as that was when my term ended, but instead I found that I am good to let it go, let it sink to the bottom of the abyss with a large block wrapped around it. It was a hurtful year as you may have already gathered, I was disappointed in the humanity of people, I wanted to like women again and have some faith...instead I was lambasted by those I thought were my friends. So now I am chalking up to a HUGE learning experience, I will be better for it, more appreciative of my time and those around me that I love. See there can always be an upside...sometimes you just have to hunt it out......

What we call the beginning is often the end. And to make an end is to make a beginning. The end is where we start from. ~ T.S. Eliot

A sad thing in life is that sometimes you meet someone who means a lot to you only to find out in the end that it was never bound to be and you just have to let go. ~ Unknown

Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in, forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day, you shall begin it well and serenely. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

There is something beautiful about all scars of whatever nature. A scar means the hurt is over, the wound is closed and healed, done with. ~ Harry Crews

Always look to the good stuff in your life, otherwise you're wasting what time you're given here sulking about the crap that in the end won't be anything to you. ~ Unknown