Nada.....

Alright people....I got nothing, I mean nothing! No wit, no insight. Lots of ramblings going on in my head but nothing that I can get down right now. So sheerly for the sake that I have to put a quote out today, because well I just have to....it's Wednesday and it's in the rules :).....I will share with you that currently the song "Head like a hole" by NIN it on repeat in my little brain....no, I did not hear it on the radio, I think possibly that is just how I am currently feeling! With that in mind it leads me to this.....here are my quotes for this week and a little music to put you in the mood!


If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough. ~ Mario Andretti

Control is never achieved when sought after directly. It is the surprising outcome of letting go. ~ James Arthur Ray

Our whole constitutional heritage rebels at the thought of giving government the power to control men's minds. ~ Thurgood Marshall

When someone talks about self discipline, it usually means they want to control someone. ~ Unknown

The closest to being in control we will ever be is in that moment that we realize we're not. ~ Brian Kessler

Judgement Day

Upon the direction of my friend Karen I went and read a blog today, I had stopped in before but today I read the whole back story, and in return I made a self realization....now I am feeling the need to write it down. I am one of those people that needs to write it down, it makes all the crap swirling around in my head come together with some coherence.

Somehow over the past three years I have become afraid of judgement....there it is....my huge realization.....

Now, in honesty I knew this somewhere in the back of my brain, but after reading this man's blog about his journey to happiness, not a sappy love story for those clicking over, the light bulb in my head that had been flickering for days went off like a 300watt light bulb.

I have surrounded myself with people that do a whole lot judging for the last few years and as much as I hate to admit it, a little bit has rubbed off, I hate myself for that! I have always had high expectations and in general get annoyed easily with people but judging was never my thing.

It is the judgement of some of these people that keeps me from being as honest here, and in daily life, as I am in my head. I am afraid of how it will affect me, my kids, the way people look at me. UGH!!! I have never really given a shit, what is up with me??????????? I know this is what my hubby has been saying to me for quite a while, sometimes you just gotta get there yourself!

So here it is....judge if you want...I am not a nice person a lot of the time...I don't really enjoy that many people....I get annoyed - ALOT...I cuss like a sailor, and yes, even in front of my kids, I do have a limit when it comes to being around other kids...I am a religious person but my faith remains shaken most days...I have no patience for people that can't get their shit together...I think women in general are catty and unsupportive of each other, it is better to be alone than to deal with their bull shit...I am a cynic...I am a hypocrite more often than I would like...I invite drama into my life and don't always take ownership of it....I listen to loud angry music, my three year old sings along...I yell WAY too much...I ignore my household chores - everyday...sometimes life is just too hard...I give too much of myself away and don't give enough to my family...my expectations are too high and I really don't want to lower them...I am okay that some people hate me but the fact that they talk shit about me makes me want to scream and some days possibly impale them....again, did I mention I am not a nice person a lot of the time...I am too honest....I forget to keep my mouth shut at times...I am too trusting...I am aware that I am complex and I don't desire for others to get me...I have to get burned to really learn my lesson...some days I wish I didn't have to be responsible for others...this list will continue much longer than I am willing to sit here and type...I am aware of how this list makes me look and I still want to publish it because it is who I am, maybe I should keep it to myself but I guess maybe it's time to be real. I do alot of good for alot of people and sometimes that is hard to see when I look at the real me...in truth I am a very loving person that takes life too seriously most of the time....I am working on it!

Ouch....was that as painful for you as it was for me.....?

"Do not judge others, and you will not be judged. For you will be treated as you treat others. The standard you use in judging is the standard by which you will be judged. And why worry about a speck in your friend's eye when you have a log in your own? How can you think of saying to your friend, 'Let me help you get rid of that speck in your eye,' when you can't see past the log in your own eye? Hypocrite! First get rid of the log in your own eye; then you will see well enough to deal with the speck in your friend's eye." Matthew 7:1-5

How did you spend your holiday?

This, my friends, is why not to leave the kids at home with hubby to go to the store......

And also the reason not to let him then go to the store once you are home, because guess who get to clean the baby?!!!

On with the show.....

I figured I would continue with my story from last week, mainly because I want brag a bit about what a GREAT hubby I have, so.....picking up where I left off....last Thursday night....Hubby was home safe and sound, I was feeling good about my last meeting, time to think about that gift again! Hubby had already gotten me 10 dozen sterling roses....he is so sweet....and we were going out on Friday night, somewhere nice, suit and tie nice....hmmm.....I hate secrets!!! So Friday morning off to buy my sentimental gift, a small something, a clock made of tin, 10 years and all! Stop by, you guessed it, the school to do a few quick things and then home to get all decked out! Now I knew we were going to Cirque de Soleil...I was VERY excited, but still NO idea of where we were going for dinner! Get dressed up and his uncle was at our house promptly at 4pm...time to head out!

Cirque de Soleil was AMAZING!! Let me just say that I really assumed that it was just a tourist trap, being on Disney property and all. Now trust me I spend plenty of time and money at Disney but this show was incredible. I can see why people go back so many times, there is SO much going you don't know where to focus. Hubby and I have already talked about taking the girls to go see it....you know it has to be good to spend $40 each to take small children to go see!

We milled around Downtown Disney for a while, Hubby was stalling, I knew we were going to eat, could tell we had a reservation, just didn't know where. Finally after an hour of walking around we headed out....towards Magic Kingdom, now I am really confused....then towards the Grand Floridian....the most expensive hotel on Disney property, I am dying to stay there!! We tried to on our wedding night 10 years ago, for a single night in a "suite", again this 10 years ago, was almost $600...umm....yeah, like I said still dying to stay there!

Anyhow, finally realize at the guards gate where we were going!!! Victoria and Albert's!!! OMG!!!!! See our neighbor is a chef there, has given us all the low down but never did I imagine we would actually eat there! It costs $125 each just to walk in the door for the "basic" menu! Let me just say by the end of the night I could have taken one of my kids on a cruise! It was magnificent! The food was to die for, we tried things we would never normally eat....foie gras, wagyu steak, elk, sweetbreads(yeah, not so much liking that, mainly because I knew was it was). I felt SO bad, I was stuffed beyond belief by the time dessert came around, our neighbor was the one making them that night.....Hawaiian Kona Souffle, Peruvian Chocolate Ice Cream with Puff Pastry and Tanzanian Chocolate Pyramid with 24 kt gold, yes people I ATE gold!!!! Hubby paid the bill, I chose not to look, I thought the gag reflex I would have would have wasted that wonderful meal then residing in my stomach! But hey, our valet parking was validated!

The best part was since our friend was in the kitchen, we got to go back at the end of the night when everyone was done and check it out! Did I mention I before that I LOVE Gordon Ramsey??? It was such a treat....for hubby too, he didn't think our friend was working that night! All in all it was such a perfect gift....super excessive, but hell, we made it to 1o years, that is an accomplishment people!!! It is now a week later and I still feel full!!!! Anyhow, not that hubby and I don't have our ups and downs but it was such a nice reminder of how he really wants to make me happy and how lucky I am to have him!!!

Alright, alright, I am done being sappy now!!!!

Let me go home....

My thoughts for this week's subject matter have been scattered...something normally prompts me to choose a subject. Mine should be love this week, 10th anniversary and all, it should, I tried to make it work, but my mind wandered elsewhere. Honestly I have Ingot to blame, well maybe not blame but he prompted my line of thought. It is a hard line to follow...see Ingot is from the Louisville area, Louisville lives in my heart in a weird twisted way that I want to live there again but probably never really would. Louisville is where my one regret lies.....

Regret....I don't get it. Everything in life happens as it was supposed to, every day, every decision has it's purpose....the choices we make may not be right but they may take us to one that is, they may shape us into the way we were meant to be.

I have had some tough roads to walk down in my life and honestly I regret none of them. That may shock some that know me and know all my stories. Like I have always said, I was born into drama, I am like a magnet, but I wouldn't change it, because if I did I would change me. I am good with me, I feel like I am learning in this life what I am supposed to. I may not be happy all the time but I don't feel that is the point of life. No regrets, for choices I have made or for those that others have.

Except one, and in light of what I just said it is going to sound SO stupid. I had a home once, not a house, a home...in Louisville. Alot of people familiar with Louisville will know it, or at least where I am talking about. In Cherokee Triangle, big old house on the hill on the Parkway across from the Park. It was beautiful, it was my grandparents' house, it was the only real home I ever knew, the only stable thing I ever had in my life. I sold it. I sold it about five years ago. I knew in my heart it was the wrong choice, I knew the minute I did it. My only regret.....

Make it a rule of life never to regret and never to look back. Regret is an appalling waste of energy; you can't build on it; it's only for wallowing in. ~ Katherine Mansfield

I have no regrets. I wouldn't have lived my life the way I did if I was going to worry about what people were going to say. ~ Ingrid Bergman

If we fill our hours with regrets over the failures of yesterday, and with worries over the problems of tomorrow, we have no today in which to be thankful. ~ Unknown

Love is sometimes denied, sometimes lost, sometimes unrecognized, but in the end always found with no regrets, forever valued and kept treasured... ~ Unknown - see I got something about love in there after all :)

There are no regrets in life, just lessons. ~ Jennifer Aniston - Okay I know, but really she has a point at least....

Accept everything about yourself--I mean everything. You are you and that is the beginning and the end--no apologies, no regrets. ~ Henry Kessinger

All human beings have failings, all human beings have needs and temptations and stresses. Men and women who live together through long years get to know one another's failings; but they also come to know what is worthy of respect and admiration in those they live with and in themselves. If at the end one can say, This man used to the limit the powers that God granted him; he was worthy of love and respect and of the sacrifices of many people, made in order that he might achieve what he deemed to be his task, then that life has been lived well and there are no regrets. ~ Eleanor Roosevelt

Sometimes, struggles are exactly what we need in our life. If we were to go through our life without any obstacles, we would be crippled. We would not be as strong as what we could have been. Give every opportunity a chance, leave no room for regrets. ~ Unknown

It could've been worse.....

Okay, so this is for you Karen......

Lucy and Ethel....what a perfect assessment!!!!

Are we having fun yet???

So let's take a step back....things have been a bit crazy for me since last week and I figured I would share some of this, partially because some of it is just too good not to and partially to oblige Christy's need for more blogging ;)....

Let's start with Thursday....see Thursday I was supposed to be driving to one of our many local malls to pick up an anniversary gift for my husband....I got a bit sidetracked! The little one and I were home getting ready and receive a phone call from Karen, she sounded a bit frantic, needed to know when my hubby was getting home from NY. The answer of not till tonight was not what she wanted to hear...she was currently being held hostage in her garage by a "large black snake" that was residing inside her kitchen. To be honest what ensued next was possibly one of the funnier things that has happened to me in a LONG time and I definitely needed a good laugh before my upcoming evening events, we will get to that people! Anyhow, I would explain the whole story but she already did such a fabulous job on her blog I will just link you there....http://whospeteshouldibeworried.blogspot.com/2008/05/snakes-whyd-it-have-to-be-snakes.html....go now, then come back, you will understand, I will wait.....no really, go and read. I do have to give her a little thanks, all the pics she took of my ass on the floor trying to coax the snake out of the cabinet remain where they should...hidden away on her laptop....thanks Karen!! This event took a good few hours of my time before I had to go get Miss Sassy and then later Miss Know it All....see my days are never easy, God forbid I should actually be able to pick up everyone at the same time, it's much more fun to drive to the school twenty times a day....really I am not bitter, no really!

So after dropping off the older two girls I head back to the school, yes people, back to the school, for my last PTA board meeting. See this the topic I have been avoiding since the inception of this blog...I am a PTA president, and I regret almost every day that I said yes, there I said it. I am still not willing to discuss the details of why PTA is so painful for me but what I will say is that on this night of my last meeting I wore this shirt.....

Yes I wore it on purpose, yes I am aware this gives other much fodder to discuss me but really they were going to anyways, I was just trying to be helpful, give them a conversation starter. To answer your question this time, yes, yes I am bitter! :) Honestly the meeting went very smoothly, I walked away not even shedding one tear!! The new board is starting their planning and I am feeling a heavy weight beginning to lift off my chest....aww...that light is becoming quite bright!!!!

I still do.....

Hmmm...so today I have been married for 10 whole years...wow, it's funny how nowadays that seems like a huge accomplishment. We had many things against us when we got married, we were young...I wasn't even legal to drink the champagne the country club served us! We also had a baby out of wedlock...the shock, the horror...well back in 1998 it still was at least! Realistically hubby and I would have married sooner if we didn't get pregnant but once we did and everyone kept yelling we "HAD" to get married, well, we refused, it was out of defiance that we didn't....like I said, we were young!

We have had our ups and downs...of course...but when you start out it seems impossible to imagine ten years...yet here we are...

I am lucky to have a husband who has stuck by me through a lot...my life has not always been a charmed one and he has always be right there with me...he claims it's not for the money! :)

Truly, I am blessed...he has given me three beautiful girls, a wonderful life and himself....what else can a girl ask for??

Umm, that would be 10 dozen sterling roses.....

I see the light.....

I used to pride myself on the ability to see into someone and find their true character. I have had enough false people in my life to give me plenty of practice starting off at a very young age. So I find myself a bit lost this last year or so, I seemed to have misplaced it. I can't weed out the bull shit anymore, at least not well, I am not sure what that means. People may not like me but I find it unnecessary to hide my character, I think you should lay it on the line, not to be hurtful but because who has the time to present a false front. Not that I have never put forth a fake face but those times are far and few between.

I have learned SO much in the past few weeks about my unhappiness, the lack of sincerity in others and people's general negativity....I got sucked in, that's where I lost it - my ability to hunt down the bull shit, it's hard to find the bull shit when you are swimming in it - forest for the trees and all....well, I am getting out....there is a light at the end of the tunnel, it is fast approaching and I am looking forward to a whole new me at the other end, or rather rediscovering me at the other end!! Most likely my true character, the one I lost while floundering in the muck, will be waiting, ever so patiently, to smack me upside the head, followed politely after with a "what the hell?"....oh, wait, maybe that will just be my hubby......

Character is like a tree and reputation like its shadow. The shadow is what we think of it; the tree is the real thing. - Abraham Lincoln

Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street. - Elbert Hubbard

Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved. - Helen Keller

People with courage and character always seem sinister to the rest. - Hermann Hesse

The farther behind I leave the past, the closer I am to forging my own character. - Isabelle Eberhardt

When the character of a man is not clear to you, look at his friends. - Japanese Proverb

Character builds slowly, but it can be torn down within incredible swiftness. - Faith Baldwin

People seem not to see that their opinion of the world is also a confession of character. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

No change of circumstances can repair a defect of character - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Character is so largely affected by association, that we cannot afford to be indifferent as to who or what our friends are. - Unknown

To wish you were someone else is to waste the person you are. - Unknown

You can’t talk your way out of what you’ve behaved yourself into. - Stephen Covey

Do you smell something? Oh, wait, that's me....

Sidenote: I am quite amused by being able to add a song each time I do a quote post but man it takes way too much brainpower....hence the late song this time around........it is one of my new favorites....Linkin Park makes me happy, just enough angst mixed with thought provoking lyrics, no really, I am serious......

Take all your so-called problems, Better put them in quotations

Apologies and Forgivness.....hmmmmm....the world is full of both, unfortunately too much of the time they are falsely given. For too many people they are offered out of selfishness....how truly sad!

Apologies....

Apologizing - a very desperate habit - one that is rarely cured. Apology is only egotism wrong side out. ~Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr.

A stiff apology is a second insult.... The injured party does not want to be compensated because he has been wronged; he wants to be healed because he has been hurt. ~G.K. Chesterton


It is a good rule in life never to apologize. The right sort of people do not want apologies, and the wrong sort take a mean advantage of them. ~P.G. Wodehouse


True remorse is never just a regret over consequence; it is a regret over motive. ~Mignon McLaughlin


When you realize you've made a mistake, make amends immediately. It's easier to eat crow while it's still warm.~ Dan Heist

......and forgiveness

Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much. ~ Oscar Wilde


Our anger and annoyance are more detrimental to us than the things themselves which anger or annoy us. ~ Marcus Aurelius


Forgo your anger for a moment and save yourself a hundred days of trouble. ~ Chinese proverb


Forgiveness does not overlook the deed. It rises above it.~Pumla Gobodo-Madikizela


You know you have forgiven someone when he or she has harmless passage through your mind. ~ Rev. Karyl Huntley


Forgiveness is a gift you give to yourself. It is not something you do FOR someone else. ~ Larry James

Forgiveness is the fragrance the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it. ~ Mark Twain

The best apology against false accusers is silence and sufferance, and honest deeds set against dishonest words ~ John Milton

Actions truly do speak louder than words!