In the name of love....

Pride...

....sometimes I find myself too full of it and sometimes not nearly enough!


There is much proud humility and humble pride in the world. - James Lendall Basford

Though pride is not a virtue, it is the parent of many virtues. - John Churton Collins

The pride of the heart is the attribute of honest men; pride of manners is that of fools; the pride of birth and rank is often the pride of dupes. - Charles Pineau Duclos

A proud man never shows his pride so much as when he is civil. - Sir Fulke Greville

“Vanity and pride are different things, though the words are often used synonymously. A person may be proud without being vain. Pride relates more to our opinion of ourselves; vanity, to what we would have others think of us.”- Jane Austen

“Disciplining yourself to do what you know is right and importance, although difficult, is the highroad to pride, self-esteem, and personal satisfaction.” - Margaret Thatcher


“The truly proud man knows neither superiors nor inferiors. The first he does not admit of; the last he does not concern himself about.” -William Hazlitt

“Pride is a vice, which pride itself inclines every man to find in others, and to overlook in himself” - Samuel Johnson


“You can't give people pride, but you can provide the kind of understanding that makes people look to their inner strengths and find their own sense of pride." - Charleszetta Waddles


“Pride is a personal commitment. It is an attitude which separates excellence from mediocrity.”- Unknown

“Generosity is giving more than you can, and pride is taking less than you need.” -Kahlil Gibran


"Wrongs are often forgiven, but the contempt never is. Our pride remembers it forever." - Earl of Chesterfield



Thanks for stopping by for another quotable Wednesday! BTW...that is my FAVORITE U2 song and for those of you that know me that says alot! Bono...right up there with God... :)

The shallow end of the pool...

Since as my friend Karen has stated I am residing in the shallow end of the pool this week I thought I would wallow here a bit longer! :)

This man makes me happy....

However, this man makes me even happier....

That's all, thanks!

The show must go on........

So I went to see Wicked this weekend! OMG!!! Those girls are AMAZING!!! This is one of those shows that I will definitely see again, hopefully this fall in NYC! :) The greatest thing for me about this show was that I got lost in it...that requires alot for me. I love theater, I love the stage, I love going to shows, however during most shows I am picking it apart in my head, imaging the goings on backstage. See that is my love, theater production. I regret everyday that I let my mother convince me to go into business as a major instead. But I got lost in Wicked, it was that amazing. I wasn't concerned about how the costume changes went, where the props where coming from, watching the catwalk above me, I just really enjoyed it, it was a nice change!

This leads me to the other reason for my blog today...I am freaking out!! I decided a few months back that I would go back to school, complete at a minimum my AS in theater production. I royally screwed up in college....all about the boys and the parties! Anyhow, here it is over 10 years since I was last in college and I am freaking. The reason for my FREAKING is quite simple, not fear of the classes or the work, but rather the CPT....the damn College Placement Test!! Apparently if you have been out of school as long as me you have to take this test when you attempt to go back. It means nothing that my GPA was 3.8 and that the SAT was well over 1200 back 13 years ago, humility is not my strong suit, I am trying here people. Now it is all about me taking these tests to make sure I don't need any remedial classes! Are you kidding me?????? So I decided to take some practice ones online, English, Reading, Arithmetic and Algebra. Should have been a breeze.....well let's say I passed the Reading and English, my worst subjects btw, the arithmetic was okay, not great though, now the algebra I FAILED, miserably, as in less than a 60%!!!!! My hubby stood behind me and laughed as I tried to remember how the hell to factor!! Please note people I took Calculus at a freaking gifted school, again with the humble, not so good at it! ARE YOU KIDDING ME??? 60%.....I am now officially FREAKING OUT!! How did I get so stupid? I am very concerned! I used to be a smart person. I have felt my brain slowly seeping out over the years. I do understand that the choice I made to be a stay at home mom was not conducive to stimulating intellectual conversation, but still I should remember how to factor.

Currently I am trying to reassure myself that with a few weeks of studying I will be fine. I refuse to take remedial classes to be able to take classes to learn how to handle stage production! See I am a lucky girl, I have one fabulous hubby, not only have I been able to stay home all these years but now that I am going back to school it is for something fun with next to nothing as a paycheck. What makes him even better is the fact that if it were up to him he would be right there along with me. I feel so guilty being able to fulfill my dreams while he is working to support our family. Don't get me wrong, he does not hate his job, well not most days, and he is AWESOME at it, but in an ideal world it would not be his top choice. So I say to him thank you for letting me get to play!

So later this week I will be stopping by the bookstore on the local community college's campus to pick up my study guide to reteach me things that I learned in middle school. Are we having fun yet?!

....Just Cause....

Really, just because....because I was looking for something else entirely and this just popped up....I feel like that was someone's way of telling I needed to share it with all of you! Just in case you were wondering I am no longer is mourning...the sadness persists however.....thanks so much for your concern!

I keep talking but no one is listening.......

To the mother I see every week at the dance studio......

I would like to clarify our conversation, it apparently needs to be seeing as we have had the same conversation every week now for the past few months and you persist every week in asking the SAME questions over again!

So....

Yes, that is my daughter.
Yes, that's right, the little one.
Yes, she does take the same two classes as your girls.
Yes, she is the youngest in the second class.
Yes, she is on company and competes.
Yes, she does take more classes during the week, as a matter of fact she is at the studio for about 6 hours any given week.
Yes, she has been on company ALL year.
No she is not new, this is not my first year here, been here since the beginning.
And the new question for this week, yes I do know that mom's name, yes I do know her son is an amazing dancer and yes, I do know the WHOLE story about her trip to NYC.....see again, not new here!!

So next week...same place, same time.....maybe I will just print this out....save us some time....maybe we will find something else to talk about that doesn't make me want to walk away!

Seriously.............................

For those of you that have asked, this is how my day was..........Little Miss Drama went into the elementary school, at the end of the day, like this........and I am SO blaming Karen...."oh just let her put it on, it's not worth the fight".......that's all I gotta say people....that's it....nothing more!

UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Just in case anyone was wondering out there in blogland that is how I currently feel. Most definitely not an unfamiliar feeling however today I am feeling it about a whole new topic! So until I have more intelligent things to say I will say nothing for fear of the blatant pissiness that I would be spewing! Thanks for stopping by, hope your day is going better!

Wednesday Again......

I can't believe how quickly time is flying lately....I feel like I blink and I lost a week. It is too early for me to focus to clearly but I know I will be gone for most of the rest of the day!

I scratched my cornea this week, let me just say that if you can avoid that I would do so without hesitation. I bring this up because it brings me to my topic this week.....perspective. It is amazing what you find unnecessary to do when not feeling well and what you deem as still having to be done. So perspective.....

You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist. - Friedrich Nietzsche, I LOVE Nietzsche, cliche I know :)

We judge others by their behavior. We judge ourselves by our intentions. - Ian Percy

Flowers often grow more beautifully on dung-hills than in gardens that look beautifully kept. -Saint Francis de Sales

It is seldom indeed that one parts on good terms, because if one were on good terms one would not part. - Marcel Proust

Not everything that is more difficult is more meritorious. - Saint Thomas Aquinas

All religions issue bibles against him, and say most injurious things about him, but we never hear his side. - Mark Twain, about the Devil - okay, really, just because I think that is funny.....

A gifted small girl has explained that pins are a great means of saving life, "by not swallowing them." - Charles Edward Montague, Dramatic Values

It isn't that they can't see the solution. It is that they can't see the problem. - G.K. Chesterton

To really enjoy the better things in life, one must first have experienced the things they are better than. - Oscar Holmolka

Some men see things as they are and ask why. Others dream things that never were and ask why not. - George Bernard Shaw

One man's frankness is another man's vulgarity. - Kevin Smith

Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one. - Paul Eldridge

Necessity is not an established fact, but an interpretation. - Friedrich Nietzsche

And I will stop there, because obviously I have gone too far! :)

....I have now had to re-edit this blog four times, because apparently the spelling part of my brain does not work before 8am....note to self, when starting school again no early morning classes.....hope you are all functioning more clearly than me!!

ROFL!!!!!!

Back to your regularly scheduled programming....

We have a new addition....I am not happy about it....not sure how this happened! Miss Know It All went to a party, an aquarium theme, do you see where this is going? My friend Karen's child attended this party as well, she had joked with me earlier in the day that it had been mentioned to her about a party that was a Carnival theme where fish were given as the prizes. What a great idea she said, too which I informed her what I would do to her if this ever became the case. She felt that Little Drama really needed her own fish and thought it would be very amusing, I however was not so much laughing!!

Fast forward to 10pm at night....I pick up Miss Know it All from said birthday party...the parents, which are possibly some of the nicest people I know, whisper to me, "we aren't doing goodie bags, we bought fish, can she have one?". Now please understand that Miss Thing, or rather Miss Know it All, is standing right next to me! She already has the hamster from HELL, okay maybe it just doesn't like me. What was I supposed to do????? Needless to say we walked out with one beautiful new blue Siamese fighting fish that is now named Aqua!!

Thanks goodness for us we own every size fish tank imaginable and they all reside unused in my garage. So today Aqua will get a new home. DAMN PETS!!!!! I did however inform my daughter that they don't live long, looked it up, read quickly as she peered over my shoulder, went quickly past the people that claimed they could live up to 10 years and decided that the person stating 3 years would be sufficient! 10 years, are you kidding me!!! The freaking hamster is only gonna live another two!

Oh, yes, then there was the email from my oh so lovely friend Karen, she swears she didn't know! Sure.....I know somewhere she was cueing her evil laughter, Muhahaha!!! I only feel slightly better about it in the fact that she got a new addition too!!!! Well now.....Muhahaha right back at ya!!! :)

False hope......

What is it about expecting apologizes that insures you will never receive one?


Seeing as I don't like to be called a hypocrite.....I apologize. Not an open ended meaningless apology but rather I apologize for using words that were hurtful, for words that spoke from a place of contempt....I however do not offer this apology to the Lord first as others may see fit but rather to the person I may have hurt. I would be naive to expect the same in return. For I need to learn to bit my tongue, I need to learn who to have faith in, I need to remember that everyone is flawed. This does not mean that I do not expect people to treat me with respect or that I will remain silent when hearing of their blatant meanness. But rather I am choosing the road of asking for forgiveness.....without expecting anything in return, it is clear that others find forgiveness unnecessary. UGH....too many times I have found myself alone on this road!!

Letting it all out......

Confrontation:

1.an act of confronting.
2.the state of being confronted.
3.a meeting of persons face to face.
4.an open conflict of opposing ideas, forces, etc.
5.a bringing together of ideas, themes, etc., for comparison.

I find myself needing to write today not to the worldwide web but rather one specific person...this lady who was once a part of my life decided to bait me today, I tend not to read her blog but did today, the reason I will leave unsaid....anyhow, I am taking the bait.....I am taking the bait because for the past 6 months I have not and been pissed off about it too many of those 180 days...I shouldn't I don't want her to know the effect she has had on me, but to be honest I am sick of her better than thou crap. So if she would like explanation/confrontation I will oblige......

Friday April 18, 2008

Open letter to JM.

You are correct it is a long story....one I am sure you would like to rehash...I find that unnecessary....but let me start by saying yes...I have said shit about you....as you have about me....just as you have people that have informed you of things you think I said I have heard things I think you said. However I have chosen to avoid it, avoid you, I have discussed it with those I am close to and let the rest go, because that's what I wanted you to do, go...from my life. You are too painful to have in it, the knife you gabbed into my back has been successfully twisted and broken off inside leaving deep scars.

I let it go when you called and attacked me on the phone for hours on end claiming all the while to have my best interests at heart. I let it go when you accused me of things I didn't do, I didn't even defend myself. I let it go when you criticized and judged me continuously. I let it go when you continued to slander me to people I had to work with all year. I sucked it up, I cried more times than I can count. I didn't confront you because I wanted you to go away, but you don't.

Instead you stalk my blog, up to 15-20 times a day. Just so you know youhide and unblockall don't hide you. Why do you feel it necessary to do that? My blog is not about you....my life and all I do are not about YOU! And as encouraging as the words of your anonymous comment recently were I find myself unable to post it as they feel hollow and contrite coming from you.

If you have feelings at all for me....leave me be.....so far you have, with the help of your friends, made my year close to unbearable, congratulations. You have made me uncomfortable doing things I loved....volunteering, bible study....it sucks!

So "get over it already"...sure, as soon as you stop feeling like you need to stalk my blog and making me feel bad for not being who you wanted me to be. Leave the acting innocent to the innocent!

If you have a reply I would be glad to post it, I am not ashamed of my dirty laundry but at least have the balls to put your name to it.

B.

Lost and Found....

For all of those out there that care...the few, the proud.....sorry....after much searching I found a piece of me tonight, it had be missing for so long, it's nice to have it back....hoping to find more soon!

Random Quote Wednesday.....

Alright....I know it's not Wednesday! I was busy yesterday volunteering and last night drinking....priorities you know!! So new for this week.....

"Most people learn by observation, and there are the few who learn by experimentation. And then there are those who actually TOUCH the fire to see if it's really hot." -Anonymous

What catergory do you fall in???? :)

Miles Between......

I saw my aunt today at Bible study, yes people I said Bible study, that will be a discussion for a different day. See my aunt is 15 years older than my mom, the mom I haven't talked to in 12 years, so we were never very close, my grandmother is the one that pulled us all together. Anyways Grandma is no longer here and I am realizing just how much distance I am allowing to grow in my family. My aunt lives 10 minutes away from me, has for the last two years, she has been at my house twice....ever....and once was while Grandma was staying with her. So every few weeks at Bible study we go through this charade...."how are you?" "Good" " I know I feel bad too" "I really should call you" "we really should get together"......What is that?????????? She is my blood, I may hate her at times for still talking to my mom, but really why don't I have a desire to maintain a relationship with this woman....because right now I feel like that's all it is....a blood relation, not an emotional one. How is it I could be so close to my Grandma and so could she but the two of are SO distant? That is my question for the day.......

Just in case....

Just in case anyone was wondering why I haven't been blogging I thought I would tell you.....I am busy, really freaking busy....I am not sure how this happened, this was supposed to be a slow time for me.....UGH! The other reason is......well my Grandma always told me if you can't say something nice don't say anything at all.....hmmm.....silence is golden, or so I am told!!

Have a drama free day!!

Eventually I will post SOMETHING else, until then....

Another Random Quote Wednesday!!! I can't believe I can't get around to my freaking blog....I have been so stinking busy!!!

This last week I got to spend time with some friends that I don't see that often and really got me thinking about my closest friends that I love so dearly, thinking about the friendships that I know will last though it all, I can say that because they already have, the friends that at times I take for granted but give me a sense of peace when I am around them....I was thinking that for all the bitching and moaning I do about people I have some AMAZING people in my life....

"One measure of friendship consists not in the number of things friends can discuss, but in the number of things they need no longer mention." - Clifton Fadiman

"A friend is one who knows us, but loves us anyways" - Fr. Jerome Cummings

"A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out." - Walter Winchell

"Though our communication wanes at times of absence, I'm aware of a strength that emanates in the background." - Claudette Renner

"Silences make the real conversations between friends. Not the saying but the never needing to say is what counts." - Maragret Lee Runbeck

Random Quote Wednesday.....

“Looking back you realize that a very special person passed briefly through your life- and it was you. It is not too late to find that person again.” - Robert Brault

I'm still searching....