Too much of my time lately has been spent dealing with irritations that I have focused too much energy on, I have dwelt too long, let things seep too deeply into my veins, thought about things too much...considering it's all supposed to be irrelevant.
Today I am rebuilding walls....see I let my walls be torn down in the name of friendship, or so I thought. Have you ever met someone, knew that you weren't likely to be friends but then because of circumstances proceeded anyways? I did...not with nearly enough caution. And the problem is I have done it multiple times, every time ending with me kicking myself in the ass. Then there are the friendships where things were good and something went terribly awry. Those are the ones that hurt the most....the ones that you want to fix but sometimes just can't. And there is always the friendships that you desire but they have yet to come together. See, too much thought....
Anyhow, I proceeded, I let people in, I wish I could take it back. I don't trust easily and now that my trust has been squashed, stomped on, spit all over and handed back to me in a brown paper bag, I am pissed! Pissed at myself mainly, I let the walls be torn down, what was I thinking, that little pit in my stomach told me better, I wanted to be wrong. So today I find myself with a decision to make...continue to let it irritate me and eat away at my stomach or say FUCK IT, time to move on....I am choosing option #2. I am writing all this down as a affirmation to myself that I made a choice, picked a path, time to follow it. Be clear, I am writing this not to open a can of worms with anyone out there but rather I am closing it and burying the can....I am finished, too much of my life has been consumed by meaningless crap and worrying about what people that are not a part of my life think about me....done. Not to say that I won't get irritated, that is just part of my nature, but as of now it will not be part of who I am....it's just taking up too much space....space that is needed for the important things in life...like my family!
3 comments:
That was seriously ambiguous. We should discuss so that your position on whatever the above pressing issue is can be further clarified to my satisfaction.
Glad you are moving on. I have been checking back to see how things were going. I was seriously scared to go anywhere near the fence lately :)
H
I like the new layout. Way Cute!
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